From the deepest part of my heart,

I am writing this letter to all the mothers who clamored under Dorothy’s post asking for directions to the spiritualist she took her daughters to. And for all the mothers who have children with health issues. I want you to know that I understand your pain. I may not know exactly the impact it’s having on you but I too am a mother of a child with special needs. By special needs, I don’t mean it in the way we have allocated a caliber of illness to bear the name special needs.

If you have a child who was born with an illness or whose development is not as progressive as a regular child’s is, I term it special needs. You would need to give special attention to that child to make sure they are alright. As a mother, you may easily look at other people’s healthy children and ask yourself, “So why am I the only one whose child isn’t healthy?” Honey, you are not alone in this. Many children are born with medical conditions. I am a healthcare professional so I know what I am talking about.

There is delayed brain development that can affect speech, and behavioral development in children. You would see your child not behaving like someone their age should. A whole lot of factors cause these conditions. Some are avoidable, while others are genetic. This is why as parents, we have to understand that having a child comes with many responsibilities. It requires a great deal of sacrifice, patience, time, and money.

Some of these childhood conditions resolve as the child grows under medical supervision. In some cases, the prognosis is not good as the child grows with the condition. However, I don’t see how a fetish can heal a medical condition. If the child’s condition was caused by some spirit then it makes sense to go to the fetish priest or to a pastor to pray for the child.

Many parents refuse to spend money on medical care for their sick or not-so-sick children whose growth is delayed or not going as expected but are willing to pay pastors and spiritualists to get healing for these same children. By doing that, you will drive yourself crazy especially if you don’t get the help you want from them after they have taken your money.

How can a pastor or a fetish person diagnose a child’s health condition? Or is it that as a parent, you are already aware of some spiritual issues that caused your child’s condition?

As a mother, I want to take this opportunity to advise women who are preparing for motherhood. Yes, there are joyful and beautiful moments on this journey. However, it’s not all rose petals. You don’t enjoy a flower in its full form without getting pricked by a few thorns. Motherhood is like that. You are not guaranteed a perfect child, a healthy child, or a child who fits your expectations. When you embark on this journey, prepare yourself for what comes to you while you pray and hope for the best.

When the child arrives and the child has no health issues, hallelujah! Sing praises to the Creator, and follow through with regular medical check-ups until the child reaches the age where they go to the hospital only when they are sick.

If it happens that your child is diagnosed from birth as having a medical condition, get yourself educated on how to handle such a child. The news will be unsettling but take heart. You can cry, and do whatever to release the pain of the news, but don’t remain in that state forever. Get yourself informed on how to attend to your precious one’s needs. Constantly talk to your baby’s doctor to make sure you are getting the right treatment. If you don’t trust your medical care provider, then get a second opinion from another doctor.

When a woman decides to have a child, she has to prepare her body for it. It is an investment to ensure the best outcome. Regular medical checks, eating right, and taking supplements prescribed by your doctor are very important.

When you do get pregnant, see a gynecologist. Do your prenatal laboratory tests. Don’t be frugal with money when it comes to medical checks during pregnancy. The ANC laboratory tests are many and costly but getting them done will save you some headaches in the future. Get the scans done as well, and let your gynecologist explain the results to you.

When the child is born, go for regular reviews. The child should not be sent to the hospital only when he/she is sick. I see many mothers do that. After birth and one post-natal attendance, they don’t come to the hospital again.

First, start with taking the child to see the doctor every three months, then every six months, then once a year until the doctor says otherwise. These visits will help both you and the doctor know that your child is developing well. If any medical conditions are identified, treatment plans will be discussed then.

Parenthood is not a joke so don’t take it lightly. Sometimes it breaks my heart when I see many pregnant women walk away from the hospital without conducting necessary lab tests. Their excuse is that they don’t have money. It’s true, sometimes there are genuine financial challenges. Nonetheless, some of these women don’t take the hospital procedures seriously. They would rather use that money to sew funeral clothes or spend it on some other fruitless ventures.

Parents must be intentional and invest in their pregnancy. You are growing a human being, and the outcome impacts our lives forever. If your child ends up having a health condition, you will be guided by those who are trained to do so to manage your child.

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Finally, never compare children. People are different and so are children. A child may speak at age two while another at three. Sometimes growth may appear to delay but it’s normal. If you have questions, seek medical advice. Don’t go running to a spiritualist until you are convinced it’s a spiritual problem. Remember that nothing is for free.

As I stated earlier, I am a mother of a child with health challenges. I have learned to understand her condition. It was not easy when I first got the diagnosis but I came to accept it. I sought medical care. I didn’t sit at home rebuking the sickness in Jesus’ name. As a Christian, I believe you can pray to God for healing while allowing the doctors to help your child.

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Currently, my child has caught up with her age mates. She does not score all As in her exams but she is doing well and above average. I monitor her. I tell her teachers what to look out for when it comes to her physical health. I do this so that when something is off, they will know what it is.

I am a fulfilled mother because I have accepted that my child has problems. I listened to the doctors and did all the tests. Above all, I pray. I am grateful every day when I remember where I started. The problem has not gone away. It is overwhelming sometimes. I get tired yet I am grateful. No fetish priests, or pray-for-me pastors. All I have is my unwavering faith in God and paying heed to doctors’ instructions. For the mothers who have already found themselves on this path, what worked for me is patience. It helps me deal with things as they come. Understanding that there are no quick fixes has been my greatest ally.

All my love,

—Lily Rose

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