She has been a part of my life right from the moment I completed High School. Our relationship has always been that of friendship. When we got closer than normal, it was because we were best friends. Whenever I needed her, she showed up for me. I believe I also did my best as a friend to let her know that I got her back. If she needed someone to discuss her problems with, I was the one she came to.
We celebrated each other’s wins and encouraged ourselves when our plans did not come together. Through the course of our friendship, I dated another woman but it didn’t end on a happy note. She also had a boyfriend but they broke up along the way. We’ve each been single since our last relationship ended.
Two years ago, I found myself feeling things for her. These were feelings I didn’t intend to have. They just crept up on me one afternoon. All of a sudden my heart started racing at the thought of her. I would see her and feel like throwing myself into her arms. Yes, I had fallen in love with my best friend. I believe my feelings would have been easier for me to accept had I seen any indication that she felt the same way about me.
The way our friendship worked, it was impossible for me to keep my feelings to myself. So I decided to let her know about it. Of all the women I have attempted to love, she is the only one I truly love. I can give her the whole world without thinking about it. That is how strongly I feel about her.
When I finally professed my feelings to her, she told me, “Leo, I love you too. But how can we be together when I am not sexually attracted to you?” This was the same person who asked me one day, “Why did you have sexual conversations with your ex-girlfriend but you never did with me? Do you not think I have anything to say on the subject?” I had to apologize for not involving her in such conversations. Why would she want to have that kind of conversation with me if she was not attracted to me that way?
Her rejection broke me. I know she is not the sun but my life revolves around her. I have our whole future together mapped out. What am I supposed to do with all that? The other day she came to me and said, “I want us to try and see how things work out.” This filled me with hope like the way a balloon is filled with helium. I was sure we would be happy together.
I accepted her. I threw myself into the relationship. I did my best to show her how much I loved her. It wasn’t long before she came to tell me, “This was a bad idea. I am not feeling it. Let’s put an end to all of it.” I am a patient man. Although I was disappointed, I accepted her decision without getting upset.
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Another day, she came to me saying that we should try again. I got excited only for her to wake up the next day and change her mind. This is what is going on now. Today she would say she is ready for me. But the next day she would say we shouldn’t bother. The on-and-off is killing me. It’s put me on edge. How am I even sure that she won’t wake up tomorrow morning and decide our friendship is no longer working for her?
Despite our see-saw of a love life, I am the first person she runs to when she is facing a problem. I would hold her hand and give her counsel. When she needs comfort, I am the shoulder she leans on. When a man shows interest in her, I am the listening ear she confides in. So far she has turned down all the proposals from the other other men coming her way. She tells me her reasons for rejecting them, and I can confidently say that it has nothing to do with me.
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I feel like a plastic tree planted in her life. She treats me as if I am a prop or a side character in her story. Meanwhile, I want to be the man she loves. I want to be the person who stands by her while she chases her dreams through life. Yet here I am, only the man she wants as a friend. How long can I keep listening to her talk about other men? What if she starts going on dates? What if she ends up choosing someone? Am I supposed to be a good friend and be happy for her? This whole situation is paining me.
I am holding out hope that she will soon come to accept me but I could be leading myself on falsely. A part of me wants to move on from this situation. It’s just so difficult. What do I do? Should I linger around and hope she comes around eventually?
—Leo
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Move on my dear, it’s so obvious she doesn’t know what she wants. And so so pathetic that she will only come the the realisation that it’s you she truly loves all along just when it’s too late. I’m saying this from experience. I’ve been in love with a man for 10 years now (14th of February this year is the 10th year) and I still am. I’ve been waiting and hoping all these years that he will love me as much as I love him and choose me but no, he only wants friendship but with benefits. I can’t say he doesn’t love me because of the benefits he’s asking for because this guy is a good man who always wants the best for me and pushes me to be a better person but he’s just indecisive. He’s present today, absent tomorrow, on and off saaaa. Currently we are not in talking terms for days now, I can’t tell if that’s the end of it but I’m still here hoping to see his call. I’ve just decided to end my feelings for him and accept nothing but just friendship buy it’s not easy for me to act like a common friend when I have so much feelings for him. Right now I’m typing this with a very heart , I love this man so much but he’s indecisiveness about me is really hurting me but what can I do than sit in my closet, cry my eyes out till I can cry no more then wipe my face and come out acting like all is well. It really hurts when you love someone and they just play with your emotions. I’m letting go this year because I deserve better, you too can do it. You deserve better than being the last option for some person who doesn’t even realise what she has.
Leo she loves you in a friendly way. You can have sexual attractions towards someone and not love the person. Vice versa. Just be her friend. Her not loving you the way you want doesn’t mean your friendship should be ruined. Two don’t allow her to treat you that way. Let her know that she can’t play with your emotions like that. Move on. Am not saying rush into any kind of relationship. Give yourself time to heal and organise your mind.
You are suffering from something called “ONEITIS” whereby you think she is your only one, that she is a soulmate, or that you cannot get another women like her. This disease is very dangerous to a man. Please, going forward, know that there are plenty of women out there who can be the ‘ONE’ in a better way than the current one. If one woman leaves you, go out there and get another one who can be your ”ONE”. There are many “ONE’S” out there.