A Tribute To The Man Who Gave Me Seven Months Of Happiness

Throughout my secondary school years, I was a bookworm who consistently topped my class and won the overall best student award twice. I was never approached by guys, and neither did I notice them. My passion and professional aspirations were to practice law and also become a journalist and that was my focus. However, I was an exceptionally bright student from a low-income family so I couldn’t afford to pay for tertiary education. It happened that a year after high school, I received a full tuition waiver from KNUST, but I was unable to enrol because I couldn’t afford to cover the cost of the university’s housing. I was home for two years when God came through for me through an NGO. They offered to fully support me but on the condition that I pursue a program of their choice.

Since half a loaf is better than none, I accepted the offer. Before I went to school I promised myself that I wouldn’t date anyone from my school. This guarded me in school until I was almost in my third year. One of our lecturers couldn’t make it to class so he asked his TA to handle the lectures. I couldn’t figure out what it was about the guy that made me love everything about him. Every time he spoke, I melted at the sound of his husky voice. If I had my way the class would never end. After the class, he gave a straight face and left without asking if what he taught was okay. His behaviour got some of the ladies irritated but not me. I wanted him to come to class over and over again but that never happened.

COVID happened and schools closed down. I spent a lot of time on social media. That was how I came across the TA’s Facebook account and sent him a friend request. He accepted it and we started chatting. The next week was his birthday so I sent him a happy birthday message. He said thank you, and that was it. Months later, I was in my final year when I came across his profile again. I thought it wise to reach out to him to ask about the possibility of switching carriers since he is a product of my department with an M.Phil. In January 2021, I texted him through messenger, he replied and said he would be honoured to assist me; hence he asked for my contact.

When he called, he complimented my accent. He said it sounded exotic. He also praised my academic performance and aspirations. From that day onwards, we became amazing friends. I told him about my intentions to become a professor, and he shared the same dream. He always told me, “I want to live long enough to see the greatness you will unleash unto this world.” As our friendship grew, I introduced him to Silent Beads and we read every story posted here and debated on them. At one point, we couldn’t go a day without speaking to each other. I lived in Accra and he was in Kumasi but we were as close as neighbours.

Along the line, he asked me to be his girlfriend, but I turned him down. I liked him but I was scared that he might break my heart. However, I took some time to think about it. And then I travelled to his place and told him, “I will accept to be with you but there will be no shuperu.” He said he would try but I could tell he wasn’t happy about it. I also tried to be a good girlfriend and allowed him some liberties. We kissed, touched and did other things, but not penetration. Although I enjoyed what we did, I always cried when I was alone with God. I felt so sinful.

He had plans of pursuing his PHD, so he went back to school. During this period, he requested that I have a baby for him since I wasn’t ready to settle down yet. He said his mother would take care of the child. Our relationship was too young for me to consider such a thing, so I told him no. He took it well until three months later when he started growing distant. He would never call or text me. When I call too, he won’t answer and wouldn’t return the calls either. He was the one assisting me with my final year research paper, so his absence became a challenge to me academically. I saw what was coming but I expected him to man up and say it. It didn’t take long. One Monday morning, I woke up to a text from him, “Ama, I am so sorry for leading you on. For this past week, I have been trying to miss you but I don’t. I know your love is genuine but I feel guilty getting love from you that I don’t deserve. Let’s be friends and I promise to assist you when the need be.” After reading the text my heart started racing erratically. I wanted to cry but there were no tears. I asked myself, “So me too I’ve gotten a broken heart?” I was so hurt, especially my ego.

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Gradually, I graduated from school without his assistance. In a quest to forget about my pain, I started participating in beauty pageants and photo modelling. They gave me so much joy that I forgot about him temporarily. Sometimes, he saw some of my pictures and texted me to say he was glad I am doing what I love. When I started my national service on campus as a TA, I saw him often. He was a full-time lecturer in one of the departments so our paths crossed. Sometimes I would see him first and avoid him. Other times too he would see me first and talk to me. I remember a time when he came to my office one day and I left him there alone, but he never stopped trying to get close to me again.

Somewhere in July, I felt the urge to look for him. The feeling was so intense that I couldn’t withstand it. So I texted him that I want us to meet. And we met on the last Saturday of August. We had a nice time talking. I got the closure I needed and he apologized for being a jerk. He told me to call him when I miss him. After that meeting, I was freed from every pain I harboured against him. Exactly two weeks after our meeting, he died. Just when I thought I was fine and ready to move on, he died. We were not together but I still cared about him. Yesterday marked exactly four months since his painful demise and it hurts as it did the first time I heard the news.

I have cried, I have wailed, I have yelled at the universe. This pain I feel is more than heartbreak. When I think about how energetic, vibrant and ambitious he was, I break down. Sometimes, it hurt me that I did not give him the baby he asked for. If I had done it, a part of him would have lived on. Whenever I sit back and reflect on the days he ran after me and I ignored him, I feel horrible. His death has taught me that it is unnecessary to bear grudges, but I am mad at him for leaving this world so soon.

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Dear Akwasi, I just want to let you know that even when you didn’t love me, I loved you immensely.  And that, you hurt me so badly. Because of you, I am no longer curious. Because of you, I ignore every single person in my messenger. Because of you I hate listening to Jackie’s “Forever” song. I hate listening to Bruno Mar’s “Just the Way you are”. I rather listen to “Talking to the Moon”. Throughout my entire journey in life, you are the one person who hurt me the most. You gave me seven months of happiness, and everything after that has been pain. You didn’t try at all. Please, come back and mend my broken heart.