On our wedding day, I received a weird gift. It was a video. It was sent to my number during the wedding but I didn’t see it until much later. My maid of honor whose number was on the invitation also received the same video but didn’t mention it until I found out myself. It was a sex tape. The man in the tape was my husband. This incident, according to the one who sent the video, happened the night before our wedding.

I cried all day. I didn’t have the heart to continue with the honeymoon so I went home to my parents. When they asked why, I told them what had happened. I was broken, shattered actually.

He came home with his family to beg. He crawled on the floor like the snake does when eating dust. He held my feet and asked me not to leave the marriage. “I married you because you’re the one I love. What happened in the video happened because I was drunk. She took advantage of me.”

When men apologize the way he did, they gain favour with society. When you don’t forgive them you become the devil—the woman with the heart of a stone. My mom said, “Look at him, he’s sorry. Forgive him and it won’t happen again.” My dad told everyone that the decision was in my hands but when we were left alone, he told me, “Go for your husband. He won’t do it again. Don’t let the other woman win.”

I went back with the hope to begin again. I didn’t trust him but I gave myself permission to trust again if only he would work for my trust. He was loving and caring at first. He won’t let me do basic stuff. He would be in the kitchen with me, do half of the cooking while I do the half. He had something to say at every given moment—a story or a gist or both.

I found myself loving again like a wilted flower that had found itself next to a babbling brook. We could stay up all night talking about nothing and more. Honestly, I forgot he was the man who cheated on our wedding night. All was well. He brought gifts when coming home at night. He would take me to fancy dinners and treat me like I was all he had. All that lasted for a year until the next incident happened.

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He cheated again with a lady who came to his office to transact business. I can’t go into details about how I found out but when I presented the evidence, he screamed, “Shit!” He threw himself on the sofa and remained there for several minutes without saying a word. When he talked, he apologized.

One thing about heartbreak is that the second one doesn’t hurt like the first. And one thing about the people who break your heart is that even when you grow to trust them, something inside you tells you that they can do it again so it doesn’t shock you when they do it again.

I forgave him easily than I did the first time but my heart and soul never rested. I was always on the lookout for things that looked like infidelity. We fought a lot about nothing and everything. We fought when I saw his shadow following him because it looked like he could cheat with his shadow.

In September, his office sent him to Uganda to work. When he was going, he went with the lady who came to his office to transact business. I saw it from the lady’s Facebook profile. She posted a photo with Uganda tagged as the location. Immediately she landed at the airport she posted it and it coincided with the time and date my husband landed in Uganda. I missed my calling. I should have been a CID.

I called my husband and accused him of going with the lady. “She’s with you I know. Don’t deny it because you’ll make things worse.”

He denied everything and even swore to God that he was alone. I didn’t tell him I saw it from the lady’s Facebook profile but when I checked again, the lady had deleted all the photos she posted while in Uganda. I told him, “I know you won’t tell the truth but when you reach here, I will show you evidence of what I’m talking about.”

My mental health broke down into pieces. Knowing my husband was in another country with another woman drove me to the edge of my grave. I thought of suicide because the pain was excruciating. I left home and went to stay with my friend, the one who was my maid of honour. I told her everything while in tears. She did her best to calm me down but the man I ended up sleeping with was someone I met while out with my friend.

My husband spent a month in Uganda. I spent that month in my friend’s house and it was during that time I had an affair with the man because my husband was also busy having an affair somewhere else.

When he returned from his trip I kept mute. I didn’t ask him about the issue again though he was dying to answer for his sins. That man I had an affair with called in the night and I picked up in front of my husband. I acted suspiciously. I spoke under my breath. I was pushing him to suspect me and he did. When I went to bed, he went through my phone and found the cheating chat.

This guy broke into a fit of anger and screamed around as if he was ready to beat me. “You were busy accusing me of cheating because you knew what you were doing. Who is he? How long have you been seeing him?”

I chuckled and ignored his threat. He dashed into the kitchen and I also dashed out of the room. He came out with a knife but I was long gone. When he called the next day, he was crying. “How could you do that? I trusted you. How could you?”

This guy was wailing on the phone like his mother just died. I told him, “I needed an escape from the torture and he came with an escape plan so I followed him.”

That made the issue worse. He cried and cried and threatened to harm me if he ever got me. He told my parents about it and they called me home. He told his parents and they advised him to leave the marriage. I didn’t care because I was already gone.

A few weeks later, he got sick. It started as a minor tremor and graduated into a full-fledged stroke. He drools. It affected his left side so his left arm is a vegetable now.

Everyone is blaming me because when he narrated his story, he told them what I’d done to him and not what he did. He took to drinking and eating concoctions to get high when he found out about the cheating. His mom would call me a witch on the phone and blame me for bringing curses into her son’s life. Currently, they move him from one church to another seeking healing. I want a divorce but they say they’ll never grant me one until he’s well.

We Dated For Four Years Before I Discovered He Was A Married Man

I’m not rushing to get married or start a new relationship. They can take forever to grant the divorce. I’m not even fighting them. My only prayer is for him to get well. I’ve learned my lessons. I want him to live to also learn his lessons. We owe it to the next people we’ll meet after our divorce.  

— Felicia

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