Aba and I have been together for two years now. I have proposed marriage and she said yes. The day I proposed, I went down on one knee with a ring in hand, like they do it in the movies. I wanted her to know that I was serious.

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Everything is almost going well between us. Yes, almost. One issue I am struggling with is that we barely spend quality time together.

We work in the same company but in different departments, so we only get to see each other during lunch breaks or after work. We don’t live close to each other either. This means we can’t walk home together after work. We can only spend time together if she visits me at home. My problem is, she rarely visits me. And even when she does, intimacy becomes a problem. She refuses to go all the way with me.

Whenever I bring these concerns up, she tells me she’s not used to all that. “Be patient with me. I’m new to spending quality time with a man I am dating.”

Guys, it’s been two years yet she still claims it’s all new to her.

I can’t help wondering, how is it possible to be with someone for two whole years and still not be willing to compromise?

Recently, I brought the issue up again. Her indifference to the subject made me feel my concerns were not valid.

I told her my love languages are physical touch, attention, and quality time. Nothing huge. I’m not asking her to move in or come over every day. I just hoped she could visit maybe once or twice a week, or at least every weekend.

I made it clear that I’m very much into her. In fact, that’s one of the reasons she feels secure in the relationship — because I show her I love her. But her response shocked me. She said, “It’s not good for you to be too invested in me.”

So I asked her if I should tone it down, and she said yes.

This is someone who’s been cheated on in the past. She said it caused her a lot of pain. Because of that, I promised myself never to do anything to trigger those old wounds. So far, I believe I have been doing well. She has even told me a few times that she’s never experienced love like this before.

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If that’s the case then why won’t she consider my needs too?

She knows that I am totally okay with her paying me surprise visits. I want her to do anything that shows she’s thinking of me. But she remains cold and distant. So every now and then, I find myself feeling like I’m doing too much by loving her so strongly.

Would I be wrong to hold back and give her space?

I know everyone expresses love differently, but we also know how women behave when they’re deeply in love. They get quite clingy and possessive. So the fact that Aba is not all over me makes me believe she doesn’t love me.

—Peter

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