I was in SHS when he proposed to me. He taught me in JHS. Back then I suspected his affection for me but he didn’t do anything to consolidate it. I was the girl he sent to get him food. I was the girl he sent to carry his books. I was the one he treated with a soft glove when I went wrong. He wasn’t a qualified teacher. He had completed SHS and was doing the teaching job to while away time as he awaits his results.

On my birthday he brought me a gift. I sent the gift home and my mother asked me, “Who gave you this huge gift?” I answered, “My maths teacher. Sir Ernest.” My mom was so grateful on my behalf that she came to the school the following day to thank Sir Ernest. “You’ve given her the biggest birthday gift yet. We are grateful.

He spent three years in the school and gave me a huge birthday gift in all of those years. My mom came to like him. She asked of him each day when I closed from school. On Saturdays, I could go to his house and visit him and my mom wouldn’t say anything. All that while I was expecting him to say something to me but he didn’t. I was only fourteen years then.

When I went to SHS he was in the university. He came to visit me and brought a lot of groceries and gave me money. That very day I called my mom. I said, “Guess who came to visit me today.” I didn’t finish my statement when my mother said, “Sir Ernest?” I asked, “How did you know?” She answered, “It was the only answer that came to mind.  This teacher has to marry you by all means looking at the way he likes you.”

Right there, my mom said what I’d been thinking all along. It gave me the confidence to pursue and open up to him. He came to my school often, I remember. But it was when I was in the second year that he proposed to me. I said yes. “I’ve loved you for a very long time and I’m happy you’ve finally said it.”

On weekends I will sign an exeat and run to him. Sometimes I spent the weekend with him and sometimes I spent just a day. He didn’t touch me. He treated me like a sacred garden. He needed special grace to tread on the grounds of such a garden. I was with him until I wrote my final exams. I thought something will happen.  Actually, I asked for it. I said, “I’m a graduate now. I’m old enough. All my friends did it long before they completed school. Why are you not doing anything to me?” He said, “I’m scared I will hurt you. You haven’t done it before and that makes it difficult.”

I got admission and entered nursing school. He was still with me. He came to visit one day and he looked at me like he had never done before. He said, “You’re now a woman. See how you’ve come to resemble your mother.” I responded, “I’ve been a woman since but you’ve refused to see it. That day he got a hotel closer to our school. We spent the day there and that was when he broke me. It was difficult. He wanted to stop but I urged him on. He did it and it was successful. He asked me, “How do you feel now?” I answered, “A woman.”

He came by often. He brought gifts and brought me money. I told my mom each time he visited. My mom took his number from me and called him often to say thank you. One day my mom asked me, “Be honest, hasn’t he proposed to you yet?” I answered, “He has.” She asked, “So what did you tell him?” I answered, “I told him I’m thinking about it.” My mom screamed, “Fool. You’re thinking about what again? Don’t be silly. Tell him you like him too.” I said in my head, “We’ve even eaten the meat and you’re there crying over the bones. Don’t worry, I’ve handled him.”

I was in my second year in nursing school when Sir Ernest got married.

I got shattered. I cried for weeks. I couldn’t see how I was going to live without him. I called his phone several times and he didn’t pick up. In tears, I called my mom and told her what had happened. He screamed, “OOOh! How can he do this to us? Nooo, he didn’t try at all.” I wasn’t with her but I know my mom. She probably cried too. I heard from him three months later when the pain has subsided.

My question was still the same, “Why did you do that?” He said he was sorry; “I was ready for marriage but I didn’t think you would be ready very soon. Please forgive me. I’m really sorry. I know I’ve hurt you but please forgive me.” My mom too called him and he said the same thing. He said, “It doesn’t mean I’m leaving her behind. Whatever she needs, she can tell me. I will be there for her.”

So, we kept the conversation open and alive between us. He came to see me in school and we went to that same hotel where he broke me. It happened again. I remember telling him, “I trusted you were going to be the only man I would ever know but look at us.” He apologized but we kept dating. That one, my mom wasn’t aware.

Immediately after nursing school, I got married to Daniel, a man I met during rotation. I married him to fill the hole Ernest left within me. I wanted to get rid of Ernest because I knew what I was doing with him was wrong. He also didn’t know about my marriage until I sent him my wedding pictures. He said, “Tit-for-tat right?” I answered, “I just had to do it.” He said, “That means the end of the road for us, right? I answered, “It might be.”

We never spoke again though we had each other’s contact.

A year after marriage my husband lost his job. I was pregnant when that issue came. We were hoping things will change soon for him to land another job. I gave birth, celebrated the girl’s third birthday but my husband was still unemployed. I saw his efforts so I didn’t blame him. I got pregnant again. I was two months pregnant when he got a job outside town. I remember the happiness we felt. He left and came to visit us only on weekends. I gave birth to a boy. Before the boy would celebrate his first birthday, my husband was laid off.

He came back home and started looking for another opportunity. My boy was two years old when I got pregnant again. I remember telling him, “Pregnancy usually brings you luck. Let’s hope this one does the same thing for you.” I gave birth to a boy and he was still in the house without a job. I was suffering. Everything was on me, rent, food, school fees, utilities. Just name them and I was paying them with my meager nursing salary. My third child was one year old when he told me, “It looks like I’ve become a burden on you. I will go home and live with my parents and continue looking for a job. That would lessen the burden for you.”

I’ve been living alone since but the suffering hasn’t stopped. I’ve tried looking for other opportunities but because of the kids, I can’t do so much. They always come between me and what I can do.

One day I looked into the mirror and said, “I’m still beautiful. If I give myself away to men, I can get money from them.” In the ward, many men had come my way but immediately I saw their intention, I wrote them off but this time, I was ready to engage them. I started dressing to kill. I wore my makeup again. My uniform was remodeled to call for attention. I started drawing eyes but you know what, each time I got closer, my conscience would bite me and I would stop. I’ve gone as close as being in someone else’s bed but fear gripped me so I got up and run away.

Sir Ernest is doing very well in life. I see him on my status often, traveling places with his beautiful family. He’s that guy who will post everything on his status, food, places, hotels, nice outdoor events, and more. One day I told myself, “I’ve done it with him before so it would be easier. Why don’t I call him?” I left him a WhatsApp message instead, “Ernest, please call me, I need someone to talk to.” He called and the first thing I said was, “Don’t you need a born-three side chick?” He burst out laughing.  I said, “I’m serious stop that.” He said, “You’re still the same girl I once knew. I may have a need for you. But tell me what the problem is.”

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I told him everything and ended with, “It’s all your fault. I’m the one you should have married but see what you did to me.” He asked me, “How much is your salary?” I answered, “GHC1,400” He screamed, “Really? How do you do it? Three kids living on this salary? Ok no problem, every month I will pay you GHC2,000 but you’ll have to remind me else I will forget.” I said, “Thank you so much but what do I have to give to get that every month?” He said, “Aren’t you my girl? You don’t have to worry.”

For the past six months, he sends me the money without fail. I haven’t even seen him.

My husband came home recently and read our messages. He’s angry. He’s accusing me of sleeping around just because he doesn’t have a job. He has told everyone who will listen that I’m selling my body for a song all because he’s unemployed. He has told his family. He called my parents to complain about it. My mom already knows the story so she didn’t say anything. My dad asked him, “So what do you want her to do now?” He responded, “She should stop collecting that amount from that man. She should send him the message in my presence and stop everything. She’s an embarrassment to the marriage institution.”

My dad asked me, “Are you going to do that?” I answered, “No, I won’t until he gets a job and takes his rightful place as the man of the house.” Currently, he’s back living with me. He has ceased my phone. He said I should open it for him to talk to Ernest before he can be free. I told him, “Never on this planet earth would I do that, unless you kill me. You either believe me or you get a job.”

I want to know, am I doing the wrong thing here? Yes, my intention of reaching out to Ernest was bad, I agree but it ended up yielding a positive result. Should I let all that go? Please help me.

—Ohenewaa

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Photo:African couple photo created by benzoix – www.freepik.com