We dated for three years before Sammy got the opportunity to travel outside. He cheated twice and twice I caught him. The last one took a huge toll on me so I nearly broke up with him. He came with his best friends to beg me not to do it. Even when I asked them to give me time to think about it, they called me every day asking for a third chance. I loved him. I’d dated him for over two years and during those two years, a lot of things went right so I considered those things and agreed to be with him. A couple of months later, he travelled abroad. 

Before leaving, I had concerns. “Sammy, even when you were right under my nose, see what you did to me. How can I trust you now that you’re travelling? Are you sure you’re not going to get another woman and send me a message to find a new man because you’ve moved on?” He laughed at me. He told me, “So you believe I don’t learn, right? The little you’ve shown me is enough for me to believe I’ll lose you if I mess up again. You’re the woman I love and I’ll come back in one piece to marry you. Believe me.”

Well, I didn’t believe him but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He got there and he called every day. A month later, communication ceased. At some point it picked up again and then later, the communication lines flattened. We talked about it. He gave me excuses. “It’s work. The time difference doesn’t help. I close late and knackered. Believe me, I haven’t found any woman.” 

We’ll resolve the issues today and things will be normal. A few weeks later, it will fall back to default. I felt he was lying to me so I started looking out for myself. I found Kwabena. His father was a pastor and the kind of love he showed me was intense. Slowly I was forgetting about Sammy. When he didn’t call, I didn’t complain. When I sent him a text and it took days for him to respond, I kept living my life as if he didn’t matter. Kwabena was filling the empty spaces so well that I started thinking of breaking up with Sammy. Just when I concluded in my heart that I was the main item on Kwabena’s table, I found out he had a serious girlfriend that they were even planning to get married. When he realized I knew about his plans, he begged me not to leave him and that I was the woman he truly loved. 

I walked out of the relationship and fell back on my old love Sammy. Even when he treated me like I didn’t matter, I bore it all knowing what I had also done behind him. My patience paid off. Well, for a while. Sammy came to the frame fully and dedicated the time of his days to me. I was happy and I told him. In fact, I begged him not to change, “This is the best part of you I’ve experienced since you travelled. Please don’t change. I’m enjoying the video calls. I’m enjoying the naughty conversations. I’m enjoying the fact that you make me part and parcel of your plans.” He promised it was going to continue but along the line, he changed again. 

All these coming and going got me emotionally drained so when Arthur came along, I said yes to him, hoping that he’ll be the guy to finally stick to me like a leech. Arthur was a gentleman to the core. He was a diplomat who loved travelling to new countries every month. He was filling the vacuum nicely by taking me to new places every day. He introduced me to his clique and they all loved me. Because of him, I learned how to drink exotic wines. I was doing everything to fit into his definition of a good woman but a man like Arthur didn’t know what he wanted in life. He wanted a dark woman today but tomorrow would fall for a light-skinned lady. He had many women like I had many panties. One day, he told me I was lucky to have him by his side. “Do you know how many women will die to be where you are right now?” 

I said, “Boiɛ, nowhere cool ampa. I walked out of the relationship with him and never looked back. He came back with an apology and empty promises but I never fell back into his arms. I hadn’t spoken to Sammy for more than a month so I considered that relationship dead. I decided to regroup and find myself first before I go out again looking for someone else. Sammy resurrected from the blues and we decided to give it another shot. His going and coming didn’t bother me a lot because I knew what I was also doing. I was only looking for a stable man so I could call him and tell him it was over. Two years later, I’d dated three silly men who didn’t know what it took to love a woman. 

READ ALSO: This Drama Is Sponsored By My Ex, My Parents And The Man I Kissed When Pregnant

When Sammy resurrected, I told him we had only one more chance. “When we fail this time, there won’t be another chance for us again. I will move on and you’ll move on too. There would be no coming back for us.” He agreed with me and promised to be better. Honestly, he removed every doubt I had about him when he started calling me two times a day and rounding it up with late-night video calls. I was back in love with him again because he never slowed down. But Kay walked into the frame and stole my heart away. I loved him and I loved Sammy too. I don’t know how to make it make sense but that was my situation. I was enjoying both men until November when Sammy told me he was coming back to Ghana for Christmas. 

I questioned, “Are you serious? Why didn’t you tell me all this while? You’re joking right?” He sent me a screenshot of his tickets and the date on them. I should have been happy but my sins won’t let me. When he told me he was coming to do the knocking rite, I should have been happier but my sins kept ringing in my ears. I decided to act fast. I called Kay and told him I couldn’t continue with the relationship again. He asked why and I told him I needed space to think my life over. When he pressed me to change my mind I said, “I want to be married early next year. Can you assure me that it’s possible?” The mention of marriage did the trick. He stopped contacting me but every now and then he’ll pop up asking for breakup sex. 

The last time I was talking to Sammy, he said something like, “Before I’ll go ahead and do anything, I’ll do a test on you and see if your vajayjay (Let’s call it cookie instead. Just to swerve the algorithms) hadn’t been used since I left. If the test proves that it hadn’t been used, I’ll go ahead and trigger the marriage process.” I thought he was joking and I believed there was nothing of that sort to do the checks but I asked him, “It means you don’t trust me?” He answered, “I trust you a lot but I need to confirm my trust in you.” I asked him, “So how are you going to do that?” He asked me, “If you’ve done it with someone else, just confess so I don’t waste money on the test.” I told him, “You don’t have to waste your money because I haven’t done it. You’ll check and see nothing and that will also be a waste of money.” He told me, “Well, let’s wait and see.” 

Can Two People With Different Faiths Succeed In Marriage?–Beads Media

I’ve discussed it with my friends. They all say it’s a trick and there’s nothing of that sort. At best he would speculate but there’s nothing to check the last time the cookie was used. I want to believe them because I believe same. The conversations I’ve had with guys differ. Some say it’s possible to know even without using any special tools. You only have to check the warmth level of the cookie. If it’s overheating then it means it had been driven not too long ago. Some guys also say it’s not possible because ‘joysticks’ don’t leave footprints in the cookie no matter how big they are. 

I need a concrete answer before I embarrass myself. When push comes to shove, I’ll tell him I’ve been driven before but that was long ago. I just want to know if there’s a tool that can accurately detect how busy a woman’s cookie had been or if a man can accurately detect it through intimacy. 

–Lipsy

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

*****