My girlfriend wants my money urgently. She says it’s for her mother’s medical bills, her dad’s upkeep, and her brother, who is frequently unwell and always visiting the hospital. I do my best—I send money when she asks. If I don’t have money, I talk to her, saying, “Dear, I can’t respond to this one urgently. Can I give it to you on this date?”
She’s good to me, and I feel I have to reciprocate somehow, so I use these periods when she’s urgently in need of money to do so. I didn’t have a problem with it until the requests started coming every week. She’s working, and her salary arrives without fail every month, but it’s my money she uses to solve her urgent problems.
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I told her to slow down with her urgent needs because I’m saving to buy a new monitor for my work. She responded, “So a monitor is more important than my needs?” I almost replied, “Your needs take what I have, but a monitor will bring what I don’t have.”
She would have been mad, so I didn’t say it. Instead, I said, “I’m not choosing anything over your needs. I’m just asking you to tone it down so I can look out for other things too.”
She then changed the way she asked for money. It was no longer, “I need GHC 500 urgently.” It became, “Can you send me GHC 600? Or is the monitor dream more important?”
I told her to stop being annoying and focus on the betterment of the relationship we were building. She then said, “If it annoys you whenever I ask for help, why don’t you give me something monthly so I stop asking?”
I initially agreed but later felt she was taking me for a ride, so I changed my mind.
When I changed my mind, it shifted the dynamics of the relationship. She wouldn’t call, then later would ask what she should use to call me. She wouldn’t respond to my texts and later claimed she didn’t have data, even though she was actively updating her status. The whole thing became about money and never about me, so I advised myself and stopped trying. For weeks, we didn’t talk.
I Accepted His Proposal When I Hadn’t Met Him Physically
Yesterday, she came to my place to resolve our differences. I told her her constant urgent need for money was what was destroying our relationship, nothing else. She said she would change. But as she was leaving, she asked, “Won’t you give me transport fare? This is not urgent.”
I didn’t pay. I’m now convinced she’ll never change, so I plan to leave the relationship without telling her.
But my question is: Would a woman do this to a man she truly loves, or is it only the ones they don’t love that they decide to fleece?
— Aaron
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Good women don’t ask for money. They only do when it’s urgent. A true woman knows you have your needs hence you are not obligated to give her money all the time. She is just greedy and stingy. For all you may know she lied to you concerning the welfare of the family. Besides she is manipulative. You can’t change her and she is not willing to change. The biggest form of investment is in yourself. Let her go. This behavior is toxic and destructive to one’s mental health.
Thank you dear fir being open,frank and truthful about this although the feminine advocates will think otherwise.
Dear Aaron,please stop giving her the money and see what happens.
She’s in for your money and wine it’s finished, she will move on. Build yourself first man else ….
Get the banana first and the “monkies” will come themselves.
Maame Afua has said it all. Inform her of your decision to leave the relationship. Focus on you and build yourself.
She doesn’t love you. She’s only for the money. But I don’t understand why some ladies will be a thick in some guys life. Guys too it serves you right, when you get the right ones you play tsastela with them. Just face your life and find the real one.
If the relationship survives 3 months after you withhold other payments apart from monthly support of not more than GHC 500 then you are good to go.
Test and see
You mentioned that she was good to you too that’s why you didn’t mind giving her money. You also mentioned that she wasn’t like this before. Although you didn’t tell us how long you’ve been dating and when this money grabbing behaviour started. I think you should try to find out what is causing all this. Everyone has given good advice. But I feel that you should take Bill S’s advice and see if she will be satisfied with what you can give her. Also you should try to find out exactly what is caused her behaviour to change. Her behaviour has been entitled and aggravating, but try to weigh her good parts with her bad parts. Nobody is perfect. There’s no guarantee that your next girlfriend won’t have a fault that’s even worse. So why don’t you try to see if you can work this out, especially if she says that she’s willing to work on herself. But whatever you decide to do, would be fine.