He Asked For My Permission To Marry Another Woman

Mark and I dated when we were sixteen. My teenage heart believed herself in love. But it turned out that our love only existed because were in the same neighborhood. As soon as I moved out of the neighbourhood and relocated to my dad’s place, our love affair ended. At that age, I wasn’t ready to lose my V-card so we never had intimacy. Sometimes, I believe that’s why it didn’t hurt when things ended.

For two years, we didn’t hear from each other. Then I was there one day when I received a phone call. “Hi, it’s Mark. I took your number from my cousin. Can we talk?” I said yes, and we had a lengthy conversation about our past. I had moved on from him and started dating someone else, but I didn’t know how to tell him.

One time when he called he asked me, “Linda, is there a possibility that you still love me? I want you to be my girlfriend again. I promise to take things seriously this time around.” I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth so I found a nice way to let him down. I think I told him that I wasn’t ready for another relationship just yet.

Shortly after that, he went off on me for a while. When he came back, he proposed to me again. I also found another nice way to turn him down. This has been the pattern of our lives. He would show up in my life to declare his intentions to date me, then I would reject him, and he would disappear, only to come back again.

For years, this gentleman continually pushed for us to be together. Sometimes he would say, “Maybe you keep rejecting me because you haven’t seen me in a while. When can we meet so you see the man I have grown into.” As tempting as it was to agree to see him, I worried that encouraging his attention while I was already with someone, would complicate my life. So I gave him one excuse after the other. However, he always made his way back to me.

Quite recently, we started talking again. I was no longer in a relationship at that time, so I was open to the possibility of being with him. He suggested that we meet and this time I responded, “Name a time and place, and I will be there. No more excuses.” The date he gave me was 2025 but I thought it was a typo. But later, I observed that he kept talking about us meeting in two years time.

All this while, we were only chatting on WhatsApp. However, when his behaviour became suspicious, I decided to call his number directly. Someone picked up and said, “Mark has travelled.” I asked for clarification and the person said, “Mark is no longer in the country. If you need to talk to him then contact him on WhatsApp.”

So I went back to our chats and asked him, “Where are you?” That was when he told me he relocated to Amsterdam. He said he moved there about a month ago. I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get to see him before he left but I had no one but myself to blame for that. Even after his revelation, we continued talking.

Unlike in the past, now we have gotten deeper with our conversations. We are interested in knowing more about each other. We discussed how each of us lived our lives all those years we were apart. Soon enough, we started growing fond of each other. We don’t go a day without talking.

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One day we were talking when asked me, “I have asked you this question several times. This time I hope you give me a different answer. Linda, will you be my girlfriend?” Like all those other times, I turned him down. I explained, “You said you will be ready to marry me in four or five years. By then I would have turned forty. I don’t think I can risk it.” He refused to let me go and insisted I think about it.

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The other day he told me that he needs to work so he can put things in place for us to be together over there but he has no papers. I asked him how he intends to get the papers and he said he would either get married to a citizen and get the papers to work, or he would have a baby with someone from the country. He said he wouldn’t go through with it without my permission. How can I in good conscience tell him it makes me uncomfortable when I know the struggles of living in a foreign land without proper documentation?

I gave him my permission to do what he needs to do to survive. But here is my problem. I underwent fibroid surgery in 2018, and I am turning thirty-four next month. Looking at these, do I have the time to wait around for him? Or I should move on with my life? Maybe there’s a reason why he keeps finding his way back to me.

—Linda