Alex and I found each other in the comment section of a Facebook post. While he lives in Accra, I live in Takoradi with my family. When I am in school, however, I am in Cape Coast. Despite the distance between us, we became friends. We started talking and I liked his vibe. He seemed like he was of sound mind. In my opinion, he wouldn’t want to be a bad boyfriend.

We started dating within a short period of time. One day we were talking when he said, “I want to come and see you on campus.” I was happy. That was our first time seeing each other. We went to the beach. It was so much fun. It felt like we were in a movie. The way we walked along the shores and talked about our childhoods, things we liked, and our least favorite meals. I had never done such a thing with a boy before. I was so giddy with excitement. At the end of the date, he tried to hug me but I was shy so I said no.

When Alex got to Accra, he broke up with me. I was confused. We just met for the first time and had a good time, so why break up with me? He answered, “You are still in school, too young for a serious relationship. Move on with your life. I will also find a working-class lady to date.” “If I did anything wrong, forgive me and give me another chance,” I pleaded. He wouldn’t change his mind. I had to respect his decision and move on with as much grace as I could gather.

Five months later, Alex was in my inbox telling me he made a mistake. “I shouldn’t have left you,” he pleaded, “I miss you. Please, give me another chance to do things right.” I was still single so I agreed to give him a second chance. We didn’t even date for long before he started saying insulting things to me. I ignored him a few times but one day I couldn’t let it slide. When he insulted me I simply told him, “Don’t ever talk to me like that again. I don’t like to be insulted.”

I expected an apology but I didn’t get one. What this guy told me was, “You are not submissive. If you were, you would have ignored me when I said those things to you. Why did you have to give me a warning?” There and then, he broke up with me. I didn’t want to lose him a second time so I begged him to stay. He left anyway.

Two weeks after the breakup, he came back again. He said I was too proud. “If you truly loved me, you would have pleaded with me however long it would take me to forgive you. But look at you. You’ve moved on so easily.” This same person, at the time I asked him for a second chance, told me to change his name on my phone from the pet name to his official name. It was at that point that I chose to let him go. Yet he was back here calling me proud. No apologies for his bad behavior. All he did was tell me, “The breakup was your fault. If you hadn’t disrespected me, I would have stayed.”

Once again, I was accused of something I didn’t do. Regardless, I accepted the blame for what happened and he took me back. Being the drama queen that he is, he texted me one day unprovoked, “You are a selfish girlfriend.” What did I do this time around? He said he saw me online but I didn’t text him. How is this an issue? It wasn’t as if he sent me a message and I didn’t respond. My data was on but I wasn’t even with my phone. When I explained this to him, he didn’t believe me.

He said, “You have a heart of stone. You are treating me badly because I left you and came back. You are trying to punish me for leaving. You are unforgiving.” He broke up with me that hot Sunday afternoon. I had gotten used to his theatrics at this point so I didn’t even bother to keep him.

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In February this year, he came crawling back again. This time around he was apologetic. “I am no longer the toxic guy who left your life the last time. I have worked on myself. I am a changed man now. Let me prove it to you.” The third time is a charm, that’s what the sages say. Who was I not to try again for the third time?  I welcomed him back into my life and we got together again.

We planned that he would visit me on campus and spend two days. I booked a guesthouse for him. He arrived on a Friday and I took him to the lodge. I had to attend to a few things on campus so I excused myself and returned an hour later with food for us to eat. After eating, I stayed with him for a while before I asked, “What’s the plan? Do you want me to spend the night here with you or I should return to campus?” He told me to go. When it was 9 PM, I left for my hostel.

I Discovered He Had Another Woman But I Couldn’t Leave Him

I was supposed to be back with him early in the morning but my roommate wasn’t feeling well so I had to do a few things for her first. I called to tell him I was running late but I would see him soon. When I finally got to the station to pick a car, there was none. I stood there for thirty minutes before I got a vehicle heading my way. I was in the car when Alex called to tell me, “I have left. Don’t bother coming over.” He sounded angry. I called him back but there was no response.

When he got back to Accra, he said I was selfish. “I came all the way to see you but you couldn’t sacrifice your time for me.” Mind you, I’ve never slept in a room with a guy before so I didn’t know how to go about things. I’ve tried to explain myself to him but he doesn’t want to hear it. Is he right? Am I truly selfish?

—Cynthia

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