I got married as a virgin at the age of 20 to a 35-year-old man. I had always dreamed of spending quality time with my husband before having children. Ideally, I wanted at least six months of just the two of us. But considering his age, and a comment he made just a few days before our wedding, I figured I would rather tell him to let us wait for three months before we start trying for a baby.

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His comment was, “I can’t wait to have kids with you.”

His mother also said, “I can’t wait to start holding my grandkids in my arms.”

This is why I felt they would rush me. But to my surprise, my loving husband had other plans.

He said he wanted us to bond emotionally, and become best friends. “I want you to be physically comfortable around me before we bring a child into this marriage.”

Ours was an arranged marriage. We didn’t get to date for long. We barely knew each other at the time we were getting married. So I was so shy of him. That’s why I was so happy when he told me we should use two years to get to know each other before the kids start coming.

He assured me his mom was only joking, and true to his word, she hasn’t mentioned anything about grandchildren since our marriage.

Now, he was also a virgin when he got married. And even though I hadn’t done it before, I was worried my hymen was already broken. This is because I was very active and into all kinds of sports. I’ve played everything, learned karate, climbed trees, fallen hard many times, run up stairs two at a time, cycled for 30 minutes a day, and even fought with men.

Thankfully, he never asked me if I was green. I also didn’t volunteer any information. We found out my hymen was still intact two months into our marriage. Yes, two months. We had our reasons for waiting.

The next day, he went three rounds! He told me I fell asleep right after the first round, during what was supposed to be his “after play,” so he was just balancing the equation.

The main reason I’m writing this is that he often wakes me up around 1 or 2 a.m. to cuddle, and we end up going all the way.

I asked him if we have to do it every time his thing is up. He said it doesn’t go down until we do it.

Out of curiosity, I asked what he used to do about it before we got married. He said he never felt it like that before. It used to be the usual early morning kind that goes away on its own or after a cold shower. But now it happens at 2 AM and stays on until I bring him release.

“I think it’s because you are always so close to me. I find your touch irresistible.”

This means if I want him to slow down the midnight rendezvous, I would have to avoid physical contact when we go to sleep. That would be hard, considering our sleeping arrangements.

He can’t sleep without the AC, and I get cold because of it. So he moves close to cuddle me. That’s the only way we keep the AC on and keep me warm. But when the cuddles happen, intimacy shows up too.

I want to know if what he is experiencing is normal. It’s not the typical “morning wood” that goes down on its own. This one comes earlier than that and lingers till it gets what it wants.

We once had a disagreement, and I refused to let him touch me. He had an erection, and it didn’t go away even after 30 minutes. I gave in eventually because he had to go to work. He doesn’t take any kind of libido-enhancing drugs or eat those special foods. So I’m left wondering if it’s normal for a man to be like that.

I haven’t had any sexual experiences with other men. He was my first everything. Even my first kiss. So I don’t have anyone to compare him to.

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Everything is new to me even though our marriage is currently eight months old. I am also shy to have this kind of conversation with the people close to me. So when I have questions, I turn to Google for answers.

The articles have proven helpful so far but sometimes I wish I could have conversations with real-life people. So in the absence of a physical community I can talk to, I am turning to this page, a virtual community of people people who I believe have gathered enough experience to answer my questions.

Apart from the midnight affairs, I want to know if hickeys are supposed to be painful. The ones he gives me hurt when I unconsciously brush my fingers over them.

Also, is it normal to always fall asleep when he cuddles me after we tatata? I will be happy to know if all of these are everyday things people experience in their marriages, and not something I should be concerned about.

—Rita

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