I came across a post some time ago. It was about a woman who said, being a good girl doesn’t pay. As much as I don’t want to admit it, the story resonated with me. When I look at my own experiences in this dating world, I worry that she might be right.

Growing up, I was always a good girl. I never went where I was not supposed to go. When boys approached me, I kept them at bay with the words, “I am too young for relationships.” I played by the books. I was the kind of girl who parents pointed to as they asked their daughters, “Why can’t you be like Yemi? She is such a good girl.”

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I grew into a prim and proper woman; hardworking, intelligent, well-behaved, and with a good sense of humour. People around me tell me I am a wife material. Men and women alike.

However, I have never truly enjoyed any relationship since I started dating. Don’t get me wrong, I am not here to paint myself as perfect. But I know I’m far from bad.

I was careful when I was growing up because I didn’t want to ruin my life. They told me, “If you are a good girl, God will bring you a good man to marry you.” I believed them but when I look at my circumstances now I ask myself, “Where did all that caution get me?”

Since 2014, every guy I’ve dated has been broke. I am not even using the word loosely. They were all broke in every sense of the word. Or maybe I should just call them poor.

At first, it didn’t bother me. I believed in them, so I always prayed for them. If they needed my support in any way, I was eager to help.

At the time, I was still under my parents’ care. Which means money wasn’t a problem for me. And I didn’t find it alarming that they didn’t have it. If anything, I took on responsibilities in the relationship without complaints. All the things women expect their men to do for them financially, I did it for these men.

While I was doing all this, my friends were getting married to men of their dreams. These friends of mine are the kind society labeled as “wild” or social deviants just because they chose to carve their own path. Imagine the irony, that the supposedly bad girls are in happy marriages while I, who has done nothing but obey all the rules keep moving from one broke guy to another.

Before anyone assumes I attract these men because I look broke, no, I don’t. I am beautiful, classy, and sophisticated. But for some reason, the men who approach me are always struggling financially.

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Regardless, I don’t write them off. I see their potential and try to help them. I encourage them, pray for them, and advise them on how to build a better life. But somehow, the relationships never last. The interesting thing is, that I never leave them because of money. Something else happens to break us up.

After taking several breaks from relationships, I finally decided to give love another chance. But guess what? My new partner is even worse. He is so broke that I’m the one feeding him. He has a job, but his salary is barely enough to sustain him. He keeps insisting that he’s not stingy, but I can’t help wondering—when will I get to experience being pampered by a man?

It’s Not God’s Law For A Man To Apologize To A Woman

My friends, the same ones people judged for their lifestyle, are living comfortably with wealthy and caring partners. Meanwhile, I, the so-called good girl, keep ending up with good men who just happen to be broke.

So I ask again, does being a good girl mean you will get a good man who will take good care of you? Honestly, right now I’m tired of taking care of the men in my life.

—Maa Abena

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