The plan was for us to get to know each other and then get married. Isn’t that, after all, the whole point of dating? He seemed very reasonable when the relationship began. I was even convinced I could marry him that very month if we were both ready. I am sure that would have been a disaster. One thing you can always count on is time. If someone is too nice to you, and you are wondering if they would ever turn on you, give it time. If someone professes their undying love for you and you are wondering if it’s just talk or if they truly mean it, give it time. Time reveals all things no matter how long it takes.

This is why I am beginning to see the man I was sure was the man of my dreams in a different light. All our plans to get married are beginning to look flawed in my eyes. This is because of little little things he does here and there that give me the impression that he is one big drama queen.

The first cracks in the relationship began to show when I attended an event. There were lots of people there that I didn’t know but I interacted with them. At the end of the event, everyone was taking photos. I was also taking photos. A guy I didn’t know walked up to me and asked to take a photo with me. It was someway considering that he also didn’t know me. However, I didn’t want to be rude so I posed with him. We went our separate ways after that. We didn’t even exchange contacts.

A few days later, my boyfriend texted me angry. He said I was cheating on him. And that the guy in question posted the photo and he chanced upon it. It was on his WhatsApp status. I explained, “I don’t even know the name of the person you are talking about. We just took that picture at an event. I don’t have his number mpo.” I was not pleased with his accusations and nothing I did to convince him that he was wrong worked.

I knew I was innocent so I started ignoring him. When he tried to come at me with more hurtful words I warned him; “I love you but be careful of the things you say to me. I don’t take it lightly when I am insulted.” This guy’s response was, “This relationship will not work. Let’s just break up.” I didn’t want to stress myself so I let him go.

A few days later, he called me sounding remorseful. “I was wrong and too rushed in my decision to end things. Please, let’s leave it all in the past and get back together again.” It was the first time something as such had happened so I accepted his apology. I couldn’t believe the next thing that came out of his mouth. “I told my mother we broke up so now that we are back together, you have to go and apologize to her so she will know we are together again.” I thought he was joking so I laughed. It turned out he meant it.

I have his mother’s number but I made up my mind not to do it. He went and came to tell me not to worry about his mum, and that he already fixed things with her. “That’s between the two of them,” I told myself. The relationship continued uneventfully so I completely let go of that incident.

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Along the line in the relationship, I visited him and we had a little misunderstanding. I was unhappy so I withdrew. When he saw me calmly sitting in my corner he asked me, “Why are you angry?” I wasn’t angry but he wouldn’t accept it. I know myself. I know I have anger issues, and when I am angry I am not calm. I explained to him that the fact that I am calm means I am alright. I even apologized for withdrawing from him.

He accepted my apology but I found out later that he was still holding on to that issue. It didn’t sit well with me that he was the kind of person who holds on to grudges after the matter has long been settled. However, I hoped we will work on it together. Nobody is perfect, you know.

One day, we were having a conversation when I mentioned that I would like to visit the spa for facials. My boyfriend got angry immediately, “Why do you want to let a stranger touch you in the name of massage?” This became an issue. For the sake of peace, I apologized and retracted my statement. “It’s fine. We are cool,” he said. However, I noticed that he went silent on me after that conversation. When I texted him, he said; “I just want to be quiet. I don’t feel like talking.”

At this point, I am beginning to feel like I am the one carrying the relationship on my head. He gets angry because of something unnecessary, I apologize, and then he goes silent on me. He is not behaving like the kind of man who will bring me peace in marriage. They say everything you see in a relationship doubles when you are married. So I have decided to just leave him and move on. I am not making a mistake, am I?

—Grace

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