I watched as he asked her, “Have you not realized that I love you?” She looked so surprised while she shook her head to say, “No.” He smiled, “Well, I love you. And I want to marry you.” I smiled sadly at this movie scene and thought, “I know this is just a movie but it must be nice to hear someone tell you they love you, and mean it.” I would like to say my love life is a little dry, but that’s a lie. What’s the truth then? My love life is completely non-existent.

I don’t remember the last time someone told me, “I love you” in a romantic way. Don’t get me wrong, I have enough self-love to keep me going for eternity. I am surrounded by family and friends who love me. They tell me all the time, and I never let them forget how much I love them. I am certainly not short of love. But wouldn’t it be nice to have someone fall in love with me in an amorous way?

I have had men express interest in sleeping with me. I have had male friends tell me they desire me. The most recent one told me he was lonely and horny. He hoped my occasional loneliness would make me open to the possibility of a “friends with benefits” arrangement. And I would be lying if I said I was not tempted to settle for a sexual relationship with him, in the absence of love and true companionship. However, his proposal also made me sad. I asked myself, “Why would a man see me only as the object of his desire but not a woman worthy of his heart?”

This whole thing has me reminiscing about my first relationship. We were both teenagers but the love I experienced from that relationship is purer than any love I have ever lived through. I believe it was love at first sight for me. I was standing outside our house when he passed by. My breath hitched when I saw his face. I was so taken by him that I turned to my mum with a smile and said, “This boy is so handsome.” My mother frowned in response. I knew it would make her watchful of the boy but I didn’t care. I had just seen a boy who took my breath away.

That night I wrote about him in my diary. I was sure he was a fairytale prince come to life. And I imagined how happy we would be together. I promised my diary that I would get the prince and we would live happily ever after.

The day I learned his name was the day I saw him talking to a group of boys who happened to be my friends. I walked over to them and said hello. I started a conversation with the boys but I did not address him directly. Something came up about Facebook, and he seized the opportunity to ask me, “Are you on Facebook?” I became shy all of a sudden so I just nodded. “Give me your name and I will send you a friend request. I am Kofi, by the way.” I was so excited but I kept a neutral expression on my face. A day after I gave my Facebook name to him, I went to the internet café. I saw his friend request and I accepted it.

We had most of our conversations via Facebook. We only spoke when we ran into each other without any adults present. My mum was very strict, and my neighbourhood folks were gossips. So sometimes we ignored each other in public. It was not ideal but I was content to just catch glimpses of him in passing.

I met his family, and they loved me. Once in a while, I would sneak into his house just to hang out with his mother. The more time I spent with Kofi and his family, the deeper I fell for him. I didn’t know how to tell him how I felt, so I made him a hamper on his birthday. And I added a card that said, “Happy birthday to my special friend.” I wrote a short poem on the card, talking about how much I cherish him. Somehow I hoped he would read between the lines and ask me to be his girlfriend. But that didn’t happen.

As time passed we got closer. If we accidentally touched, I would feel tingles up my spine. If he smiled, I would wonder what his lips tasted like. I found his smell intoxicating. There were times I cried myself to sleep because I was overwhelmed by the love I felt for him.

One day I confided in Kofi’s best friend, “There is this guy I like. I have done things to show him how I feel but he is not making a move. I am not sure if he only likes me as a friend or if he wants more. What do I do?” The guy smiled and advised, “Tell him how you feel. That’s the only way you will know what he wants.” I was horrified, “There is no way I will tell a guy I love him.” He teased me for a while before finally saying, “If you are shy, then tell him and run away.”

One day we met at the internet café. This was something we did often; because it was the only place the gossips wouldn’t see us. On our way home we would take shortcuts through dark alleys so we could talk uninterrupted. So on that fateful day, I told him about a boy I liked. He didn’t seem happy. But he faked a smile when he asked, “Who is this guy? Do I know him?” I nodded. “What’s his name?” I shook my head, “I can’t tell you his name but I can show you where he lives.”

When we got to his street he asked me once again to tell him the name of the boy I was so smitten with. I pointed in the direction of his house and said, “He is fair, and he lives in that house over there.” He wasn’t the only fair boy who lived in that house but he knew instantly that it was him. Before he could talk, I took off. I run all the way home. I was out of breath but it wasn’t from the running. I was terrified he would reject me.

Thankfully, he left me a message in my inbox professing his love for me. I was more than happy. I got the prince. I titled our love story “The Love of Monique.” We were both seventeen and in high school. None of us were in the boarding house so there was no separation. We always met at the café, and sometimes at his house.

Our first kiss was my first kiss. He said he had kissed other girls before but he was a terrible kisser. He opened his mouth wide as if he was going to swallow my entire face. And our teeth kept clashing. I had read enough romance novels to know he was doing it wrong. So I stopped him and then took control of the kiss. It was slow and filled with curiosity. There were no fireworks but it was magical. “Monique, you are a bad girl. How did you know how to kiss like that?” he teased.

Our friendship made our love stronger. We talked about everything; family, goals, and the future. I was sure I would love him forever. That was until he started demanding we have shuperu. I wasn’t ready to cross that line yet. Moreover, we agreed we wouldn’t do it until marriage. So I didn’t understand his sudden desire to do it. I reminded him of our pact but he wouldn’t have any of it.

READ ALSO: 5 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married

I loved him, and I wanted to make him happy. But I also didn’t want to do something I would regret. In the end, we started having phone sex. I hated it but I did it for him. He said I was bad at it and that I didn’t give the right responses to the dirty things he said to me. I don’t know what he expected from a virgin. Soon, he started pushing again that we should meet and do the real thing. When I refused he said, “My brothers are teasing me because we don’t do it. They said I am a fool to date you and not touch you.” I started losing interest in the relationship there and then.

I knew he didn’t have his own mind if he was letting his brothers pressure him into pressuring me. So I started picking fights with him. I was always too busy to see him or talk to him. I responded to his texts quite late. I answered his calls with, “What do you want?” The love I had for him started to disappear. Maybe I had confused infatuation with love. Or maybe I did love him, but I cherished my virginity more. I was too young to tell the difference. I felt the only way to handle the situation was to leave him.

What Would You Say To An Ex Who Wants A Comeback? | Beads Media

One morning I sent him a text, “I am sorry, but I can’t be with you anymore. I no longer love you.” He called me immediately apologizing for whatever he must have done to upset me. But I had already fallen out of love with him so there was no going back. He spoke to my friends to talk to me. Even his mother asked me to take him back but I refused. In retrospect, I should have told him how uncomfortable he made me with his sex talk. Then we would have found a way to resolve it. However, I was emotionally repressed at that age. I smiled when I was angry, sad, or happy. I was not assertive. So I ended up breaking his heart without telling him why.

We were together for only six months, but the good parts were incredibly good. The bad part only started when he pressured me for shuperu. The relationship ended twelve years ago. Kofi is now married with kids. I have a child but I am not married. We talk once in a while just to catch up. When I think about all the men who came after him, I believe he was the only one whose love was true. But if I were given a choice to be with him again, I wouldn’t. I believe we just were not meant to be. Nonetheless, I am happy for the time we spent together. They will live in my memory happily ever after.

#MyFirstRelationship

—Monique

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

#SB