Despite his pleas that I forgive him, I have made it clear to him that this is where I draw the line. I don’t have the energy to stay in a relationship filled with lies and betrayal. This is not the man I have known and loved selflessly for the past five years. So where do we even go from here? Imagine finding out that your partner has been living an entirely different life at your blindside. Would you ever trust them again? 

I was easily drawn to him because he is intelligent. Not only that but he took his life seriously. He had this focus and drive that inspired me and taught me not to relent in doing big things with my life. In all our conversations, he always put forth rational arguments.

No matter how bad a situation appeared, he always looked at the positive side by exploring opportunities to find solutions to the problem. He also had these little and cute ways of making me feel loved. My heart didn’t stand a chance. It fell hard for him. 

When things became official between us he told me, “Cheating is a deal breaker for me in a relationship. I will never cheat on you. I don’t even know how to do it. So I don’t expect you to do it. And with the kind of connection we share, I am sure that if one of us tries it, the other one will find out.” I was happy to hear this.

I liked that he felt this strongly about the subject. It meant he was the ideal man for me. As someone who has experienced firsthand the pain and stress that comes with dealing with a cheating partner, I was happy this relationship was going to be different. 

Within a year, he performed the knocking rites and we moved in together. I have a child from a previous relationship. He gladly opened his arms to my little girl and stepped in to be a father to her. So far, he has done an amazing job of being her dad, I will give him that. 

Apart from living together as a family, our relationship was made stronger by the fact that Fiifi and I own a thriving business together. This meant the world to me. That our partnership went beyond lovers, but also work. Because of this, I felt so secure in the relationship that I told anyone who cared to listen that I had finally found the perfect partner. 

Four years into the relationship, I woke up into a nightmare. My perfect man was out there entertaining another lady. I was shocked to the core of my being when I found out. Was this not the same man who said he didn’t know how to cheat? It was a painful discovery. 

I confronted him and he apologized immediately. Seeing as I didn’t see any sign that he had been intimate with her, I decided to forgive him when he promised not to do it again, although I was deeply hurt by his actions.

After that incident, I would sometimes recall the cheating episode and pass comments about it. Each time I did, he reassured me, “Babe, that was a stupid mistake I made. I promise it’s not happening again.” He willingly shared his phone’s password with me and encouraged me to check his messages any time I felt insecure.

Sometime in the fifth year of the relationship, he left his phone at home because it was faulty. I chose that time to go through the phone. Nothing in this world could have prepared me for the things I found. 

READ ALSO: I Allowed Him To Move In With Me Because Of An Evil Spirit

Fiifi was seeing other women. The last time was just one woman but this one was worse. There were more of them. He was even hiring the services of hook-up ladies. I found in the chats that he did it with two of these ladies on the same day. He visited the first one at her house and invited the second lady over. 

Uncovering this side of him has been a heavy blow for me. All I see is a man I don’t know at all. My heart aches when I think when I think of all the times I trusted him blindly. I keep wondering what motivated him to engage in those activities. It’s not as if our sex life is dull. We even go on trips with the purpose of reconnecting and rekindling the intimacy we shared.  

Marriage Turned Me Into Who I Was Not

Right now I don’t know what to do. He has become a big part of my daughter’s life. There is also the business we own together. My own heart too has come to love him so much. How am I going to cope without his presence?

He says he is sorry. He wants me to give him one last chance. “I swear I won’t do it again. You can make me sign a bond of good behaviour. State the clear repercussions should I do it again.” He sounds so sincere but I am convinced he will not change. I don’t trust him anymore. Will it be best if I cut my losses and move on? What about the bond of good behaviour he proposed? Is it something I should consider? 

— Debbie

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