I wish I knew reading about sex is different from experiencing sex. Yes, that’s one thing I wish I knew before marriage. I was a virgin but I lied about it. I thought he wouldn’t like it. I thought he would find me naive and leave me so I told him, “I don’t want to do it before marriage. I’ve learned that when a man really wants you, he would wait.” He asked if I was a virgin and I said, “No, I’m not but I don’t want to do it before marriage.”

He understood me and that was the point I started reading materials about shuperu. I watched sex education and even watched the devil cartoons to know more about it. After a year of dating, we started talking about marriage. I told him, “I have a confession to make. “I told you I wasn’t a virgin but the truth is, I am. I don’t want to carry this lie along until marriage.”

He laughed at me and asked why I didn’t say it. I defended myself, “But trust me, that doesn’t mean I don’t know anything about it ooo. I’m a pro. I will shock you the day we get to it.”

We got married and the first time was terrible. I read that men like it when you moan. So I moaned out of pain and pleasure. He covered my mouth so I don’t make noise. I bit his hand and he took his hand off my mouth. I was still fake-moaning when he stopped. He said, “I don’t like noise when it gets to this point. Do you want the whole world to hear what is going on here?”

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I read also that walking around naked in the house excites a man. I did it often just to get his attention. One day he shouted at me when he got home from work; “Go and find something to wear. What is it that you’re walking around here like a vagabond monkey?”

Anytime after shuperu, he asked if I’d cum. I said yes but actually, I didn’t know what he meant. I didn’t know I should feel anything after sex. I lied about it but to date, I feel shuperu is just a chore you go through just to satisfy a man. I don’t feel a thing apart from pain and tiredness but they say I should feel something sensational.

I thought men love it every day and they only cheat when they don’t get it. So every night when we go to bed, I jump on him trying to get him to do it. Most often he declined. It made me sad. It made me feel I was failing at one thing that can keep my husband faithful. I cried. I asked if I wasn’t doing something right. “You don’t enjoy doing it with me? What can I do better? Just tell me and I will do anything for you.”

He simply said, “I’m to a machine. I can’t do it every day. Leave me alone. I want to rest.”

It looked like everything I read about men and sex was a lie. So I learned. I learned that all men are not the same and as such, I have to study the one I live with and know what he wants and give it to him. Moaning makes it for some men but my husband doesn’t like it. He wants to take it as the Catholics take communion; quiet and gentle.

I’ve been married for five years but each day is a learning curve for me because people don’t settle. They change as they grow. I’ve opened my eyes and my heart to see the change so I can adapt and face him squarely. That’s what keeps me going. That’s what makes it thick for me and the good thing is, he has mastered my emotions and knows when to do what. That to me, it’s a beautiful thing.

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We are both open books. We read a page from each other each day. We learn. We grow. We change. We adapt and keep going. What you read in a book or online may be true but to a certain extent, everything can also be a lie. Experience they say is the best teacher so I learn every day from experience.  

#ThingsIWishIKnewBeforeMarriage

—Ladie

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