My boyfriend, Maxwell, and I have been together for nine years now. We were in school when the relationship began so we knew we would have to complete first before we would even start marriage plans. However, in our third year, we agreed that we were in it for the long haul, marriage and all.

God being so good, we both got jobs as soon as we were done with our national service. As planned we started saving money while preparing for marriage. We met each other’s families in the process. My parents adore Maxwell. He is like a son to them. His parents also love me. We were all set to make the big jump but along the line, I had to take an eighteen-month course.

“I don’t want to try and do too much at the same time. Can we put plans on hold until I am done with school?” I suggested. He said it was a good idea. It would even give us time to save more money before we tie the knot.

By the time I was done with the course, we were in our fifth year as a couple. That was when he started changing. I found messages on his phone that had my heart twisted and bent. In these messages, he was flirting with a lot of women. Some of them were people he hadn’t met in person. Others, he had met. Some of his chats went beyond flirtations. They were love messages indicating he was dating them although there was no indication that he met them.

I couldn’t believe he was doing these things at a time when we had resumed our marriage plans. We were both doing well with our jobs and financially ready for marriage, but there he was, staining our love with his indiscretions. We fought about it but in the end, we ironed things out and carried on with the relationship.

They say once a cheater, always a cheater. That’s how I finally caught him in the act, doing it for real. It was on two occasions. This time it was messy. We almost broke up but his family got involved. They spoke to me and asked me to reconsider my decision. Should have left then but love can make one do stupid things sometimes.

Although I took him back, he didn’t change. He rather started delaying our marriage plans and giving excuses as to why the timing wasn’t right. I didn’t mind. I focused on my career, got a better job up north and moved.

My immediate supervisor is a married man with kids. He is from the community I work in. So I get to see his family members around a lot. His siblings are not in town but they visit quite often. Through these visits, I got to meet one of his younger brothers. His name is BB.

We kept in touch for a whole year. Checking up on each other once in a while. He knows about Maxwell. He would even ask of him whenever we talked. Nonetheless, he proposed love to me three months ago. When I turned him down he said, “I know you have a boyfriend already but I want to be your husband. You won’t know what I have to offer until you give us a chance.”

The truth is, I have been thinking about his proposal. This is because we have a lot in common. We have similar tastes in almost everything. We vibe really well. I saw him as just a friend but now I’m beginning to relate with him as something more. I have grown fond of him and I know I can be with him and be happy.

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He wants to tell his family about his intentions for me but I haven’t given him the nod yet. His siblings have made comments about how much they like me. Even my boss occasionally jokes that he wants me to marry his brother. This is how I know I will be accepted by his people.

My problem now is how deeply invested both me and Maxwell’s family are in our relationship. His family has helped me in a lot of ways in the past. My family doesn’t know his cheating ways so they don’t want to hear about any other man besides him. How will I now convince them to consider BB should I accept his proposal?

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Meanwhile, Maxwell hasn’t changed. The last time he visited me was four months ago. When he came, I noticed that two of his other women were always calling him. Also, he still drags his feet when the topic of marriage comes up. It’s as if he is no longer interested in committing to me. BB, on the other hand, is a great guy. He is ready to marry me when I give him the green light. I am tempted to accept him because I am not getting any younger.

Besides, if I wait around for Maxwell to marry me, he will continue to cheat. Is that someone I should settle with? This is why I have been looking for an opportunity to let him go. In my heart, I know BB will be a better husband to me. But how do I choose him without disappointing two families? I pray I get the courage and guidance to do what is best for me in this situation. So help me, God.

—Mimi

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