It’s difficult for me to write this but I believe I have to do it in order to ease the burden of the guilt that weighs me down every day. I have read a lot of interesting and heartbreaking stories right here on this page. And I just want to indicate that my story is more of a confession. I have done things that I am not proud of. I hope you don’t judge me too much.

What I did as my national service was to direct traffic. It was not an easy job, but occasionally there were some perks. One of the perks had to do with the beautiful view that blessed my eyes on the streets. It was on one of such blessed days that I saw a woman with a beautiful backside. I couldn’t see her face but her curves were enough to lure me from my post. Before I realized it, I was following her to God knows where. Thankfully, I came to my senses quickly and tapped her on the shoulder. If I thought her back was beautiful, her face almost knocked the breath out of my lungs. She was breathtakingly gorgeous.

I was so startled by her beauty that I started to stutter, “He… he… he… hello.” I never stutter. When I regained my composure I said, “Hello Gorgeous, you can see from the clothes I’m wearing that I should be in the middle of the road directing traffic, but I’m following you now because my parents told me to always follow my dreams. Kindly give me your number. I won’t disturb you too much.” She smiled sheepishly and gave me her number and told me, “My name is Anita.”

Anita and I talked almost every day. When we weren’t speaking on the phone we were texting. We were crazy about each other. The connection we had made it such that within less than a month of our meeting, we were having passionate sex every day. We both closed early from work and didn’t live far from each other so she always came to my place for us to do it. I was happy with the way things were progressing between us.

However, one day I called her and she didn’t answer. I left her several texts but no response. The day after that, I called her again but there was still no response. That was when I realized that I did not know her house or anyone in her life. She was the one who always came to me, so I had no other means of reaching her. I called her repeatedly for weeks but I always got no response. I became concerned and worried that something might have happened to her but at the end of the day, there wasn’t much I could do. So after a few months, I moved on.

A few weeks after I decided to move on, I met Adwoa on one of the social media platforms. We talked for a while, met, and things started on a steamy note. We were also having shuperu anywhere and everywhere. When she returned to school, she told me her roommates hardly stayed on campus during weekends, so I should come for a visit. So I chose one weekend and set off from Kumasi on a Friday afternoon and arrived in Accra in the evening. The entire weekend was mind-blowing. We had shuperu almost every two hours of the forty-eight hours I spent there. We also had deep conversations. A couple of weeks after I left her place, she called to tell me that she hadn’t seen her period.

I was gripped with fear. That was the first time a girl had told me she is pregnant for me. I was nowhere near ready to be a father, and she was still in school. We also didn’t want her to get into trouble with her aunt who was taking care of her. Our only option was to get rid of it. The week we got rid of it was the same week Anita reached out to me. After four months, she finally decided to talk to me again. “I am sorry for the silence,” she said, “I was pregnant with your child and didn’t know how to tell you. That’s why I ghosted you.” I didn’t know I was so fertile until that moment.

She went on to tell me that her friend prepared a concoction for her to get rid of the pregnancy. When she took it she almost died and developed some complications after that. I gave her money to go to the hospital and constantly checked on her till I was sure that she was healthy again. When she got better, we officially ended our already-dead relationship.

After that experience with Anita, I sat down to reflect on my life. I had made a promise to myself when I was a child that I would never let a woman get rid of a pregnancy for me. So the realization that two women had done it all because of me really broke me. I felt dejected. This should have made me sit up and do better choices, right? Well, it didn’t.

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I was still with Adwoa when I cheated on her with a lady I met through a friend. Her name is Mary. Mary and I spoke on the phone for a week and then decided to meet. The very day we met we had shuperu. It didn’t end there. We continued doing it until almost three months later, she got pregnant. She said it was mine. Once again, I was not ready for parenthood. So I persuaded her to get rid of it. Shortly after we got it done, my girlfriend Adwoa also got pregnant for me again.

A part of me wanted her to keep it but another part said “No, we are not ready.” The latter part defeated the former. We tried to get rid of it but it failed. There were complications, and she almost lost her life. They had to quickly operate on her to save her life. Thankfully, everything worked out well and she is healthy now. After her near-death experience, our relationship became on and off until we broke up in early 2019.

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Three months after the breakup, I went to visit a friend of mine in the Western North region. There I met a lady called Janet. We talked and had an incredible connection. The next week, we arranged for her to visit me in Kumasi. This time around I was scared to get carried away so we did it only once. I even wore a condom. Two weeks after her visit, this lady called and told me, “I missed my period. You are the only person I have been with within this period.” I was shocked. The only thing I could do was ask her to get rid of it.

I’ve aborted five pregnancies in a span of four years. I have also slept with many ladies, and broken the hearts of a number of them. I feel horrible for what happened. I was stupid and naïve. I didn’t know any better. I am always asking God for forgiveness. I have resolved not to do anything to put myself in those situations anymore. But I still feel guilty every day. So I am sharing this story as a confession and an open apology to all the women I hurt. I am truly sorry for everything I put you through. Please forgive me.

–Kay

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