I was going through my Facebook when I got a message from a guy. I replied and things picked up from there. We got talking. We spoke about ourselves, our shared interests, and what we had going on in our lives. We spent time talking to each other regularly. I liked him and I liked talking to him so when he showed interest in me, it was like adding fuel to fire. Finally, I felt like the stars have aligned to make things perfect.

Two weeks after we expressed our feelings for each other, we decided to meet in person. We fixed a date and met. There was no awkwardness or anything that made me feel uncomfortable. The conversation was fluid. The vibe was just on point like we’ve known each other for a very long time.

We both lived in Accra but the distance between us was long. When it comes to love and matters of the heart, there’s no place that far. The distance looked long but I visited him often until the long road lost its meaning. I went to his place often when I closed from work and sometimes went there when I was off duty.  I worked on weekends mostly so I didn’t get the time to visit him on weekends until one day I had the time to visit him on a weekend but he said no. I asked why and he answered, “My weekends are always packed with events. I have to attend funerals, weddings, and parties. I’m mostly not at home. I’m mostly at home during weekdays so you can come by at any time you want to. You don’t even have to call before you come.”

He got me at “You don’t even have to call…” If I can visit a man without calling to inform him first then it means such a man has nothing to hide. It’s like he’s giving you unfettered access into his life because you’re the one. I trusted him completely based on that single move.

Then the signs started showing around the bend. Every time I visited his house I saw stews and soups in his fridge. I knew he couldn’t prepare those dishes I found in his fridge so I probed. I asked him, “There is always food in your fridge. Who cooks for you?” He answered, “My cousin does them. She comes around every weekend to cook. She cooks enough for the week so she doesn’t have to come around every day. Not only that. She does my laundry too on weekends.” As I established earlier, I trusted him completely so I didn’t doubt his story. I didn’t even ask questions about his cousin. I just believed what he said like it was the gospel.

On one of my visits, I found a lady’s slippers in his room. It was supposed to be a sign that something was wrong somewhere but I told myself “It might be his cousin’s slippers. Why else would he leave it in the open for me to see it?” They say love is blind but I didn’t wait for love to blind me. I plucked out my own eyes so I don’t have to see a lot. The signs were there and staring right into my eyes but I refused to see them.

Three months after we started seeing each other I found out that I was pregnant. I had been pregnant for two months without knowing. When I got to know about it I called to tell him immediately He said, “No, you can’t keep this baby. The timing is not right. I am not ready.” He made it sound so easy like he had thought about it long before I announced it to him. I told him, “No I’m not going to do that. I’m going to have the baby and you’ll be the father.” He kept repeating his answer as if repeating it over and over again would make me change my mind. I didn’t. He involved his brother. His brother called me; “You guys met about three months ago. Don’t you think it’s too early to have a baby together? Think about it and see the sense in what I’m telling you. How well do you even know each other to have a baby together?” I didn’t know him enough, that much was true. I told myself, “The child is mine and I will do everything in my power to be the mother it needs.”

Days later, I contacted his elder brother and sister and opened up about our relationship to them. They sympathized with me and later supported me throughout the pregnancy period until I had the baby.

A week after I gave birth, he came with his family to name the child. He acted like a happy father. I thought all was forgiven and he was ready for us to come together and raise the child. At the naming ceremony, he made a promise to my family; “I will go back and put things in order. I will return when everything is in place so I can get married to your daughter.”

I believed him. His actions and demeanor showed that he was a changed person so I allowed myself to hope for a better day with him. I loved him still. He is the father of my child so I had the desire to end up married to him so the two of us can combine efforts to bring up the child in a good way. I had hopes in my heart but I didn’t know what was on the way coming.

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Two weeks after the naming of our child, I saw his wedding invitation on one of his friend’s status. As I said, I didn’t see it coming. The man who came to make promises to my family was getting married to another woman in a week’s time. How I felt can’t be written on paper. In the end, I told myself, ‘It is well” Though everything was going wrong for me. There was a fire on the mountain but I had to sit under it and pretend that all was well.

My daughter is almost a year old now but her father has seen her only once. He doesn’t care about her and doesn’t care whether she lives or dies. Whenever called and ask for money for the child he tells me, “Things are not going well with me. My finances are not good. Have patience.” By the grace of God, I am earning enough to take care of my little princess. God has been good to us and for that I am thankful.

My hope now is to meet a better person when I’m ready to love again. Someone who will take me as I am and won’t turn his back on me because I have a child. I know that day would come, so I’m here waiting patiently.

–AB

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