He lives in Switzerland but comes home very often. I met him through a friend, and he proposed to me. I met him in December, but by the time he was leaving in January, he had tried to be intimate with me three times. I declined and told him that I would only do it after marriage.

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When he left the country, we stayed in touch. We were on the phone more often than not. During that time, I got to know his roommate, Mathew, who is also a Ghanaian. From the start, Mathew told me that my boyfriend loved me very much and that I shouldn’t disappoint him. I got Mathew’s number, and we talked whenever we felt like it. He’s a good person.

When my boyfriend was about to come to Ghana again, Mathew called me. He said, “My man says you don’t want to let him be intimate with you until marriage.” I sighed in agreement. He continued, “You don’t have to treat him like that. I know him. He’s not the type to do it with you and leave you. He’s honest. It’s always women who take him for granted.”

I didn’t argue. I listened to everything he had to say, and he concluded, “Since he’s coming to Ghana, I hope you’ll give him the chance to feel your body.” I laughed it off. When my boyfriend came to Ghana, he tried again the very first night we met. I said no and maintained my stance of waiting until after marriage.

He accused me of lying to Mathew, claiming I had promised Mathew I would agree to intimacy. He called Mathew and put him on the phone. He said, “Bro, your sister is still not allowing me. I’m tired.”

Mathew talked and talked, but my mind was made up. I needed security and wanted things to happen the right way. It wasn’t even about the intimacy. Sometimes I wanted it too, but this time, I wanted to do things right. Even if it didn’t work out, I could at least say I tried.

He spent a month in Ghana. We met every day, but I didn’t allow him to be intimate with me. Sometimes he was patient, but other times he tried to force his way. I’m tough, I fought my way out of his grip. When he went back, he told me he would marry me the next time he came to Ghana. He planned to stay in Switzerland for a year and then return to marry me.

He asked me to get the dowry list from my parents and send it to him. He had a video call with my dad, who told him the list wasn’t fixed and that he could negotiate if he thought it was too much. He said it was okay and that he would start buying the items as soon as possible.

We talked about the wedding every day. One day, he suggested we drop the white wedding and do the traditional one first, followed by the white wedding a year later. I didn’t want that, but I agreed.

When he came to Ghana with all the items on the list, he told me he wanted to perform the knocking rite and then return to Switzerland, planning to do the traditional and white weddings together later. I disagreed, but he gave me reasons, and though it didn’t sit well with me, I eventually agreed.

He performed the knocking rite on Friday. On Saturday, he asked me to stay with him until he left the country, as he had only two weeks left. I didn’t refuse. I packed a few things and went to his place. He started asking for sex, claiming he had “paid the price” and deserved the “cake.” I said, “That wasn’t marriage. That was the first step. Until the final step is taken, we can’t do it.”

The next day, he kicked me out. I didn’t hear from him again, though I tried, until he left the country. Mathew called and blamed me for frustrating his friend, saying that because of my actions, his friend was reconsidering the marriage. I begged Mathew to let me talk to him, and he did. My boyfriend said, “I’m beginning to have doubts about you. What are you hiding?”

According to him, I’m keeping a secret that I’ll only reveal after marriage. To prove I had nothing to hide, I sent him nude photos from every angle. Now he’s telling me, “If I don’t get what I want the next time I come, there will be no marriage.”

I’m asking: Should I let this relationship go? He’s too desperate for my liking, and it feels like there’s a fishy agenda. But I can also understand his perspective because sometimes women lie to get the ring. He’s free to have doubts, but should I sacrifice my principles to get him to marry me? What if he doesn’t marry me after everything?