I had a thing for fair guys when I was a teenager. It didn’t matter if they were short or tall. As long as they are fair, I would crush on them. You could ask me to list three qualities of my ideal partner and I would say “One, he must be fair. Two, he must be fair. Three, he must be fair.” I didn’t think any other qualities existed in men besides their complexion. It sounds stupid I know, but in my defence, I was in JSS. What did I know then?

The first fair guy who caught my attention was Josh. My family and I had just moved to a new neighbourhood and he was the most exciting thing over there for me. Josh was in high school then. And I was not the only girl in the neighbourhood who was smitten with him. No, some of the people who wanted him were married women. I could see his door from our window, so I spent a fair amount of time watching him.

I saw all sorts of women coming in and out of his room. That should have put me off but no. It only made me desire him more. I felt like it would be nice to be with a boy who could have anyone he wanted. In my daydreams, he chose me over everyone and we were so happy.

Maybe I manifested our relationship. Or maybe he had his eyes on me all along. I didn’t even know he noticed me until he sent me a note one day. The message on it was simple, “Will you be my girlfriend?” He then added boxes with “Yes” and “No”. I couldn’t contain my excitement while I ticked “Yes”. I couldn’t believe I was finally going to be with a fair guy.

My family and Josh’s family were close so it was easier for me to sneak into his room. There were times that I would cook and send it secretly to his room to serve him. My younger brother got to know that Josh was eating our food but he didn’t rat me out. Instead, he teased me with it. Years have passed but he still makes jokes about it. He says I used to serve him in ordinary bowls but I’d serve Josh in fancy bowls. So he nicknamed me, “Water is thicker than blood.”

I don’t remember how I felt when we had our first kiss. Neither can I remember the first time we had shuperu. They pale in comparison to the disaster our entire relationship was. Remember how I said Josh had women going in and out of his room? Well, that didn’t change when we got together. I gave him everything but he wasn’t satisfied. My heart aches for my younger self when I remember all the times I caught him in bed with several women. I couldn’t even fight him or them because our relationship was a secret. One time, I had to pound fufu for him and one of his girlfriends to eat. I was so young and foolishly in love with him.

I thought I had seen it all until I found myself pregnant with Josh’s baby. I was in secondary school when it happened. Although Josh accepted the pregnancy, he was not willing to bear any financial responsibility for it. I didn’t mind at first because we planned to get rid of it. However, I couldn’t go through with it. I just didn’t feel right about terminating the life growing inside me. Josh was angry when I told him this. He wanted to still be with me but have nothing to do with the pregnancy.

I was too scared to tell my mother what was going on so I went through everything by myself. She had her suspicions but when she asked me I denied it. My father was ill during those times so all my mum’s attention was on him. That’s how I got away with hiding the pregnancy from her. Even my brother didn’t notice it. My baby bump was small so no one in school noticed it either. When someone commented that I put on weight, I would just smile and say, “Yes, I have been eating a lot of banku these days.”

At one point, my mum and dad travelled to my dad’s hometown. My mum was away for four months taking care of him. I was left at home with my brother. It was when I was in my eighth month that I informed him about it. Unlike me, he couldn’t keep the news to himself. He told my mother immediately. She wasn’t with us but that didn’t stop her from calling me and insulting me over the phone.

My mother insulted me every day that I had disappointed her. It was so bad that I cried every day till I had the baby. I never attended antenatal clinic but I had a healthy, fair, and handsome baby. He looked so much like his father.

After delivery, my mother came home to help me out. She was amazing but she never stopped insulting me.

Through it all, Josh never paid a dime for child care. All he did was buy a few of the baby’s things. I did it all with my mother’s help.

One of my earliest struggles as a mother was getting my baby to breastfeed. I tried so hard but he didn’t want to feed. When Josh found out he had the audacity to tell my mum that I shouldn’t continue school until his child is breastfed well and is a year old. Now that I am thinking about it, I am angry all over again. Because of him, I am allergic to fair and short guys.

I thank God that my mother was on my side. She is my everything and I’m forever grateful to her. She is the reason I didn’t give up on my dreams. I am now a midwife waiting for postings. The child I had with Josh is eight years old now.

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After all these years, Josh is still an absent father. He doesn’t even call to ask how the child is doing not to talk of the upkeep of the child. My mother was the one who took care of him with my little support.

Sadly, my mother passed away before I completed my national service. She couldn’t even enjoy the fruits of her labour. I continue to cry every day when I think of her because she was my everything.

In The End, I Had To Choose Between Three Men | Beads Media

Sometimes when I hear stories of single mothers going back to their baby daddies and betraying the men who took up the fatherly role of their child, it irritates me. There’s no way I will ever have anything to do with Josh. I broke up with him before the child turned one. It took me a long time but I eventually learned my lessons. A man who treats you like trash shouldn’t be tolerated.

I sometimes feel hurt when guys reject me because I have a child but I have come to accept it. Right now I am pouring all my love into my son. I had the worst first love but I’m a strong woman now in spite of it. I am proud of the progress I have made. And I know that one day true love will find me.

#MyFirstRelationship

—Akosua

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