I met him when I was entering the hospital with my mother. It’s a huge hospital and I didn’t know where to go so I greeted him and asked him where to start. He pointed in a direction and said I should go left and turn right and go straight. I did exactly that and got to the reception where the nurse there took over. After checking my mother’s BP and creating a file for her, we were directed to a section where the queue was massive.
While seated and waiting for our turn, I saw him passing by. He saw us but didn’t say anything. He went in and came back again and signalled me to come. He told me, “I’ve spoken to a nurse and she’ll attend to you very soon so carry your mom and follow me.” I was grateful. I felt special.
I followed him down a corridor, got to a door and he knocked. The nurse came out. When she saw us she asked, “Oh, these are your people?” He nodded. The nurse took us in and opened the backdoor for us to meet the doctor. Within fifteen minutes, we had finished seeing the doctor and were on our way to the dispensary. Again, he appeared. He pulled some strings and we were served first.
He mentioned his name as Paul. He said he was a junior doctor. He looked very clean, like someone who takes himself very seriously so I wasn’t surprised to know that he was a doctor. We exchanged numbers and I left with my mother. In the car going home, my mom said, “The young doctor likes you. It’s the only reason he’ll stop whatever he was doing to ensure we get special treatment.” I answered, “How can he likes me when he doesn’t even know me?” My mom replied, “How can he not like you and still do all that for us, total strangers? Be nice when he calls. He looks like a man with a good heart and he’s a doctor too.”
He called and we became friends. He asked about my mom’s health every day so one day I gave the phone to my mom and they had a conversation. Come and see my mom, doing all she could to invite this gentleman to come and visit us. “When you see me, you’ll know if indeed the medicine given to me is working. It’s slow. Today I feel good but tomorrow I would be down again.” She told him.
He came to visit one day and I knew it was love that pushed him that far because from the hospital to our house is quite a journey. My mom made him feel like the messiah. I did my best to let him know I appreciated his effort that day and was happy he came to see us. After a month or two, we became an item. It was too obvious he liked me so I saw the proposal coming. Even before he said anything, my mom was always on me asking me, “Hasn’t he proposed to you? Or he has said it and you’re playing hard to get? He’s a doctor ooo, don’t be a silly girl and lose him.”
The fact that he was a doctor played a role but when we became lovers and I got to know the kind of person he was, being a doctor became a bonus. He was so down to earth that he would do everything to make me happy. He lived in a very small place but his presence in the place makes it look bigger than it is. I would go to him on weekends, cook for him and help him do his laundry. He won’t sit and watch me do it. He would be around me, helping me all the way.
He kept me at the centre of his dreams. Our relationship became the foundation on which he built his life. You should hear him talk about the future–our future and you’ll fall in love with him over and over again. “You see, this place is not meant for our future. It’s too small. I will one day become a full doctor and the money will start coming. We’ll relocate to a beautiful place where our love deserves to grow. It’s just a matter of time, you wait and see.”
His dreams were beautiful but he didn’t have the money to support it. I was the one providing. If I had to cook for him, I had to use my money. If I had to buy something for his house, I had to pay. His gas got finished and he called to tell me. I was even paying for electricity sometimes. What’s love got to do with it? Everything. I loved him for who he was to me and I loved him for the man he would become in future so I was ready to help, to see him thrive, to see him grow so someday I become the one person who was there for him when he had nothing. Even my mom encouraged me. She supported my decisions when it came to our relationship.
My friend’s father got sick and was sent to the hospital. She knew my boyfriend and knew he worked at the hospital so she called one day asking me to call Paul to help her get through the queues. Unfortunately, Paul wasn’t on duty that day. When I called him, he said he had gone to the campus to pursue a document he was working on. My friend’s father was admitted for three days but unfortunately, he died.
Days later my friend called me, “Are you sure about Paul and what his work is?” I answered, “Yeah, He’s a junior doctor. Why do you ask?” He asked me, “What does a junior doctor do at the hospital?” I answered, “He’s also a doctor but not a fully grown doctor. Why all these questions?”
She told me, “I’m at the mortuary to see my dad’s body. He was the one who brought my dad’s body out. I’m not far from him. I’ll send you a photo.”
She said a photo but she sent me a two-minute video. Paul was wearing his hospital rug with an apron on it. He was wearing long gloves while standing close to the cart the body was on and giving them information. From the video, it was clear what his job really was.
I broke down. I was shattered. The one person I trusted so much and loved with everything in me decided to hide who he really was from me.
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I didn’t want to talk to him on the phone. I met him in the house. I showed him the video and he got deflated. For several minutes, he couldn’t talk. He kept rubbing his face with his cupped palms. “Ɛrrrrm, I was thinking of how to tell you but I knew I would lose you so I didn’t know how to go about it.” I told him, “Good. I found out myself. You’ve lost me. I don’t know what else you’re hiding. Is your name really Paul? Are you sure you told me your real name?”
My heart was broken but the one whose heart I didn’t want to break was my mother. She had high hopes in him that he started spreading the news that I was dating a doctor. So I told Paul, “You can’t tell my mom anything for now. She’s fragile. Don’t try to get her to say some for you. She’ll break down if she gets to hear this news.”
He begged me to stay. He told me he was working his way out of the mortuary. He made lofty promises just to get my attention again. I told him, “It’s not about what you do. The way you helped me at the hospital that day if you told me what your work was, I still would have found you worthy of my love. I fell in love with your kind heart first before anything else. My mom too, but you lied. I don’t think I can ever trust you again.”
For about a month we haven’t been amicable with each other. He tries to get back into my life. I keep pushing him away. I told him he has become to me what those dead bodies are to him. Worthless. So he should let me be.
My mom was getting the hint. She is no fool. She wasn’t hearing from him and wasn’t seeing him around so he started asking questions. I told her the truth. “He’s not a doctor. He works on dead bodies at the mortuary. He lied.” The question she asked was, “But how can Paul hide such a thing from us? I thought he was a good man. And he thought you won’t find out? Then he didn’t plan to have you for a long term because a man’s job can’t stay hidden for a very long time.”
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I thought my mom would hurt but she’s fine. She told me it happens so I should move on. She’s the one encouraging me to stay strong. Telling me I’m still young so love will find me again. The kind of love that has nothing to hide. I believe her. Paul is dead to me. He’s now in my mortuary, where I keep the dead stories of my exes.
—Nera
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Learn to forgive so that God can forgive you your sins. At least he has regretted lying to you. But the part where you are saying he is dead to you is not right. Words are powerful. Life is too short to bear grudges. True love forgives, if you truly ever loved him you would forgive him and not hold it against him. Mind you every one lies for a reason but him lying to you was out of fear. And this fear has given rise to this problem. A mortician is also a type of doctor. Every relationship is different. Maybe in your next relationship you will find someone who tells the truth or even lie. But mind you the only difference between these two is the mind set behind it. The way you saying it ,it looks like you have never lied before. But I doubt it. Each and every one of has lied in one way or the other. There are two types of liers. The one when being caught will continuously lie because he does not regret and is unwilling to change. The other one is the one who when being caught admits it and is willing to change. At least among these two the latter is better than the former. No one is perfect. Learn to forgive so that you won’t be bitter. You are bitter that’s why you are saying all these things. Bitterness stop you from doing and seeing good and even blocks people from you. Learn to let go off all grudges so that you can be free .
Dear Nera, Congratulations for proving Paul right that he needed to lie to you to stand a chance of dating you. This proves that the only reason why you dated him was because you thought you had found a doctor. And yeah that was the reason for your mom’s persistence in pushing you towards him too.
If Paul was an actual doctor who initially lied that he was a mortuary Attendant and you found out the truth later, would you leave him for lying? Would you mum be telling you to walk away because of the initial lie? Y’all can lie to yourselves but it’s clear you had no interest in Paul as a person. You were only interested in what you could get from marrying a doctor. I’m so happy for him that you’ve shown your true colors. Please walk away and never look back because he deserves so much better than you.
Madam,truth be told its because he turned out to be a mortuary man.
Six to seven years in school to become a doctor is no joke and certainly not a bonus when one become one.
Some women have a great dream of settling down with a doctor,so were you so you are just angry he isn’t and lied about it.
Just be truthful to yourself that the relationship ended because he is a mortuary attendant.
This is not gold-digging by any standards. After all was she not the one spending? A girl who has been brought up well, and who has taken good care of herself deserves a successful professional. It’s an investment. But Paul’s lies is unforgivable. What else is he going to lie about in future? She was very right to walk away from him. Well done.
Nera, you fell in love with his profession as a “Dr” and not his personality, character or any other thing.
Forgive him & yourself and move on.
You and your mom are gold diggers. I’ve seen so many girls send so much on people with huge careers because they think they would benefit in the future. These same girls treat other men terribly. They are willing to do anything and everything to fit in the profile of someone doing well even if they are being used. Your mom is even the bigger disappoinment. She suddenly forgot everything and said u will find love. Naaah gold diggers don’t. They find another gold and end up being used as the tools to dig up. They are used but not apprehended just like he was using u when u thought he was a doctor. As actual doctor can actually use u and still marry from a decent family.
Well life is full of up and downs. Yet still you have to keep your integrity. Life would have been more wonderful, peaceful and longer if everyone understood the word LOVE. It is the greatest treasure one could ever possess (milliel).
What is your definition for LOVE?
To me LOVE is described in the first epistle of Paul the apostle to the Corinthians (1st Corinthians 13:4-8) in the word of God, the Bible. Also 1st John 4:7 and 8.
Thank you.
Relationships built on the foundations of lies are akin to a structure (no matter how glamorous) seated on a feeble foundation. For as to what is likely to happen to such a building in a matter of time, your guess is as good as mine! Trust mean different things to different people. To some it’s the concrete that binds the relationship,to others a life support, and to others still, a parachute for a safe landing. And once broken, can be very difficult to repair depending on the individual.
And hey, it’s her personal choice whom she chooses as a lover. It’s the Pharisaic righteousness of a broke guy that condemns a woman for not wanting to marry a ‘broke guy’. It’s her choice!
And from the narrative, who was digging gold from who? Paul or Nera? It’s even safe to say Paul was mining pearls of diamond using Nera as his concession. Admittedly, another lady would have decided to stay…and that would have been her decision and her choice too.
It hurts me when people wants to more sympathetic towards the victim than the offender.
Nera, I wish you well. You acted on your good conscience.