He Cheated On His Wife With Me So I Cheated On My Husband With Him

I was nineteen years old when Phil kissed me. I didn’t see it coming. I had visited him in his office and was about to leave when he held my hand. I thought he was going to hug me or hold my hand and walk me out. Out of nowhere, he planted his lips on my lips and started kissing me. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t even know how to kiss but I relaxed my lips as I watched him kiss me for a minute or so.

When he stopped, he couldn’t look at my face. He looked away while telling me, “I love you that much.” I stood there like a tree planted where there was no wind. My leaves were calm, my roots were firmly on the ground. I didn’t utter a word. He led me out and said, “Think about it.”

That was his way of proposing to me. He was twenty-seven, eight years older than me. I went home and processed the whole thing and felt he was a safe bet. He was older, he loved me and he had his life already figured out. If I needed someone to be there for me and guide me through life, he could be that guy so I said yes to his proposal.

A night before the day I went to the university, I went to see him in his house. He played my type of song and we both sang along. He got closer and closer and again planted a kiss that grew from just a kiss to wandering hands. When I thought he was going too far, I asked, “What are you trying to do?” He did the hush sound and asked me to keep calm and watch. I wasn’t scared. He felt safe. I knew if I had to lose it, I better lose it to someone who felt safe, like him.

So I watched him dig away my innocence while singing my favourite song, Evergreen, by Westlife. Today, whenever I hear that song, it brings back the memory of that day. I laugh to myself and say, “To be young, I’m happy we never go back to be young again.”

After the sex, he talked to me at length. It was like a father advising his daughter about life on campus. He said the guys would come at me like bees rushing for the nectar because I was a nectar. He told me even lecturers may try their luck on me but in all, I should remember who broke my virginity and remain true to that person.

While in school, I would sneak out and spend the whole weekend with him. He would take me to places guys with money go. He would tell me sweet but nothing things just to make my head swell. One day at the beach, he kissed me and asked me, “What if we do it here? Wouldn’t it be crazy?”

I looked around. The next couple I saw were like a hundred meters away from us. They too were covered in the cocoon of their own love affair. I felt safe so I told him to go ahead. We did it right at the beach. Afterwards, he said, “You and I belong to each other. We have nowhere to go. We would always be here, in each other’s shadow.”

I went to his house one day and saw a lady there. She was trying to hide her but I was quick enough to notice the presence of the lady. We had a fight about it and I told him it was over. When he came over to my place and we talked about it, I forgave him. We kissed, made out and he repeated that phrase, “You and I belong to each other. We have nowhere to go…”

The cheating didn’t stop. There was Anita who I fought and won. There was Ekua who later told me I should concentrate on my studies. There was Gladys who behaved like an octopus. She held on too tight to him because she had many hands. Slippery tentacles. You cut one and three grew up from the same spot. I knew I was losing so I backed out. The miracle of the whole thing was that each time he came around to talk to me, I melted and said yes to him so he could tell me, “You and I belong to each other.”

I gave my heart to Eric. Not wholly, I was only using him to cover a wound. I was checking to see if he could take Phil’s place in my life. He did his best. On an ordinary day, he would have won but I didn’t give him a fair chance to compete. While he was giving his all to me, I gave him excuses to run back to Phil who at this time was not hiding his cheating ways from me.

A couple of months before my graduation, Phil Married Gladys. He didn’t tell me. He tried his best to hide it from me. Even a couple of days before their wedding, he spent the night with me. I got to know about his marriage through his friends. I broke down completely. Had it not been my friends who pulled me up from the floor and put my academic gown on me, I wouldn’t have attended the graduation ceremony. I wore the gown over my broken heart and put the cap on top of a burning head.

If he’s married then it means everything comes to an end, right? No.

A couple of days after his wedding, he came to see me. I missed him and I hated him for what he did. He was standing right in front of me but he looked like a ghost. He came without wearing his ring because he said it wasn’t respectful to me. I forgave him and took him back in my arms again. I was the main chick. I was there before everyone else came but I became the side chick because according to him, the two of us had nowhere to go. “We belong to each other.”

I did my national service in a village far from home but he came to visit me twice every month and each time when he came around, he came with a handful of gifts. One evening after sex, he said, “You see why I can’t leave you? You know what buttons to press and what to ignore.”

READ ALSO: My Friends Are Running Down My Business. How Do I Stop Them?

I felt disrespected. I felt he only needed me for buttons that needed to be pressed. What about my own buttons? I decided to move on from him and never look back. I gave him excuses. I prevented him from visiting. It was either I was travelling or my parents were coming around. I did it for months and it was helping me to heal. One day he came by unannounced. He said, “If you were not here, I would have waited for you outside the door until I see you.”

I pressed his buttons. Everything I’ve worked hard for over the months got destroyed. Maybe it wasn’t love. I was pitying him because he looked empty and the storms rocked his boat without me in it.

After Service, I met an old friend who had returned from abroad. He told me he was crushing on me when we were young but he couldn’t say it because he felt I would insult him. He said, “Now that we are adults, there’s nothing else to fear so I’m here to ask you, would you be my girlfriend?”

His name is Mark. We dated for three weeks before he travelled back. He was intense. He was all over me like ants marching around grains of food in the dry season. When he got back, he told me, “Why don’t we get married already? You can come here so we do life together. This distance is killing me.” I told him I would marry him in a heartbeat and I meant it.

I told Phil to leave my life alone because I’d found someone. “We are getting married the next time he comes. Very soon.” He didn’t fight me. He sounded understanding and even wished me well. He said, “But it doesn’t change anything because you and I still belong to each other. We have nowhere to go.” I answered, “I’m not going to cheat on this one with you. Concentrate on your marriage.”

I got married to Mark. The happiest day of my life. For a year, I didn’t talk to Phil. I didn’t want to block him to make him feel like I was running from a fight. I wanted him to be around while I ignored him. I succeeded so he left me alone.

When Mark went back after marriage, the old devil came back. Phil. This part of my story is what makes me ashamed of myself. I’m not ashamed of the silly things I did while young. I’m not ashamed of my weakness and I’m not ashamed of any of the shame I caused myself by being a side chick to a man I met first. This part where I ran back into his arms after marriage is what makes me ashamed of my past and story.

He came back with the same old line; “You and I have nowhere to go. We belong to each other.” It was too old and frail yet I fell for it and pressed his buttons. Those old buttons. Not ones. Not twice. Whenever he needed me, I was there. He wore his ring and I wore mine while we cheated in broad daylight.

I remember one night in a hotel with him when Mark called. It was 1 a.m. where he was. He said he couldn’t sleep because he was having nightmares. He said he missed me so much and he felt it was the reason for the nightmares. I started crying on the phone. I left the bed I was sleeping in with Phil, rushed to the bath and started crying out loud. He asked why and I told him because I missed him too. I was lying. I was crying because shame and guilt engulfed my conscience. He said, “Don’t worry, very soon you’ll be here with me.”

When the call ended, I opened the shower and stayed under it while crying. It was very cold but my body was numb. I heard the footsteps of Phil approaching. I banged the door and shut him out. I spent the rest of the night in the bathroom. He came knocking. He came calling my name. He thought something had happened to me. When I walked out of the bath, I didn’t say a word. I dressed up, picked up my bag and left. I blocked him on the way home.

We belong together was a lie I allowed to be true for so long. But at that moment, I knew my place and my place was in hell where whores like me belonged. He tried several ways to come back. One day I barked at him when he called with another line. It was supposed to be the final warning but he kept coming in different clothes. I felt it was a temptation I had to fight to prove that indeed I was over him.

I Can’t Give Birth For A Man I’m Not Willing To Marry | Silent Beads Videos

I laughed at him. I called him miserable. I tease his devilish intentions. He slowly fell off my shoulders like the way satan fell from the skies. I won but with a lot of scares to remind me of where I used to be.

I’m now living with Mark. It’s been two years. Had it not been for this story I’m telling you, I wouldn’t have remembered to recall his name. I’m happy to have this marriage. Mark is not perfect but he’s mine and I’m his. We belong together. Truly. 

—Mark’s Wife