I’ve been with this guy for almost a year. From the initial stages, I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. He treated me like I was his everything. He was the first to call me early in the morning and the last to call in the night. I didn’t know what he wanted from me. The signals were clear but he never proposed. I played along as a friend until one day he told me; “I like you and want you to be my girlfriend but there is an issue. I know if I tell you what the issue is, you won’t agree to be my girlfriend.” I asked what the problem was.

He said, “I have a girlfriend. We’ve dated for three years. We are fine but since I met you, things have been different. I’m happy around you and want more of you.” I asked him, “Do you have any problems with your girlfriend? He said, “Naaa, I don’t. We are good.” “So why do you want me as a girlfriend? I asked. He answered, “It’s because I like you. I like you very much because of who I become when I’m with you.”

Honestly, I’d grown used to him. I’ve liked him from afar and I was always waiting for him to propose until he told me that. That day I didn’t say anything to him. I didn’t even tell him that I was going to think about it. He continued being sweet, sending gifts my way, and spending a lot of time with me. One day he kissed me and I kissed back. I felt the aggressiveness in his kiss. Like he had waited for so long and he had finally gotten it. I enjoyed it too. Actually, I was ready to be his girlfriend though he had another girlfriend. I didn’t mind.

We’ve been going on for the for all these months. Nothing has changed. He’s been the guy he’s always been with me. On weekends if he’s not on duty, he’ll come to my place and stay till late before he leaves. He would take me out to exciting places and bring me gifts when I hadn’t asked for anything. He doesn’t make me feel there’s another woman in between us. When I call him and he’s with his girlfriend, he’ll still pick the call and ask, “Is the wind blowing at your side?” Then I’ll know he’s with the girlfriend. It’s something we planned together.

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Each day, the love I have for him continues to grow but recently I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions. And the answers to these questions point to the fact that I want more than just being a side girl. I want to be the main girl. The only woman he spends his time with but I don’t know if he’s ready to let the main girl go and settle with me. I don’t know how to start that conversation with him and I don’t know how his reaction would be if he gets to know that I’m trying to push the main girl away.

I’m confused, honestly. The what-ifs are becoming too many in my mind and I don’t know how to play around it. What if I tell him to make me the main chick and I lose what I already have with him? What if he sees me as desperate and rather lets me go? What if he tells me he can’t let the main chick go? What will I do? What if I lose everything in the end? These questions get me scared to approach him with what’s in my mind but every day, I wake up knowing that I deserve better than what I’m already getting.

So, I’m asking the guys on this platform this question; do you guys ever let the main girl go so you can settle with the side girl? If that’s the case, then what will a girl do to convince you to let the main girl go? I don’t want to hang around for so long and waste my time. At the same time, I want something out of this relationship and I want it now. He’s a great guy. Guys of his kind are one in a million. Please help your girl.

–Esther

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