Somewhere in the peak of summer last year, Bernard made a post in a Facebook group that he was single and looking for a relationship that would possibly lead to marriage. He listed the qualities he wanted in a potential match. One of them included a woman who at least had a Master’s degree. I am almost done with my PhD so I fell within his criteria. When I showed his post to my friends they encouraged me to give it a shot. “You are also single and looking for love so why not give it a shot? Who knows what will come of it?”

They made sense. What did I have to lose? The hopeless romantic in me took a leap of faith and sent him a message. We hit it off instantly. Conversations were so effortless. Within a month we were a couple. That’s how fast things moved. He wanted it that way. “I want us to get married as soon as possible,” he proposed. I told him, “Let’s slow down a little. We are still getting to know each other.” In the end, we agreed that we would get married in the spring of 2024. A compromise that seemed fair for both of us.

They say life happens while you are busy making plans. That’s what happened to us. While we intended to get married this year and then plan our future together, I missed my period barely five months into the relationship.

I didn’t panic or worry that I was pregnant. That’s because I am reproductively challenged according to my gynecologist. She said I couldn’t get pregnant due to multiple fibroids. She suggested surgery to correct it before I start trying for a baby. Therefore, I was convinced that my late period had to do with a change of scene. I had travelled to another State three weeks earlier. So I blamed it on the new environment.

When I waited for a few more days but still had no period, I had no other choice but to take a test to rule out the possibility of pregnancy. The test turned out positive.

Bernard was just as surprised as I was when I shared the news with him. “I thought you said you couldn’t get pregnant until you have surgery,” he asked. I explained that I was sure I couldn’t. He then said, “Well, it has happened now. We can’t change it but we can take care of it so we continue with our plans.” For someone who said he loved me and wanted us to get married, I was surprised he wanted me to get rid of the baby. That was definitely not something I wanted to do. We couldn’t agree on this. And a compromise was not on the table.

I thought this thirty-two-year-old man was loving and caring until this pregnancy issue came up. “If you insist on keeping this pregnancy, I won’t be in the picture. Our relationship will come to an end and you will raise this child as a single mother,” he threatened. “That’s fine with me,” I said.

As I am writing this story, I’m almost due. True to his threats, I have received no support from him. Indeed, he left me when I stood my ground and kept the pregnancy. I know it was my decision to keep the baby but I am angry that even if he doesn’t want me anymore, he refuses to be there for the child we made together. Why would a man choose to be a deadbeat dad just to punish me for not sacrificing the pregnancy for the continuation of our relationship?

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I’m not a child. I am thirty and financially sound enough to raise this baby. My concern is that I live alone in a foreign land. How am I going to combine childcare with school? He should be present to do his duties as a father but he has left me to suffer the consequences of the mess we made together. Is that fair?

The most annoying part about all this is that he won’t leave me alone. He sends me text messages randomly to remind me that I’m going to be a single mum. “You can’t give your child a good life because you lack vision for your life. If you were wise, you would have gotten rid of this pregnancy as if it never happened. What kind of mother is a woman who makes such poor life choices going to be? I pity that child. Make sure you don’t give my name to him.” This was one of the messages he sent to me.

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In his messages, he says I have ruined his life. “Because of you, I have to tell women I meet that I have a child somewhere. Why would you do this to me?” He would rant. My inbox has all the proof that our love is dead and the corpse is stinking. That’s if he even loved me in the first place.

I feel the only way I can make him responsible is to take him to court for child support. I believe the least he can do is financially provide for the baby if he won’t be physically present to take on some of the parenting responsibilities. Honestly, I don’t know if I can be a good mother to this baby but I pray to God to help me do this new job while I pursue my career.

— CJ’s Mum

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