My wife has been on this mission since day one. I think about it and it gets me angry that a woman I married would be this unfair to me. She thinks it’s nothing to worry about. She said I’m behaving like a child. I told her, “then stop it. It’s not fair!” She would laugh at me and continue to do the same thing the following day. Our marriage is new, we are still under a year. We are getting to know each other and so far I can say all is well except that one thing.

We dated for nine months before we got married. A lot of people said I didn’t know her enough to commit to her for a lifetime but to me, nine months isn’t small. A baby is carried for nine months before it becomes a full human. If a full human can develop within nine months, then a relationship can turn into a full marriage in nine months too. She’s a daughter of my mother’s friend and it was through our mothers that we met. I went home one holiday and her mother came to visit my mother. It started as a joke. Her mother said, “Eiii Kojo na w’ayɛ papa saa no?” My mom answered, “Say that again ooo. They crawl today and grow beards tomorrow. That’s Kojo.” Her mother chirped, “Oh that’s nice, then Akosua has a husband. She doesn’t have to go far from home to get a husband. They can be a great couple.”

I met Akosua once and I saw the truth in what her mother was saying. She was beautiful and well-mannered. I made it a point to get to know her outside the relationship between our parents. I took her number and left the town the following day. We talked for weeks, got connected on social media and had a video call every night before we slept. I proposed to her and she said yes. Out of the nine months, we dated distantly for six months. I was always away because of work. She travelled to visit on weekends sometimes. I went home to see her on weekends sometimes too. Soon, our parents caught what was going on and they pushed us to make it official. We did and here we are as a married couple. 

We both agreed that we had a lot of knowing-me-knowing-you to do because we didn’t live together for that long. After marriage, it took some months before she finally got the transfer to be with me here. She’s a teacher. She closes from work early and I mostly get home late in the evening. One thing I love about my wife, she will cook and serve mine on a table and cover it as our mothers did to our fathers. I will call and tell her I’m on my way coming and by the time I get home, food is already served and covered. I’ll eat my food while she sits next to me and we talk. I didn’t realize it at first so I ate my food every evening without complaints. 

I went to visit my mom and she gave me a live chicken to take home. I carried the chicken from our hometown to our house and my wife killed the chicken to prepare food. When she served the food, I realized the chicken’s head was on my food. I was like, “Akosua, what’s the head of the chicken doing on my food?” She teased, “The head eats the head. You’re the head of the house so you get to eat the head.” That was my first time seeing a chicken’s head in soup. I told her, “Naa, I can’t eat that. Please take it off my food.” When she took it off, I thought she was going to bring a replacement but that replacement never came. I assessed the meat on my food and realized I got only the bony part of the chicken. In fact, I was unhappy but I didn’t talk about it. That day brought a certain awareness to me. It had always been there but I never thought about it until that day.

Anytime I came home to well-served food, I always got the head of whatever was used to cook. Head of a fish, the head of a goat, the head of everything or the bony part of meats. One day I addressed it. “Why do you always give me the head part of whatever you cook with? It’s not once or twice but each time I get served, I get served with the head of the fish. Does that mean you don’t buy any part apart from the head?” 

She laughed at me first before saying, “I buy them in full that’s why it always comes with the head.” I said, “I don’t have a problem with that but why do I always get the head?” She said I was exaggerating and that it wasn’t always. I said, “Fine. We’ll see going forward.” So each time I got served with the head I drew her attention to it. She thought I was being petty but I was drumming home a point. She stopped serving it constantly and started alternating between the head and any part that had little flesh on a bone. Today head, tomorrow tail. Head, head, head, tail, head. Head again and then tail or some funny part. I was drawing her attention to it until it turned into an argument. 

“Fish has a head and someone has to eat it. Unless you want to tell me that I shouldn’t cook with the head again.”

“I’m saying I’m not the person that has to eat it the head all the time. Even when you cook with meat, I’m the one who gets the bony part. You’re selfish, Akosua.” 

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We exchanged words and went to bed angry that night. The following day, I came home to see an empty table. I asked, “Where’s my food?” She answered, “I’m tired of the complaints. Today this tomorrow that. Go to the kitchen and serve yourself so you can pick whatever you think is good for you” I took off my cloth and went to the kitchen myself. It was rice and stew. I went through the stew and all that was left was fish head and sausage. She was looking at me while I was going through the stew. She said, “That’s the same stew we ate over the weekend so stop staring at me.” I put the ladle down and didn’t eat that evening.

Even on weekends when I’m home and we can eat together, Akosua will tell me she can’t eat well when she eats with someone. She’ll give me an excuse just to give me fish head. Her motto now is, “Everything has a head and someone has to eat it.” The unfortunate thing is, I’m always that someone who gets to eat the head. 

I’m the one who pays for food. I provide the money so I expect to at least be treated like a person who provides. Here, the one who provides is not as important as the one who cooks it. She cooks it and serves herself the best part. I’ve learned a lesson so on weekends right after cooking, I rushed in there to serve myself first. She would make fun of me but I don’t care. The issue is, she always finds a smart way to get what she wants and the way I see it, I can’t compete so I’ve given up.

When I’m coming from work, I’ll ask what she cooked so I’ll buy my own meat from town. When she serves me head and other nonsense parts of meat, I put them away and eat what I bought. I’m solving my problems so we don’t fight to the extent of bringing a third party into our marriage issues all in the name of a fish head. Just imagine two adults fighting and you ask them why and they tell you because of a fish head. No, I’m too mature for that and I have a face to protect. I won’t allow her to drag me to that level. 

Now she calls me stingy. Stingy because I didn’t agree to increase housekeeping money. Her solution was for me to increase it so she can buy good meat and fish. I give enough. We are only two people in this house and what I give should be enough to cater to our needs. I won’t be pressured to give more when the simple solution is to buy my own meat. 

What Would You Do If You Caught Me Cheating On You?–Beads Media

One day she didn’t cook. I asked why and she said she was waiting for me to bring meat for cooking. I laughed at her and went to sleep without eating. I ate at work so I was OK. Currently, she talks the talk while I walk the walk. Unbothered. I won’t stress about the little things in my marriage. She’s a good woman. She’s very supportive and hardly gets angry. She knows her role and she takes it very seriously and pushes me to take mine seriously. The only thing is her penchant for serving me fish heads. That problem is now resolved so we move. They say every marriage has some problems. Ours is about a fish head and that’s OK. I’m a man of solutions so I’ve resolved it the best way I can. Again, we move. 

–Atta Kojo

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