This is my fourth relationship and I’m only twenty-four years old. All three guys left me because I was not ready to do anything with them. They wanted sex. I wanted to reserve sex for the one who would end up marrying me. They couldn’t wait. They left when I wanted them the most.

It’s not as if I didn’t give them anything. I met them halfway. Anything apart from shuperu. We could kiss, we could touch and I even bought them gifts for being there regardless of shuperu. In the end, they gave me some flimsy excuses just to run out of the relationships.

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Then I met Larbi five months ago. He ticks the boxes. He comes with grace the previous guys didn’t have. I told him the truth, “I’m a virgin. Take it slow with me. If you love me, we can wait till we get married.”

He agreed but just like I did with the previous guys, I allowed him to kiss and touch me. I loved him very much so I allowed him to touch the very deep and fluffy side of me. We were kissing when his hands found their way there. I didn’t resist. Something I was doing in the name of love.

A day later, this guy is not picking up my calls or answering my text messages. “Ah, what’s happening? Did I do anything wrong?”

So I recorded a long voice note pleading with him to tell me what I’d done. He sent one back. He was laughing. When the laughter subsided he said, “Herh you can lie oooo. Which virgin has this kind of hole under there? (I’m sorry but I have to say it the way he said it. I’m even embarrassed.) You can’t sell your black and white to me as a coloured TV wai. Take your third-hand virginity to whoever will buy it. I’m not that dumb.”

Eiii, this guy’s mouth is bitter ooo. He looked like a gentleman until he uttered those words and then blocked me on top. I’m hurt but beneath the hurt is a smoke of confusion. Does being a virgin means no hole? I have never done it in my life, not even a wet dream so how can he tell me that?

Or I’m lying to myself that I’m a virgin cos I don’t understand.   

—Akorfa  

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