My last relationship started when I entered tertiary. Even though it was a long distance relationship, the distance didn’t affect us in the least. For the first time ever, I felt what it was to be in love and to be loved. It was different from all my previous relationships. We were so committed to each other that we made plans to get married after school.

Two years later, things started changing. He changed completely from the guy I knew. He would miss my calls and not return them. He could even go for days without hearing from me if I don’t reach out to him first. I wanted to save the relationship so I tried everything I could to hold on to him, but nothing worked. Eventually, I got tired of being in the relationship all by myself so I decided to let him go. He didn’t even put up a fight. You would think I never meant anything to him. It hurt, but I didn’t stay down forever. After grieving for a while, I put my broken pieces together and moved on.

As I got better, I chose to close my mind on dating and rather focus on my education. I told myself that I will be the best version of myself by the time the right person comes along.

A year later, I met Kay. Even though we were in the same school, I had never seen him before until that fateful day. When he approached me, his first word was “Congratulations!” He was congratulating me for joining the choir. “That’s a good step you have taken. We ought to honour God with whatever gift he has given us. And because you have chosen this path, I owe you a gift,” he added. I didn’t know what to say so I just smiled and thanked him.

True to his words, he honoured his promise a few days later. The gift he gave me wasn’t anything extraordinary, but I was so grateful for his kindness. We simply became friends after that.

We were the typical “Hello… Hi” acquaintances until one day when he asked me for a favour. He asked me to be his study partner. He said he needed help to excel at a particular course that was giving him problems. I wondered why he chose me over all the people in his class. Yes, we were not even in the same class. Besides, we were not close enough for me to comfortably study with him. I also didn’t want people to talk about us when they see us spending time together.

I talked to my friend about Kay’s request and my reservations. “So because of what people will say, you are not willing to help someone? Do you know how hard it is to ask for help only to be turned down? You are a good student and I know you can help him, so please do it and forget about what people will say,” she advised. I thought about this for a few days and finally agreed to help Kay. You should have seen how happy he was when I told him this.

We started studying together the next week. We would use two hours for our personal studies and the rest for discussions. By and by, our friendship grew. It got to a stage where we did not only talk about books. We also talked about our personal issues. We traded stories of our past and everything else that came to mind. Our conversations often went deep into the night. Even after we are apart, the conversation would continue on the phone till one person falls asleep.

At some point, his actions showed he was interested in me. Everyone around us saw it. My friends didn’t believe me when I told them nothing was going on between us. Not even my best friend. Although I had also fallen for him, a part of me doubted that he felt the same way about me. I figured if he truly loved me he would have said something. We had been friends for one year so it should have been easy for him to confess his feelings for me.

I understand that everyone has their way of going about things so I didn’t push him. I just kept my fingers crossed and hoped for the best. We continued being friends until we completed school. I thought us going our separate ways would bring a wedge between us but it was not the case. Kay’s actions and energy didn’t change. He even came to visit me at home.

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Along the line, he became moody all of a sudden. I asked him what the problem was but he didn’t want to talk. It took days before I managed to persuade him to confide in me. It was then that he revealed to me that, he had proposed to a certain lady a year and a half ago. At the time he realized he was in love with me, the lady hadn’t given him a response yet. Because of that, he couldn’t propose to me. “What I am trying to say is that she finally said yes. I want to give her a chance. I know I led you on. That’s why I found it difficult to tell you this,” he concluded.

I was surprised and hurt at the same time. I felt like I had been fooled. I had so many questions to ask him but I decided to let it go. After all, it was my own expectations that led to my disappointment. I withdrew from him and even thought of blocking him. In the end, I chose to ignore him instead. Once in a while, he would call to check up on me and I would try to be as polite as possible.

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My problem now is, he is back. His relationship didn’t work. The lady claimed she was waiting for God’s approval all that time she didn’t give him a response. After they finally got together, she started having dreams about marrying a man who is not Kay. She took that as a sign from God that she and Kay are not meant to be. So she broke up with him.

It has been a few months now since their break up. This guy won’t give me breathing space. He’s doing everything possible to make me understand him and give him a chance. He is a good person and possesses all the qualities I want in a man but what matters to me most is love. I don’t want to make a fool out of myself again. So I am asking if what he feels for me is love. Or am I just his plan B? Should I give him a chance?

—Olivia 

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