Tina is the woman I was planning to spend the rest of my life with. Despite the little resources available at her disposal to make something of her life, she has something going for herself. She sells fruits. The money she makes is not much but it’s enough to contribute to the upkeep of our family. I am also doing everything possible to make the best of a difficult situation. Currently, I work as a security guard. I earn as little as GHC1,400 a month but it helps that I am not doing it all alone. I have a supportive partner in Tina.

We started our relationship when we were both twenty-seven. Now we are thirty-two. The next course of action for us is to get married. However, a lot has happened within this space of seven years. I know the fact that we are still together must means we have overcome those obstacles. Unfortunately, that’s not the case.

I actually thought these problems didn’t have any implications on our future but I found out they do. That’s why I am at a crossroads when it comes to our relationship. I don’t know if I should take a leap of faith and marry her in hopes that everything will work out for our good, or if I should learn from history and walk away now.

We were perfectly happy together until Tina conceived our first pregnancy. Although we were not financially comfortable like we would like, we embraced the blessing that God gave us. We didn’t get chaotic and blame each other for not being careful enough. We were rather joyful as we planned for the birth of the baby.

As the pregnancy progressed, we found out she wasn’t carrying a baby. She was carrying babies. I am not going to lie, I panicked a little. I thought of the responsibilities of having twins and what extra work I could do to earn enough cash to keep the family from sinking. The more I thought and planned, the easier it was for me to expect the twins. What says “Children are blessings” better than the birth of twins?

Sadly, all our preparations and excitement couldn’t keep the twins here with us. We lost them shortly after their birth. To go through pregnancy and childbirth only to kiss your baby goodbye does a number on a person. Had it not been for the comfort of our support system, I don’t know how we would have survived.

Tina was torn. I did my best to hold her together while keeping myself from falling apart. The elders advised, “This is your first birth and first loss. Take heart but in situations like this, you don’t grieve too much. If not it will affect the survival rate of your next child/children. You two need to get together and have another baby as soon as possible.” This advice sounded like bitter pills to our ears but we swallowed them anyway.

The last thing on our minds was to have another baby. We just got really close because of our grief and found ways to make ourselves feel better. It resulted in the birth of a very beautiful daughter. This happened a year after our first loss.

True, the arrival of our little girl gave us something to celebrate. We focused more on the new life we were blessed with. We were careful with her. Not that we were reckless with the previous kids but you know how tragedy turns some of us into control freaks. Somehow, you convince yourself that if you can have control over what happens to everyone under your care, you won’t lose them.

I wish that were true. I wish all the ways we cherished our little girl were enough to keep her safe and alive. But what is life without a few painful twists of fate along the line? We lost our Joy when she turned 2.

I was broken. I was terrified of living. How do we bounce back from losing three children? It was a nightmare I wished I would wake up from. Unfortunately, there’s no waking up from reality. While we mourned, my mind was plagued with worry. “Is this as physical as it is medical? Or there’s a spiritual attack going on that I am not aware of?” I mused.

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I didn’t have the answers I needed so I went looking. While I searched, I didn’t give up on being a parent. Tina and I tried again. Once again, God blessed our efforts with another beautiful baby girl. This is where I became more determined to get the answers I was looking for.

During my investigation, I found out that my fiancée’s mother also experienced a series of losses when she started having kids. Tina is her only surviving child. This only spiked my concerns. I called Tina and asked if she knew anything about her family situation. That was when she confessed; “Yes I know. And when it started happening with our kids I suspected that history was repeating itself. I wanted to say something but I was afraid you would leave me if you knew.” She then apologized for keeping this grave secret from me.

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After our conversation, he updated his WhatsA

I informed my family about my findings. They are the ones saying that I should break up with her. Our daughter is now a few months over one year old. My people believe that if we are separated we can prevent the same patterns from happening again. I have explained this to Tina but she is not taking it well. “After everything I have lost, you want me to lose you too? No, I can’t. If you leave me, I’ll end myself.”

After everything we’ve been through, I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want her to hurt herself on my account either. But I also don’t want to risk losing our daughter. What do I do? How can we win this family warfare without losing everything we hold dear to our hearts; our relationship and our precious daughter?

— Jeffery 

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