I met my husband when I was 18 years old. We dated for about three years and later got married. There were red flags but I was too young to appreciate how high these flags could fly. Today, I’m paying for ignoring these red flags
He’s verbally abusive but sees nothing wrong with it. I’m his wife so he thinks he can talk to me anyhow and get away with it. We have four children. He takes very good care of these children as every good father would. He’s a good father to our kids but a bad husband to me.
For all these years that we’ve been married, we’ve been living with his family. I’m talking about his mom and siblings. It hasn’t been easy living with these people. I do most of the cleaning and cooking just because I’m the daughter-in-law. It makes me tired and wears me down. I discussed moving out of the house with him and he initially didn’t want to hear about it.
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I gave him the silent treatment for a while before he got the message. Instead of moving out, he told me to give him some time for him to complete our own building before we can move out. I feel he doesn’t love me anymore. Maybe, living with me for ten years has given him a change of heart about me.
He claims he loves me but I know what love is and it’s nothing close to what I’m experiencing with him. I want to move out of the house and rent a new place. I’m tired of pleasing my in-laws and tired of their constant disrespect to my person. Everyone thinks he’s a good father so I should be happy with him but that’s a quarter of the loaf. They say there’s no better man out there who would marry a 31-year-old lady with four kids so I should be content.
I don’t know where to go. Maybe I shouldn’t have married this early but it’s too late to brood over that. What should I do in this situation to restore happiness to my heart?
—Aku
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ladies please add value to yourself. dont ignore the red flags.
You know the song “love goes where love is”?
The only red flag I see here is verbal abuse! I think his appeal to you to hang in there while he completes the house for you and the kids is reasonable. Let go of the hurt and start smiling and loving more. That will put him in a good mood, not overnight but incrementally across a couple of months, he will come around. Then you can have a heart to heart conversation. You will be amazed at the insights you guys will share about each other. Keep an open mind and determine to shed what he dislikes about you and be a better person. I guarantee you, so will he.