Jude and I have been friends for almost three years now. I met him at the town I work in. He is a good man. That’s one thing I am sure of. When we talk, it’s about my growth and progress as a person. We talk about attaining higher education so we can climb higher in our careers. I believe it is only someone who genuinely cares about you who will make plans with you about your future. So I know I am important to him.

Although I am working, he sends me money regularly for upkeep. This is someone who hasn’t expressed any romantic interest in me. We barely even have conversations about romance or relationships. However, our closeness has stirred up emotions in me. Yes, I have fallen completely in love with this guy. He hasn’t said anything to me about his feelings but his actions are loud and clear. I know he is also in love with me. He is single and so am I.

Although his work transferred him to another town, nothing changed between us. The distance did nothing to separate us. We still talked as regularly as always. He still sent me money as often as he used to. We often talked about meeting each other to spend time together but our work schedules never allowed it.

Last week I was at work when he called me. He said he was in the town next to mine for a work assignment. “I want to see you so I am coming to your town from here.” I was still hours from closing so I told him, “Today is a very busy day so I can’t get away. But I want to see you so wait for me to close. Can you do that?” I told him I would clock out at 5 pm and get home by 7 pm. “That’s late,” he said, “You know I won’t get a car back to my town at that time.” I then proposed that he would sleep at my place and leave the next morning. I practically pleaded with him before he agreed to wait.

That night, I tried to cook for us but he objected to it. “It’s late, let’s just go out and get something light to eat,” he suggested. So we did. Upon our return, I asked him to take his bath and get ready for bed but he said no. He would rather not bathe. So I went ahead to bathe. After that, we started talking about our lives. He told me about his life in the new town he moved to. I also talked about everything he missed since he left town. Most of our conversations were about work issues.

When he was ready to sleep, I asked him to join me in bed but he refused. He chose to sleep on my couch instead. It occurred to me that I could use that opportunity to express my feelings for him. However, I was scared. “What if I make the first move and he thinks I am cheap or a loose woman?” I wondered. I didn’t want to ruin my chances by rushing so I let him be.

I woke up in the middle night and found him looking so alone on the couch. So I woke him up and said, “You should just come and lie next to me in bed. You don’t look comfortable where you are.” He said he was fine. We stared at each other silently for a few minutes. The entire time, I expected him to say something about his feelings for me but he was quiet. I was even ready to welcome his touch if he attempted to touch me but he didn’t.

Neither of us went back to sleep. So we just lay down talking. “Are you in a relationship?” He asked me. I answered no. I asked if he was also seeing anyone. “Not at the moment. I tried to date a lady I met but it didn’t work out. She knows you and how close I am to you so it made her insecure. She kept insisting I was dating you, and then left me.” I was relieved to hear he was single. I then encouraged him not to give up on love, and that everything will be fine.

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He slept off at some point but my mind was too troubled for sleep to visit. All I kept thinking about was how terribly I loved him. However, I didn’t think it was right for me to make the first move. I was still deep in my thoughts when he woke up. “It’s 5 am. I have to get going,” he announced. I was so hurt. It was as if he couldn’t wait to get away from me. That’s how I felt.

When he was finally ready to leave, he behaved as if he wanted to touch me but didn’t know how to. He seemed disappointed but I didn’t know why or at whom. While an awkwardness fell upon us, he sent me money. I saw it but I ignored it. So he told me, “Check your phone. I sent you something,” and then he left. Not even a goodbye hug.

He called later to let me know he arrived at his destination safe and sound, but there was something different about the way he spoke to me. Things have been different since that time. Now, he takes forever to respond to my messages. I would call him several times before he answers it. Even if he finally picks up, his tone is low. All the excitement with which we used to talk is gone.

This is where I need your advice. I have never been in this situation before so I don’t know what to do. Will I be too forward if I express my love for him and ask why he didn’t make a move on me? I know he loves me. He has a friend that I know. And this friend of his sometimes tells me about conversations they had about me. “If only you know how much Jude loves you,” he would say. If he can tell his friend how he feels, then what’s keeping him from talking to me? Really, how should I handle this?

—Anita

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