I have been married for thirteen years with four beautiful children. Our youngest child is four years old. Apart from the occasional disagreements that are common in most marriages, our marriage was uneventful. My wife is a good Christian woman. She always strives for peace, just as I do. So none of us held on to issues for long. It never even occurred to me to question her loyalty in any way until one day when she behaved strangely.
She brought me her phone to check on some settings for her. I was working on the phone when I left to go to the bathroom. When I returned, my wife’s password was no longer working. “Did you change your password just now?” I asked her. She responded, “Yes, the kids were playing with the phone when you left it. That’s why I did it.” I asked her for the new code but she didn’t give it to me. Rather, she unlocked the phone for me and sat next to me while I worked on it. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to when her body language screamed discomfort.
Her behaviour that day made me suspicious. So I persuaded her to change her password back to what I knew. When she did, I started monitoring her chats and call logs. There was a number she was constantly talking to. Sometimes they spoke five times a day. However, there were no chats between them. Out of curiosity, I linked her WhatsApp to my device. That was when I knew that she was chatting with the guy, but deleting it.
Why would she delete their chats if she had nothing to hide? Of course, I found evidence that she was cheating on me with him. I confronted her but she denied it; “We are just friends, I swear!” I didn’t want her to know I was monitoring her chats so I told her, “Whatever it is you have going on with him, stop it. Stop talking to him.” She didn’t stop it. Things rather got intense between them. So this time around, I showed her evidence so she wouldn’t deny it again.
I was determined to make my marriage work so I involved a counsellor. We talked about our problems. I didn’t do anything specifically to wrong her but I felt I might have done something to push her into another man’s arms. So I apologized. “If there is something you are not getting from me, tell me. Don’t go looking for it elsewhere,” I pleaded with her. She didn’t have anything to say apart from, “You are enough for me.” She promised she would cut off ties with the guy and focus on making the marriage work.
I looked at our four little children and also decided to forgive her for her infidelity. I did everything I could to keep my family together. I doubled the housekeeping money. I took her out on dates often. I bought her gifts as well. I tried to spend enough time with her so she wouldn’t feel she was lacking something I couldn’t give her. So imagine my shock when I found out after a year and a half that my wife was still seeing the guy.
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She bought a second phone and got a new number. She kept it at work so I didn’t know about it. God being so good, she forgot and brought it home one day. When I went through it, my heart almost stopped. All their declarations of love. Their meeting dates. And the places they visited, it was all there. “You said you were done with him,” I confronted her. Could you believe she got angry? She accused me of invading her privacy. “Just because you are my husband doesn’t mean you should be going through my stuff without my permission. I have a right to privacy,” she screamed at me.
She then changed her phone’s passcode again and put a code on the new phone. When I tried to address the problem she retorted, “You can go ahead and divorce me if you want. I am even fed up with your accusations. You are always bringing these things up to disgrace me.” The moment she made that statement, it dawned on me that my wife has been planning her exit from the marriage.
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This woman never spends a dime of her own money in the house. She has also never invested anything in our projects. Meanwhile, she earns more than half of my salary. I never complained because I wanted to save my marriage. But now I am wondering if there is anything worth saving anymore. Divorce has never been an option for me because of the children. How are we going to co-parent four children if this marriage ends? This is my dilemma.
I have tried to move out to give her space, but she always uses the children as an excuse to get me back home. “The kids are asking for you. They are crying,” she would say. “Where are you? Your children miss you,” she would sometimes yell. I would go over to see the kids and end up staying. I don’t know why she works hard to bring me back when everything shows she has moved on from me. Everybody I have confided in about this problem tells me that they have never seen my level of foolishness before. Am I really a fool for holding on?
—Ekow
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Your wife does not value the marriage.
Masa divorce her.
You are no fool . Divorced couples always find a way of working out how to co-parent their kids. The question is do you still love your wife? Besides a relationship is based on both partners. In your case you are the one doing the most by giving 80 % . There is nothing wrong with it only If your partner appreciate your effort and gives you the respect. Here is the case she doesn’t. My dear work on the separation. I think she is afraid of being called an adultress despite creating a holy image about her self. Don’t feel guilty for breaking the marriage. She broke the marriage by her infidelity. If you want change then deal with her strictly by relating with the kids only. Anything outside it is not allowed. Greet her etc but put her at arms length. If possible when she uses that children trick you don’t have to go there. Tell her to give the phone to the kids. By doing this she will know you mean business. If she is a wise woman she will dump the other man and mend her ways. Don’t be in a haste . Take your time ,think and plan wisely. Good luck.
This case punk ooooooooo. Your wife is dem crazy, probably it was the other guy that was her first and did forget me not on her body. DNA first before any other thing.
You better go n do secret DNA to check if the children are all yours cos a woman who has got it akk working in her marriage n after being caught still links up with the dide has something thst bods them together so would be difficult to ldt go of the relationship. So start 🤔 of DNA n if the children ate all yours she can have them weekdays n you go for them weekends. Don’t let her use the children to emotionally tie you. She knows your weakness n is using it against you
And who said the kids are yours? Haha funny!
A married woman who cheats? Man you have heart.
You better go and do DNA tests on all your children before it is too late. Men, we are just foolish.
In this age and dispensation, anything is possible so you should even consider checking the paternity of your kids. It may hurt but you have to stand your ground and start with separation to what will come out of it before you take the next step. But also bear in mind that it is profitable to go to heaven with one arm than have both and be condemned to hell says the Bible. God help and guide you
May Holy Spirit reveals more to
I’ve seen you’ve genuinely love you wife but incase like this seek God and let him direct you.
She’s just using the kids to trick you anyway but also try and do DNA tests for the kids other wise you may just be fathering children which are not yours.
Leave her and find peace. You can co parent if the kids are yours.