I had just completed senior high school when Manuel came into my life. He was not the first man to show interest in me but he was the first who caught my eye. Unlike the others who aggressively thirsted after me, this one was different. He was calm when he told me he loved me. And he was gentle the first time he took my hand in his. Everything about him screamed protector. That’s why I felt safe with him.
I trusted Manuel with all my heart. I agreed to be his girlfriend and said yes to everything he demanded from me. I never shied away from his touch or turned away from his kiss. When he whispered sweet nothings into my ears, I blushed and giggled like the teenage girl I was. Because he earned my trust, I didn’t turn him down when he asked to thrust into me.
Our love was as sweet as fresh palm wine. I was so sure that we would spend the rest of our lives together. That’s why when I found out I was pregnant I comforted myself saying, “Manuel loves me. We will have this baby together and then get married.” I had to learn the hard way that playing out someone’s reaction in your head does not manifest that reaction into reality.
Unlike what I had dreamed, Manuel asked me to get rid of the pregnancy. “We are too young to take on such a big responsibility. Let’s get rid of it so we don’t force adulthood upon ourselves before we are ready,” he said. I couldn’t imagine myself doing such a thing so I refused. He couldn’t force me, thus, we kept the baby. He stuck around until after the baby arrived. When we were having the naming ceremony he was right there beside me. I was happy that my refusal to get rid of the pregnancy didn’t change anything between us.
However, I found out later that my happiness was premature. Unbeknownst to me, this guy was waiting for all the necessary things to be done. As soon after the naming ceremony was held, he left me.
My family was gravely disappointed but they did well not to take it out on me. When the baby grew older, my mum took him in and sent me back to school to further my education. I promised her I would graduate, get a good job, and let a man marry me the proper way so I would erase the shame of the first relationship.
I was well on my way to fulfilling this promise when Marley crossed my path. I was in level 200 in school then. He was a colleague. When he started getting close to me, I let him. I saw that he was a good guy. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, I told him my story. The story of how I gave all my trust to a man only to end up a single mother. Marley swore he was a better man than Manuel. “I promise you, I will marry after school.” There was a sincerity with which he spoke. I couldn’t not believe him.
We dated and completed school without having sex. When he was ready for marriage he asked me, “When are you taking me home to meet your people? I am ready to do what is required to claim you as my wife.” I held his hand and took him to my family. He performed the knocking rites and an official introduction was done. When they gave him the marriage list I told him, “We are partners in this so I will help you buy the items on the list.”
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This guy turned down my offer. “I am the man. I am about to marry you. So I am going to buy every item on the list without your help.” What choice did I have but to say okay? A few months later, this guy announced that he bought all the items on the marriage list. He wouldn’t let me see them because it wasn’t customary. That was what he said.
He proposed that I get pregnant. That way we would combine the naming ceremony and the marriage ceremony together. Everything looked good and sounded true. Maybe I am just too trusting. Long story short, I agreed and we got pregnant. It was when I was six months into the pregnancy that I found out he didn’t buy even one scarf on the list. Not a single item.
He Called Me On The Phone So I Could Hear The Other Woman’s Voice
Although I was upset, I continued to be with him. I was with him for seven years hoping we would eventually get married. But it didn’t happen. Along the line, he said the relationship was no longer working for him, and that he had to move on. He did not fulfill his promise. Which means I now have two children with different fathers. This is not the life I envisioned for myself. I see them and feel like a failure.
I feel ashamed that I have children with different men. Sometimes I want to erase what has happened. I want to give something to the children to unalive them. Then I will consume the same poison myself so we will all be gone. I don’t want to live with myself and the reminders of my shame. Please, I need someone to talk me out of this.
—Marie
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You don’t have to be ashamed of your kids . You can’t undo the past but you can prepare a better future for yourself by accepting your mistakes,correcting it, and loving everything that came along with it. That includes your kids . Be proud of how far you have come. You have to live and be a good mom and role model to your kids. Forgive yourself of the mistake of the past. You are not a bad mom far from it. People took advantage of your innocence. It’s time to stand up for yourself and your children. You are alive for a reason. Don’t give up God has more instore for you.
Please and please, don’t take your own life and that of the kids. I should be proud of yourself and the kids. There are some women out there who could not give birth and seriously looking for one which they couldn’t find. Please don’t end it. Once there is life there’s hope. Just better your life, find something doing with your hands and at the right time Mr. Rightman will come. Keep trusting God and be prayerful.
Coinfide in an elderly person or your pastor so they help you obtain the services of a counselor.
Just remember you’re not the first and neither will you be the last to have two children with different men. There are worse situations than yours. So keep hope alive and focus on raising the kids and don’t do anything otherwise
My own advice is for both young girls and boy most especial girls stop opening your legs for men that av not payed your bride price am begging you all pls stop no man will enter you leek all your sweet finish and still expect him to marry you accept few,Note sex b4 marriage is Sin and Sins come with regrets
All of us have made mistakes. All of us have at some point been taken advantage of. All of us have been treated as trash by people we fully trusted. And the results are with us. But we overcame. God did it for me. He can do it for you. Trust Him. Your children should be an inspiration, the reason to live on, the source of your passion, happiness and energy. Change your perspective of them my dear. GOD CAN AND WILL DO IT.
Hi dear, I understand how u feel but remember that the downfall of a man is not the end. Life is what you get when you have not planned for. about 90% of people started with undesirable life but we moved on.
Suicide, homicide, what what… shouldn’t come into ur mind. Just draw closer to God(true Christian) and u will witness blessings of our God
Look at things from a different angle koraa. Indeed God has been good to you. He has given you two people you can trust and depend on and pour your love into forever. They are also going to adore you forever, if you treat them right. You could have married either of these guy and have tons of children with them, and they would still leave you. But these “little monsters”, they are going to make mummy proud, and they’ll always be a part of your life. God’s lesson to you is this: put your trust in ME! Read Elly’s advice above over and over again. It’s true what she says. Don’t give up. Go to church with the kids.
You shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself. Those two men should they deceived you. The deceivers should be bore the shame and not the deceived. Trust is a virtue you only trust wrong people. Forgive yourself for trusting the wrong specimen of men so get up get going. But make your mind and know that no man deserves access to your body who without marriage.
You shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself. Those two men should they deceived you. The deceivers should bear the shame and not the deceived. Trust is a virtue you only trusted the wrong people. Forgive yourself for trusting the wrong specimen of men so get up get going. But make your mind and know that no man deserves access to your body without marriage.