Positive, that’s what the pregnancy test kit indicated. “Oh God, what am I going to do? This is not something I am ready for,” I thought. I was certain that I wasn’t ready for my entire life to change. So I made up my mind to get rid of it. There wasn’t much to think about. All that mattered was that it had to be done. When I told my boyfriend about the pregnancy, he was happy. “I am not keeping it,” I announced. His face dropped as he said, “Why would you say that? We are both adults. You are twenty-five, and I am thirty-four. No one will chastise us for getting pregnant. I am ready to be a father so let’s keep it, please.”

We both informed our families about the pregnancy, and our decision to keep it. My parents didn’t jump with joy at the news, but they were supportive. We all agreed that I should move in with Jordan while we plan our future together with the baby. Shortly after I moved in with him, something terrible happened. I lost the baby. We didn’t even make it past the first trimester. Although I didn’t want to keep the baby in the first place, losing it broke me. I had to go to the hospital for them to flush my womb. That experience alone was traumatizing.

Ever since the miscarriage happened last year, Jordan became a completely different person. I was living with him but he went out there telling everyone including his family members that we had broken up. I don’t know what his problem was. It seemed somehow he blamed me for what happened. He couldn’t say it straight to my face but I felt it through his actions. I was on some anti-bacterial medication by then so I moved to my parents’ house so I could focus on healing. And I continued to stay there in wait for my national service, long after I was physically healed.

While I was at my parents’ place, a lot of problems arose between me and Jordan. He was always hanging out with his friends and chasing girls. His behaviour kept draining me emotionally. I was already dealing with so much grief already. I didn’t have the heart to deal with his toxicity in addition, so I decided to break up with him. I didn’t inform him about the breakup, but I went to his place to collect my items. That was when he realized that I had changed toward him. I no longer called or texted him like I used to do. When he saw the change, he started apologizing to me and even got my mother to apologize on his behalf.

No matter what he said or did, my mind was made up. He did everything possible to get my attention. One evening I was there when he called. He still kept apologizing, “I am sorry for my behaviour lately. I promise to change if you give me another chance. I swear on the life of my unborn children that I will be the best boyfriend, ever.” I was mad at him but I decided to give him a second chance. The first few weeks we were back together were great. Our relationship went back to how it used to be before everything started. I truly believed he had changed.

READ ALSO: My Wife Has Given Me An Ultimatum To Move Out Of My Own Parent’s House

However, I noticed remnants of his old lifestyle when I visited him. There were no signs of women at his place, but I saw enough on his phone to know that he was still womanizing. I wasn’t even surprised, but what I couldn’t understand was why he would curse himself with the life of his unborn children that he wouldn’t cheat again, only to turn around and do it. What pained me in all this was the way he portrayed our relationship to these girls. He told them that we were broken up, and then sent them screenshots of our fights as evidence. Meanwhile, he wouldn’t let me keep male friends. The moment he sees that a guy is giving me attention, he would put pressure on me to stop talking to them or block them. So I don’t have male friends because of him.

He goes through my phone whenever it pleases him, yet I dare not touch his phone. Upon all this, he makes decisions about our lives without consulting me first. But if I make a decision about my life without consulting him, he would act as if I have committed the world’s greatest atrocity. “Why did you do this without telling me? We are partners, we have to make decisions together.” Those are the things he says but does not practice. His behaviour was really hurting me so I lied to him that I am pregnant. I wanted to see if it would change him in any way. What I didn’t anticipate was for him to be on his knees begging me to get rid of it.

Why Are You Still In This Marriage?–Beads Media

He listed things he wanted us to do before getting married and having kids. Those are things he never discussed with me. So I am beginning to believe that Jordan does not love me as he claims. He is probably using me as a placeholder until he finds the woman he wants to marry. If that wasn’t the case, he wouldn’t tell me one thing and then do the opposite. Unlike him, I can’t cheat so I am always in pain when he does it. Every day, I think about leaving him but I am in love with him so it hurts when I try to. I am so confused as to what to do now. Tell me, what do I do?

—Vera

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