I own a provision shop around Achimota. As a shop owner, I try to create a friendly rapport with my customers. So I welcome them with a big smile, speak to them politely even when they are being rude, and thank them after the transaction is over. Occasionally, some of them try to engage me on a personal level and it doesn’t bother me. I talk to them and even build some form of friendship with them. Because of this, someone could leave their house to buy something from my shop, just so they could have a conversation about something bothering them. And I allow it, as long as it doesn’t interfere with my sales. 

It was through this business friendship that I got close to a customer named Salim. We went as far as exchanging contact information. We texted and talked on the phone mostly. Occasionally, he would stop by my shop to talk to me. I enjoyed Salim’s company and attention very much. He had this way of making me feel special. I couldn’t help but fall in love with him. I was single, and he had given me the impression that he was also single. After a while, I noticed he had fallen in love with me too. His occasional visits to my shop became daily visits. Every day, after he closed from work, he passed by and sat with me for a while before going home. Seeing him in the evening was the highlight of each passing day.  

We continued tiptoeing around our feelings for each other until one day he confessed, “I am in love with you, and I know you are in love with me too. I don’t understand why we are both avoiding it as if it’s not there. Since I’m the man, I will propose. Will you be my girlfriend?” I remember laughing at him and saying, “You don’t have to be dramatic about it. Yes, I will be your girlfriend.” That day I thought deeply about the fact that I had just agreed to date a Muslim, although I am a Christian. The more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself, “It’s just a relationship, not a marriage proposal. I will enjoy the love I have for him now and figure out the rest as we go along.”

He continued visiting me every day after work and came to my house sometimes. Everything was progressing beautifully. Then one day he told me, “I know you are very busy with the shop, but you should find time and come and know my place one of these days.” I agreed and pushed around my schedule until I found a favourable time to visit him. The very first day I entered his house, something felt off. I started looking around searching for signs that something wasn’t right. That was when I noticed little things that indicated that he was not living alone. I didn’t want to ask any questions and risk him lying to me, so I kept quiet and observed the environment. When he left me to go and buy something, I took the opportunity and searched the place. 

By the time he returned, I found a lady’s clothes in a suitcase. He came to meet me looking at them. I didn’t even have to ask any questions before he said, “I can explain.” I gave him a look that said, “Explain, I’m listening.” “The items belong to my wife,” he said. “I met you and you were so amazing and I just wanted to get to know you. If I had told you that I was married, you wouldn’t have allowed me into your life like this. I am sorry that I lied to you but my wife and I are having issues so she left. Even if she comes back it won’t change anything for us. I’m a Muslim, I can marry more than one wife.” I was shocked and confused at what he said. It was a lot of information to process so I went home. He kept texting me, “I am sorry you found out like this.” I was very much in love with him so I found it difficult to cut him off. 

We kept talking and each time we did, he apologized for lying to me. Later he told me, “My wife says she is coming back home in a few days. Just as I told you, it wouldn’t change anything between us. It’s just that I would be the one calling and texting you going forward.” I was fine with the arrangement so I didn’t complain. He visited me at home whenever we wanted to do shuperu. The entire time I was with him, I felt uncertain about my place in his life. But one day he surprised me. He asked me to marry him. I love him but I was confused so I told him to give me time to think about it. 

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Later, I met a guy named Jerry. He was a cool person and I liked him. We became friends and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I wanted to do away with Salim so I said yes to him. Jerry is a busy guy but he makes time for me. As our relationship progressed, I could tell that he was madly in love with me. This made me end my affair with Salim. However, Jerry travelled one day and I fell back into Salim’s arms. He was already lurking in the shadows and I just couldn’t resist him anymore. When Jerry returned from his trip he said, “When are you taking me to meet your family? I want us to start preparations for marriage.” This should have made me happy but it’s left me confused. I love him but I also love Salim. Both of them satisfy my needs in different ways so it’s hard for me to choose between them.

While Jerry is single and a Christian like me, Salim is married and a Muslim. Jerry is not a fan of shuperu but I am a very sexually active person. Sometimes I have to beg him before he would touch me. Salim on the other hand is good in bed. And he is always ready to give me what I want and how I want it. He is also asking to meet my family so that he can start preparations to marry me. Although I love both of them, I don’t know which one I would rather spend the rest of my life with. It’s either I agree to be one person’s second wife, or I marry the other one who wouldn’t satisfy me in bed. This is very confusing to me. Please what do I do?

—Jackie

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