How I found out he's gay

I’ve been in philanthropic works for the past fifteen years and it was through my line of work that I came into contact with my husband. He donates extensively to NGOs, orphanages, individual projects and also donates a huge chunk of money into research projects.

He’s a wealthy man. He owns one of the biggest local enterprises in Ghana. His dad started the business and built it into a great business. As the only son of his parent, he became the automatic heir to the wealth of his parent. His father made him the deputy director of the company when he was just but a fresh graduate from the university. After eight years of understudying the father, his father resigned from his position and made him the CEO of the company.

Work brought us together. It was in early May of 2009. I had signed up to become a volunteer for an organization whose goal was to help children suffering from diseases that are expensive to cure. What we did was to meet the parents of these suffering kids and arrange with organizations and individuals who are in the position to provide assistance to help cure the sickness of the children. I’ve always loved children.

Then he came along. I was in charge of negotiations that sought to bring him on board as the patron of our organization. He fell in love with the vision of our organization and after a month of negotiations, he signed to become the patron. we worked together on various projects. He was always there. He wanted to ensure his money and resources were being used for the purpose it was requested for. I was always on phone with him or traveling to places where our beneficiaries were.

Over the months of working together, we became entangled at emotional levels. I turned down his proposals several times. I thought it was against the etiquette of the job but he was relentless. Finally he convinced me that what he had for me wasn’t just a fling but a real thing. I accepted his proposal and later resigned from my work.

We dated for over a year. Through it all, he gave me nothing but pure dedication and commitment to the relationship. He could do nothing wrong. He was humble and loved to see me smile each day. So when one day he suggested we got married, I didn’t hesitate. We had a wedding and I moved in with him.

He had tough business schedules but he had time for me. Whenever he was home, he wouldn’t pick any business calls unless it’s urgent. He would usually pick calls from Mathew. Mathew, he told me, was his best friend since childhood. They attended the same schools up to the university. He was the best man for our wedding. I knew Mathew very well too because he came home very often and he was almost the right-hand man of my husband. Everything was working for our good in our marriage and I had nothing to complain about.

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I had returned from a three day trip to my parent one evening and before I could put my bags down, the security man came to tell me he would like to have a discussion with me. We sat in the hall and the first question he asked was; “how well do you know the relationship between Mathew and your husband?”

I was baffled. I didn’t know how to answer him. I thought he had no right to know the answer but then again, I wondered why he could even ask such question in the first place. My curiosity was triggered so I said, “both have been childhood friends and do a lot of business together now. Have you forgotten Mathew was the best man for our wedding?”

He gave me a blank stare. As if he was satisfied with the answer I gave him. I was expecting him to say something but he only stared at me sternly without blinking. This security man had been working with my husband’s family for close to ten years. He’s quite an intelligent man.

I asked him, “Is there anything you would like me to know?” He dropped his gaze down to the carpet and said in a low voice, “What’s between your husband and Mathew isn’t just business or friendship. There’s more you don’t know because you are not watching closely enough.”

My heart skipped a beat. My mind started traveling far and wide. “Wait, you are not telling me my husband and Mathew are….” before I could complete my statement, he snapped, “That’s exactly what I’m saying. I’m the security here. What that means is that I watch everything closely that’s how come I’ve been able to work here this long. I’m not asking you to believe me. I’m asking you to watch closely with investigative eyes. You’ll know what I know.”

When he left, I nearly broke down. I started casting my mind back to certain events I’d let go because I didn’t see the need to give it a second thought. It all started making sense to me. I was worried. I was actually devastated and felt let down. You remember about four paragraphs ago, I said: “Everything was working for our good in our marriage and I had nothing to complain about?” Well, that was a lie!

Sex had been very poor between us. I almost had to beg for sex in certain instances. The excuses had always been; “You know I’ve been going up and down and I’m very tired. Let’s do it when I’m well rested.” At a certain point I thought if I keep pestering him for sex, he would label me as sex maniac so I stopped asking. Once in a long while, he would come and lie on top of me and do it very quickly and lousily as if he was being forced to do it. I got used to getting it that way. I even considered it a blessing whenever I got it.

When he came home that night, I had a different eye on him. I started monitoring how he spoke with Mathew and how he usually walked out to continue a call he’d received in front of me. I started monitoring how his smell changes in between trips and his demeanor before and after talking on the phone with Mathew. It was a full-time course for me to find out who my husband truly is.

And I did find out…

But it wasn’t easy. My husband is a calculative person and does things with great care and with attention to details. He’s a master of covering his tracks just as he’s creating it. One night, I went through his bag and found a tube of lubricant. It hasn’t been used. I always went back to the bag and checked if it had been used so I make a case out of it but it was always the same. I monitored the tube for one whole month and it remained always the same. One night, he came up to me for sex and he had the tube in his hands and he said; “I learned it makes sex better. Let’s try it today.” I took the tube and inspected it carefully. It was still brand new.

“Am I going crazy?” I asked myself often but I didn’t give up looking for trails.

One morning, a friend called me from Takoradi to tell me that she was at a program with my husband. My husband told me he was traveling to Kumasi for a three-day business conference. He wasn’t going with Mathew so I was calm about it. Hearing that he was in Takoradi was news to me. I called a friend of Mathew’s to inquire about Mathew’s whereabouts and he told me Mathew had traveled. I immediately knew what was going on.

By 5:30 pm I was in Takoradi. My friend had sent me a message earlier telling me he was going to lodge at the family residence in Takoradi.  At around11 pm, I went to the residence. The security man on duty was shocked to see me. He was puzzled and immediately lost his composure. I walked with him to the door and asked him to knock and tell my husband someone at the gate wanted to see him.

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He was very angry when the security said that. “You woke me up this late to tell me someone wants to see me? Are you alright?

He came out of the bedroom, opened the door to insult the security more. I pushed him off the way and headed straight to the bedroom. He kept screaming my name but I wasn’t looking back. I entered and there he was, sprawling across the bed naked and trying to cover his face with the pillows.

“So it was true?” I kept asking myself over and over again. That day, my whole world came down.

He cried. I cried. He begged for a second chance. He promised to seek help. I walked out and never looked back. “For better for worse” but this worse is too much to handle.

A story told by C. Sekyi. Ms. Sekyi lives in Accra and spends her time doing philanthropic works. She loves motivating people through her stories.

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