He Cannot Do Without His Twelve Other Women

My marriage was merely seven months old when I stumbled upon my husband’s secret lifestyle. I was breastfeeding our newborn baby by then, but I couldn’t hold myself. I sank into a sea of depression and almost lost my mind. All I wanted to do was to vanish from the face of this earth. I trusted this man so much that I never thought for a second that he had eyes for another woman. Only for me to find out that he has eyes for other women. He was sleeping with twelve women apart from me.

I wouldn’t wish for my worst enemy to experience what I went through. I felt our marriage was too young for me to walk away. Besides, it was the first time I had seen my husband do something like this. So I comforted myself and confronted him. You should see him on his knees apologizing. “I know it is wrong for me to cheat on you, but trust me, I am working on it. I want to be a man worthy of you. Don’t give up on me, please.” Humans err, do they not? And people change, don’t they? That is what I said to convince myself to forgive him.

I gave him a clean slate. I didn’t treat him like the man I caught cheating on me with twelve other women. He is a government worker but sometimes he comes home from work at odd hours. I am talking about 11:00 PM, 12:00 AM, 1:00 AM, and even 2:00 AM. When I complain he would also complain, “Honey, it’s not my fault. We are working on some projects and it’s taking so much of our time.” I believed him. I even became worried for him. I disliked his boss for overworking him. And I fussed over him whenever he got home. “You must be so tired,” I would say, “Did they at least give you dinner?”

There came a time when I had a problem with my phone. My husband got himself a new phone and gave me his old one to use. I changed the number on his WhatsApp to mine but I still had access to his old messages. I didn’t think to look at his chats but an archived chat caught my eyes. It was a chat between him and one of his colleagues at work. She is a woman he had spoken about a few times. I thought their relationship was strictly professional but their chats proved me a fool. They are lovers.

I didn’t want to confront him at first. I told myself, “A man can choose to have many women. What can I do about it?” I continued to read their chats as this thought was on my mind. I saw in their chat that my husband insults me to her. Whenever I upset him he won’t tell me. He would rather tell her and the two of them would bond over all the insults they throw at me. It saddened my heart to see that a man who vowed to love and respect me would demean me this way.

There was a time when we were having problems. I wanted to make peace with him so I sent him a text; “I don’t want to go to bed knowing that you are angry at me. So please, forgive me.” My husband forwarded the text to his mistress and added another text, “Look at this fool.” They laughed and made jokes about my ignorance and foolishness. I was broken.

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I am a dutiful wife. I do everything for this man without winking. I give him my all. I started life with him when he had nothing, and I was determined to grow with him. Now, look at this. After seeing their chats, I read his other chats. It turns out he is still sleeping with twelve other women. He keeps the woman at his office and two other women as his serious girlfriends. I am surprised he is doing this because he doesn’t like condoms. So how does he go about sleeping with these many people?

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I confronted him and he apologized once again. I know he is not sorry. I know he won’t change. He keeps a group of friends who condone his lifestyle. So I have accepted that he is beyond saving. I keep asking myself why he married me if he knew I will never be enough for him.

I know the ideal thing to do in this situation is to leave but I can’t. I admire women who have the strength to leave this kind of situation but I am not like them. I am neither strong nor courageous. So I accepted his apology even though I know he is going to tell his work mistress that I am a fool for falling for his act. I feel stressed, tormented, and anxious thinking about them, but I am too afraid to leave him. So I am still here, praying that I find the strength to choose my dignity someday.