I am a typical church girl. I am also a good girl in every sense of the word. Above all, I don’t joke with my walk with the Lord. I am not saying that I am without sin. What I am saying is that I try not to deliberately put myself in situations that will lead me into temptation. For example, my entire life I have stayed away from romantic relationships because of the calibre of men who come my way. Most of them didn’t seem interested in me as a person. Their interests were in the shape of my body and how they could sink their predatory teeth into my supple flesh.

I knew nothing good would ever come out of engaging such men so I stayed away from them. I told myself, “These men are objectifying me because they are not Christians. So I will wait till I meet a Christian who also values his relationship with God. A man like that will respect me and treat me with decency. He will also understand that we have to wait until marriage before we know each other biblically.” And I waited and kept my virginity and purity for God. Although a lot of offers from men came my way, I turned all of them down until I turned twenty-one. That was when I met Joshua. He is four years older than me, and a member of my church.

When he first approached me I told him, “I have no interest in starting a relationship with anyone till I am ready for marriage.” He asked me, “How would you know if you are compatible with someone unless you date them?” I replied, “I have told God that I will keep myself pure for him and not engage in any sexual activity until marriage. That’s why I am staying away from relationships.” He then said, “I understand your concerns. What if I told you that I am also celibate and that I intend to keep myself until marriage? Will that convince you to give me a chance?”

I asked if he meant it or if it was a hypothetical situation. And he assured me that he would like to be in a relationship that wouldn’t involve shuperu until marriage. I didn’t even doubt him because he was in the same church as him. We were guided by the same doctrines, and he always looked very on fire for God. So I said yes, and we started dating. The first few days were very clean. He didn’t even try to touch me inappropriately when we were together. This made me feel happy and relaxed around him.

One month into the relationship we were texting when out of nowhere he said, “Show me your breasts, send a photo.” I responded, “Huh? Have you lost your mind? There is no way I am doing any such thing.” He tried to convince me to change my mind but I didn’t budge. Ever since that moment, he only gives me compliments about my body. He would say things like, “Your butt looks great in that dress.” “Your lips look so tempting when you wear that lip gloss.” “The blouse you are wearing accentuates your breasts.” It was so uncomfortable, but no matter how many times I told him to stop, he wouldn’t stop. He said he was only appreciating God’s creation.

Along the line, he asked that we go on a proper date as a couple. It sounded exciting until this guy said, “I will book a hotel room so we can spend the day there.” I told him, “We shouldn’t be going to a hotel to spend time together, especially not on our first night. Let us go to an open place.” My suggestion didn’t sit well with him so he tried to persuade me that the hotel room was better because we could talk uninterrupted. But I refused to go, and he has not suggested another date since then.

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Another thing he does is to call me via video call and ask me to be on the call with only my brassier on. Of course, I don’t do it. So he is always complaining that I don’t make him happy. He always says, “There is nothing wrong if you show me your nudes. It’s not a sin. In fact, because I am your boyfriend, it makes it acceptable. So stop being a hard girl and show me some flesh.” I can’t stand it when he talks like that. It makes me feel as if I am just a body, meant for his pleasure. Right now, we have been together for five months, and his attitude has totally thrown me off the course I hoped this relationship to take. When men outside our church behave like this, it doesn’t surprise me. But for Joshua, a guy in my church to do this is shocking. It hurts to know that he is no different from every other man I have met before him.

Because of him, I have concluded that church boys are worse than men in the world. He keeps saying he loves me, but a kind of love that seeks to lead me away from God is not love at all. I want to break up with him but I don’t know how to go about it. I keep thinking that it will make things awkward when we keep seeing each other in church. Please, is there a way I can leave him and still keep things peaceful between us?

— Mercy

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