
He lives in Switzerland but comes home very often. I met him through a friend, and he proposed to me. I met him in December, but by the time he was leaving in January, he had tried to be intimate with me three times. I declined and told him that I would only do it after marriage.
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When he left the country, we stayed in touch. We were on the phone more often than not. During that time, I got to know his roommate, Mathew, who is also a Ghanaian. From the start, Mathew told me that my boyfriend loved me very much and that I shouldn’t disappoint him. I got Mathew’s number, and we talked whenever we felt like it. He’s a good person.
When my boyfriend was about to come to Ghana again, Mathew called me. He said, “My man says you don’t want to let him be intimate with you until marriage.” I sighed in agreement. He continued, “You don’t have to treat him like that. I know him. He’s not the type to do it with you and leave you. He’s honest. It’s always women who take him for granted.”
I didn’t argue. I listened to everything he had to say, and he concluded, “Since he’s coming to Ghana, I hope you’ll give him the chance to feel your body.” I laughed it off. When my boyfriend came to Ghana, he tried again the very first night we met. I said no and maintained my stance of waiting until after marriage.
He accused me of lying to Mathew, claiming I had promised Mathew I would agree to intimacy. He called Mathew and put him on the phone. He said, “Bro, your sister is still not allowing me. I’m tired.”
Mathew talked and talked, but my mind was made up. I needed security and wanted things to happen the right way. It wasn’t even about the intimacy. Sometimes I wanted it too, but this time, I wanted to do things right. Even if it didn’t work out, I could at least say I tried.
He spent a month in Ghana. We met every day, but I didn’t allow him to be intimate with me. Sometimes he was patient, but other times he tried to force his way. I’m tough, I fought my way out of his grip. When he went back, he told me he would marry me the next time he came to Ghana. He planned to stay in Switzerland for a year and then return to marry me.
He asked me to get the dowry list from my parents and send it to him. He had a video call with my dad, who told him the list wasn’t fixed and that he could negotiate if he thought it was too much. He said it was okay and that he would start buying the items as soon as possible.
We talked about the wedding every day. One day, he suggested we drop the white wedding and do the traditional one first, followed by the white wedding a year later. I didn’t want that, but I agreed.
When he came to Ghana with all the items on the list, he told me he wanted to perform the knocking rite and then return to Switzerland, planning to do the traditional and white weddings together later. I disagreed, but he gave me reasons, and though it didn’t sit well with me, I eventually agreed.
He performed the knocking rite on Friday. On Saturday, he asked me to stay with him until he left the country, as he had only two weeks left. I didn’t refuse. I packed a few things and went to his place. He started asking for sex, claiming he had “paid the price” and deserved the “cake.” I said, “That wasn’t marriage. That was the first step. Until the final step is taken, we can’t do it.”
The next day, he kicked me out. I didn’t hear from him again, though I tried, until he left the country. Mathew called and blamed me for frustrating his friend, saying that because of my actions, his friend was reconsidering the marriage. I begged Mathew to let me talk to him, and he did. My boyfriend said, “I’m beginning to have doubts about you. What are you hiding?”
According to him, I’m keeping a secret that I’ll only reveal after marriage. To prove I had nothing to hide, I sent him nude photos from every angle. Now he’s telling me, “If I don’t get what I want the next time I come, there will be no marriage.”
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I’m asking: Should I let this relationship go? He’s too desperate for my liking, and it feels like there’s a fishy agenda. But I can also understand his perspective because sometimes women lie to get the ring. He’s free to have doubts, but should I sacrifice my principles to get him to marry me? What if he doesn’t marry me after everything?
What I can say is ,since he has performed the knocking rites which is the actual Ghanaian marriage he is entitled to have sex with you. The white one is just a formality. Everyone in his right mind will feel cheated since you said he should get married to you in order to get the cookie and still no cookie was given to him then it means you have something to hide. Please he is your husband so stop denying him . But if you want to make things more legitimate go to the court to sign the marriage when he comes . The white marriage can follow. Please be a woman of your word. But if you still feel like not giving it to him then let him go and end the relationship. Because it’s frustrating on both end
Knocking is not marriage, it only declares an intention which could fizzle out. Please, stick to your principles, let no one fool you into believing that he will marry you after having his way.
If you make the mistake of giving in to him, you’ll live to regret it.
If he really wants to marry you, why the haste and insistence of intimacy?
He is in this game with his friend, so be on your guard.
He should come and perform the traditional and you’re all for him.
Knocking is not marriage my sister. If he’s serious with you, he should perform the traditional marriage. Don’t settle for less. U are unique
1. Are you a virgin? If you’re not then what is the essence of you starving him sexually. ?
2. You can starve him for how long you want if his agenda is only sex he will still disappear after marriage.
Sometimes is good to have sex before marriage ooooo,it helps to know the size of dick you’re going live with for the rest of your life,…
Where is the Bible was it Stated that we should starve our partners till marriage.?
It’s never a sin to have sex before marriage my sister. Some of you ladies are over doing things.
Hey Bello, even if she’s not a virgin I believe she’s a God-fearing lady keeping the principle to remain chaste until marriage
Knocking is never a marriage, keep your principles dear, you one in a million
If he truly loves you and need to feel your body then he should rush to pay for your bride price
# we shall account for every deed after death, let’s do things right once we have the chance 🙏
The way this guy is behaving even a child should know the guy is only in for sex.
1. even if she is not a virgin, it does not mean she should sleep with him before marriage
2. what it fornication then as the Bible said we should not fornicate.
knowing is not marriage sir
Knocking is not marriage. It simply is a declaration of intent. In my opinion, don’t give him sex. What’s the rush? Why is je sk desperate? If eventually jebis going tk marry you and have it all anyway, why the rush? And that thing about bringing his friend in to compel you to give in, my dear, don’t. If je breaks up with you everything, he will realise how silly he is sooner than later.
And of you want to give in, bear in mind that that will ne the centre of your relationship. Everything will simply sex sex sex. Also, if you want to give in, let ot be on your terms, not his and do ot knowing that he very likely may leave you afterwards. What if he claims that he didn’t like how it felt? You were too dull, or too experienced so he suspects you. You didn’t moan right? You were too much in control, you were not in control at all. My dear, the list could ne endless. Someone shared a story jere sometime ago about how a guy gaslighted him because accorito the guy, he is so big down there that no woman is able to take all of him. They all end up running away. Je met this girl and this girl took all of him, three times. That was enough for him to end things because she possibly couldn’t have been sexually inactive or sometime, like she claimed, and still be able to take him like that.
If you want to do it, let it be on your terms so even if he leaves you, you won’t feel so broken. But my advise is this, Don’t do it.