A Phone Call Was All I Had to Give to Have a Beautiful Marriage

When I speak about the number of failed relationships I’d gone through, I start counting from my National service days. That was the point I felt the seriousness of life and decided to be intentional about the people I date. Before service, I was just a girl going through life and having fun with whoever came my way. I didn’t see a guy and said, “This is the guy I’m going to be married to,” no it never happened. They propose. I accept. We move while having it at the back of my mind that anything at all could happen for the relationship to end.

When I started my National service, I met a guy who promised me heaven and earth. He said he was going to marry me after service. He said our wedding was going to be so huge people won’t stop talking about it. He said we were going to travel the world together, exploring beautiful places and things. I asked him, “What money are we going to use to do all that?” I asked that question because this guy didn’t have the money to do all that. He said, “Watch me. I would be rich someday and all these dreams would come through, with you by my side.”

We dated for only one year.

I don’t even remember the story of our breakup but I remember the two of us fighting over something petty and he telling me he couldn’t continue. I remember calling him a liar too but the rest of the story is blur.

I met another man some months later. He was a lecturer and had his life figured out. He wanted to marry me as soon as possible but I wanted to also have my life figured out before anything. Our dreams didn’t align. He was in a rush but I wanted to take it slowly. We dated for a year. I caught him telling another woman the same things he had told me right from the beginning. That he was going to marry her as soon as possible if the lady agreed to date him. I didn’t know which of us he wanted to marry so I left the relationship.

And then I said to myself, “These things don’t work for me so I better stop dating and concentrate on myself. I did. I turned down every proposal that came my way. For the next four years, I was able to find a job. Rent an apartment. Repaired my father’s old car and used it as my personal car. I felt settled. Not that I was looking for a man but it was at that point in my life where the proposals stopped coming. I was thirty years and not married so you can imagine the pressure coming from my parents and even friends.

Anytime we had a family gathering of some sort, those aunts and uncles never stopped asking “When are we coming to your wedding?” It didn’t bother me. I had happiness in myself and there was nothing more I could wish for.

One day, my friend and a colleague at work told me, “My senior brother saw you on my phone and asked me to introduce you to him.” I asked, “Introduce me to him as what?” She answered, “He said he would like to know you. He finds you beautiful so I told him a lot of good things about you. He’s my brother and a very calm man.”

So, she gave my number to him and he called me; “Bertha, this is Fiifi, Esi’s senior brother.” I said, “Yeah she told me you would call.” The next day we were on a date to get to know each other. I found him charming and humorous. There was this calm about him that made me think he should have been a pastor. He talked to me while looking straight into my eyes. I feel uncomfortable whenever someone, especially a man looks at me that way so each time he looked into my eyes, I dropped my head down.

After the date, he said, “I hope we meet again soon.”

The next day, I was expecting his call but he never called. The following day too same. Three days straight, he didn’t call. I asked my friend, “Your brother. He’s not calling after the date, has he told you anything?” She said, “Wait let me text him and ask.” I was with her when she texted her brother and asked, “You didn’t tell me anything after the outing with my friend, what happened?” He responded, “Oh it was fine. She’s beautiful and well-mannered but she seems too disinterested for my liking.” Her sister asked, “So are you two going to meet again?” He responded, “Maybe but I don’t know.”

I said, “Me? Disinterested? This guy doesn’t know me.

That evening, I called him myself, “Fii, I’ve been waiting for your call. I hope you’re good?” We talked on the phone for several minutes and ended up fixing another date. After the date, I visited him and he visited me too on different occasions. When he looked into my eyes, I looked right back into his eyes until he’ll drop his gaze. A month later, he proposed. I asked, “You like me that much?” He said, “Yeah, you’re that girl, easy to love and easy to roll with.”

One year later, he asked me, “Now what?” I said, “It all depends on you.” He said, “Then let’s do this.” I asked, “What’s this?” He said, “You know what I mean.”

He was talking about marriage for the second time in a year. The first time I told him it was too early. This second time, I didn’t know what to tell him but I was scared about the whole marriage thing. He was a good guy but I feared marriage would change him. He was too good to be true. I thought he was putting up a face to get me to marry him and then change for the worse. But one day I told him about my fears and that started a whole new conversation about what we both expected in a marriage and what we would do to ensure our expectations are met.

We were both candid about our expectations but most importantly, we were both open to each other on our strengths and weaknesses.

But that didn’t kick the fear away. Living with one person for the rest of your life is very scary when you think about it that way but guess what…We’ve been married for eight years now and there’s not a single morning I’d woke up from bed and said “I regret ever doing this.” Not a single moment I would look at his face and say, “Boy I was wrong for calling you that day after the date when you didn’t call.”

After eight years, I know if he talks to me without looking into my eyes, then it means he’s hiding something or something is wrong. So, one day I realized he was looking down at his feet while talking to me. I asked, “Is anything the matter?” He looked at me for a second and said, “Naaa all is well.” But I knew him too well to believe what he was saying. I asked, “Are you sure?” He said, “As sure as sure can be, I’m alright.”

READ ALSO: I Broke Up With My Boyfriend While Living Together With Him

He looked fine so I let him go but I was right. He was hiding something. One morning, I woke up and he wasn’t in bed. I could smell something good inside the house. Then I heard his sister’s voice. Before I could get up, he came in. He said, “Happy anniversary.” I was like, “Ohhh it’s February 10^th? Happy anniversary too.” He said, “Cover yourself and come and see something.” I wrapped my cloth around my chest and followed him to the hall. I saw his sister, that my friend who linked us. I saw my junior brother and mother. His mother and father were there too. Our hall had been decorated with a giant cake standing in the middle. I said, “So that’s what he had been hiding…a surprise?”

To date, I still look at the photos of that anniversary and smile. Cloth around my waist celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary.

Whatever I was scared about marriage had been replaced with something exciting. After work, I know I’m walking home to a beautiful family (We have three kids). When I’m sick, I know there’s someone to help me go through the pain. If I go out and stay very late, I know there’s someone out there who’s worried about me. And when I’m old and grey and dying, I know there will be someone next to me to help make the process a little bit easier. I had fears but now, all that’s left is the joy of having someone next to me for the rest of my life.

–Bertha

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