When I was in JHS, a few of my classmates had boyfriends and girlfriends. Me, I never believed in having a boyfriend at that age. I believed I was too young for that. Occasionally they would tease some of us that we were dating, but it was all jokes. The boy they usually teased me with is called Bobbie. If they saw him talking to me they would shout, “Mr Bobbie and Mrs Bobbie are chopping love.” It didn’t always feel funny to me but our colleagues always got their laughs out of it. I learned the hard way that situations like that escalate when you try to fight them. So at some point, I accepted that Bobbie was my boyfriend and went along with the jokes that accompanied us.

It was all jokes until we wrote our BECE in 2013. Bobbie and I got in touch a month after our completion. We texted each other regularly to the point where texting him became something I did unconsciously. Through that, I realized I had developed feelings for him. He also admitted that he had feelings but we agreed that we wouldn’t date. “This friendship is too precious for us to jeopardize,” I told him. He agreed, “Yes, that’s true. So if we are going to date, it has to be something serious. We should wait till we have completed university and are old enough to understand these things.”

When we went to SHS we continued to keep in touch. We simply communicated through letters and made phone calls during vacations. The more we spoke the more my feelings for him became stronger. The only thing that kept me together was the promise that we would end up together when the time was right. Because of that, I never paid attention to other boys who came my way. I remember telling myself one day that I’ll live a single life if I don’t get to date or marry Bobbie. I don’t remember the exact words but I think I swore an oath. It was at a moment when my feelings for him were so intense that I uttered the words, “I will not marry anyone if I don’t marry Bobbie.”

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We continued our friendship till we met at the University. We got closer to each other this time around. Being in the university together brought us closer to the lives we wanted. We still managed to keep our friendship even though the temptation to start a relationship was always lurking around us. One time in level 200, things got out of hand and we had our first kiss. For me, that kiss and all the other kisses we shared after that held the promise of our future together. But I think they meant something different to him because he started withdrawing from me for no apparent reason. I tried so hard to draw him closer but he kept pulling away from me. Eventually, I got tired of pouring so much of myself into him so I stopped.

One evening I closed from a concert and felt a sudden urge to visit him in his room on campus. Lo and behold, when I got there I saw a lady on his bed. The lights were off so I couldn’t tell whether she was fully clothed or not. He came out to meet me with a surprised look on his face. He smiled and said, “Don’t just stand there, come in.” I looked behind him at the lady lying on his bed, shook my head, and said no. Then I turned around and left. I told myself that I was done with him. “I can’t believe I was waiting for him while he is busy getting together with another girl. That’s it for me. We will never date.” And so I moved on with my life.

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I dated someone after that incident but the relationship didn’t work out. It was a long-distance relationship, and I don’t do well when it comes to long-distance affairs. So I had to let him go. After him, I met someone else. Our relationship is doing well and plans are underway for us to get married this year. I’m still in touch with Bobbie but we don’t talk beyond, “Hello, how are you?” I am madly in love with my boyfriend but these days I have been dreaming about Bobbie. I dream of us holding hands and having a good time together. And then I wake up thinking of him and get this strong desire to reach out to him. I just want to know what he feels about me or maybe tell him what’s happening to me. However, I have refrained from reaching out to him.

I believe the reason I feel this way about Bobbie is because of the oath I swore years ago. What do I do to break it?

–Constance

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