I got a job immediately after I finished my national service. I was more than happy. I had plans. I was going to take good care of myself while I saved money for my future. All I have ever wanted is to live a good life. That’s the thing about life. You make elaborate plans but the unexpected swoops in and the next thing you know, you are making new plans. Exactly a month after I received my appointment letter, I found out I was pregnant. Luckily, I had started work already.

When I told my boyfriend about it he took it well. Unlike me, he didn’t have a job but he did not freak out. We were both in our final year at the university when we met in 2018. While I was lucky to gain employment right after national service, he was still at home applying for jobs. This meant that if we kept the baby, I would have to bear the financial responsibilities until he was ready. Regardless, we agreed to keep the baby.

When I told my family about the pregnancy, they were supportive. He also spoke to his family about it. Before I got to my second trimester, he came home and officially introduced himself to my family. “As soon as she gives birth, I will come back and perform the marriage rites,” he promised my people. They all believed him. I too believed him.

I took care of the pregnancy until the baby arrived. It was hard to do most of the heavy lifting alone but Joe couldn’t help so I had to. God being so good, he got a job three months after I had the baby. He didn’t earn much but it was better than nothing. I, especially, was happy for him. I was even more happy that he would be able to contribute financially to the upkeep of the child.

As the months passed, he started buying the things he felt we would need for marriage. Later, he went for the marriage list and started checking the items off it. We bought most of the items on the list within some months. He was saving up to buy our rings when he lost his job. Things went back to being bad again. He was financially drained after he stayed home for six whole months. While he was struggling to get back on his feet, I was the one holding the fort financially.

Joe’s unemployment put a dent in our plans to get married. We had to put all our plans on hold. Thankfully, it wasn’t for too long. Eventually, he got another job, and all the hope I had lost was revived in me. A month after he got this new job, we went to see our pastor and made our intentions to get married known to him. “It’s a good decision you people are taking. There is one piece of advice I give to every couple who discusses their marriage plans with me, and I will tell you the same thing. Look at your financial strength and plan your ceremony according to your pockets. Don’t do anything extravagant and incur unnecessary debts,” he said.

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I asked Joe to give me a timeline for our plans and he said, “Exercise some patience. At least, let me receive my first month’s salary before we start planning the ceremony properly.” I waited for him to receive his salary before I brought up the subject again. This time around he told me, “I have some debts to pay first. I have given myself till May to finish paying everything. We can start our preparations from June.” I have no problem with that. I am ready when he is ready.

My problem is, he won’t commit to a date for the wedding. I accept that we can start preparations in June. All I asked him afterward was, “How long are we going to make the preparations? What month are we going to set aside for the ceremony?” He said he doesn’t know.

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We’ve had this conversation several times and each time he tells me, “I can’t state a particular month. All I can say is we will start plans in June.” On more than one occasion, I have told him, “I am not looking for a big ceremony. I know we can’t afford it. I just want us to do something simple to legitimize our relationship, that’s all.” He still won’t commit to a date.

I have given it a lot of thought and I am convinced my baby daddy is not ready for marriage. I believe he only says, “I will marry you but I don’t know when,” to keep me attached to him. What if I wake up one day to find out he has only been stringing me along? Am I right to make this assumption or I am just overthinking things?

—Lina

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