She had been sulking. She could be at the corner of the room with her cheek buried in her palm and lost in thought for several minutes. I will watch her and wonder what it was that she was thinking about. The answer had always been “Nothing is wrong. Just thinking about personal stuff.” I would wake up at dawn and immediately know that my wife isn’t sleeping. She would lay in bed with her eyes closed just to fool me but I’d known her for too long to be fooled. When she sleeps she snores lightly and breaths deep into her chest before she exhales. She was lying there breathing feebly like a baby with catarrh. I tapped her, “Get up and let’s talk, I know you’re not sleeping.”

She snapped; “Why should you hit me to wake me up? Now that you’ve destroyed my sleep how am I going to sleep again? Why don’t you want to give me peace in this house? If you want me out so you can enjoy the whole bed, tell me and I will sleep in the hall. What’s that?”

It was just a simple feeble touch followed by a soft voice that said, “Wake up and let’s talk.” So I was surprised about the drama she was showing me at that ungodly hour. I told her, “Maybe you were already angry about something and you’re pretending I’ve hit you with a mall hammer. This isn’t anything to be angry about but it’s OK if you’re angry. Now tell me, “What’s really eating you up? You’ve been quiet for days. Is it about the miscarriages you’ve suffered between these two years? Are you thinking we’ll no longer have a child again? What’s eating you up? Let’s talk about it.”

She got angry again asking why I was bringing up her pain again. “You woke me up to remind me of my pain? Is that the intention? To tell me I’ve lost two pregnancies? Are you OK? You like it when I cry, right? Then I’m sorry to disappoint you, I’m not going to cry.” Then she burst out crying. She picked up her pillow and left the room for me. I tried following her but she warned me not to follow her. Her voice was too loud that it shook our four-year-old child from his sleep. He was asking what was going on. He asked why mom was crying. I bundled him up and put him back to sleep.

Early the next morning, I went to her parents and lodged a complaint. They asked me, “Have you been fighting?” I answered, “Just the normal fight couples fight every once in a while. Nothing to warrant her new attitude.” They asked a series of questions and all the answers were no. They asked me to go home and promised to talk to her.

They did.

They did the talk right in front of me and even gave me the opportunity to ask further questions. She responded vaguely but you could see resentment in her answers. A week later everything was the same. She could be happy and playing with our son but immediately I walk in the happiness would disappear as if I came with the energy that sucks the joy out of people.

I took the issue up with her parents again and she was called. Her father asked what the issue really was and she answered, “I want a divorce.” I even laughed at her. I thought it might have been a mistake. Maybe she wanted to say something else and she mistakenly mentioned a divorce. Her mom and dad chorused; “A divorce? For what?”

She said calmly, “I told you that I’m tired and I need rest. I just don’t want this again. I’ve been thinking about it for days and no matter how I think about it, it still comes back to the same conclusion. I can’t do it again.” We were all shocked because we didn’t see it coming. All the questions we asked didn’t resolve anything. Her mind was made up. She wants to leave the marriage as soon as possible.

In fact, at a point, I got angry about how evasive she was about the whole thing. When we got home I decided to avoid her. As the days went by, I realized things were disappearing from the house one after the other. A bag today. A shoe rag tomorrow. A hairdryer on Monday. Photo frames on Tuesday. Her belongings kept disappearing each day until I came to the conclusion that she meant what she said about the divorce. I told my parents too. They worked their way into the issue but couldn’t resolve anything. You can’t resolve something when you don’t know what the problem is. “I’m tired” is not a problem. We’d gone through worse and had come out unscathed so everything came as a shock to me. “How can ‘I’m tired’ lead to a divorce?”

Finally, she moved out of the house and rented her own place. She didn’t even inform her parents about it so I was the one who did. They called it the work of the devil and ask me to pray about it. When she went out of the house I got so angry I wanted a divorce too so this charade could end. I called her one day, “When are you bringing the divorce papers so I sign my part?” She answered, “I’m speaking with a lawyer. Very soon I’ll bring it.” Three months later, there were no divorce papers. When I confronted her about it she told me, “If you also want it that much then you can start something from your end. Maybe my lawyer is slow. You can get one that would be quicker.”

And then she decided to change our child’s school to a more expensive one. I told her, “If I’m the one going to pay fees then forget it. There’s nothing wrong with his old school and I insist he stays.” It turned into a fight that prolonged for weeks. It was affecting our child’s development and it started breaking my heart. At that point, I decided to be the one to call it quits. After all, divorce is a divorce no matter who started it but I needed a reason so I started digging for one.

I asked her friends if she was seeing someone else and they said no. One of her friends showed me where she lived and I went there late in the night just to check who went in and who came out. There was nothing. I felt she was seeing someone else but my checks couldn’t prove anything.

Six months after staying apart her parents called me one day to come home and I went. She was sitting there with her hands tucked in between her thighs. When I settled they turned to her and asked her to say what was on her mind. She got down on her knees and started apologizing and crying. “I’ve allowed the devil to use me and I regret everything. Please forgive me and let’s patch things up.”

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It was like a dream. “Patch what up?” I asked her parents; “What changed? How come? Why is she talking about patching things up all of a sudden?” Her dad narrated the story of how she came home one night crying and asking for forgiveness and all that. “The whole thing sounds like there’s a devil pursuing her.”

I’m not a believer in such things so again, I started probing. When I told my parents they said I should take her back because marriage comes with many issues. Everyone I talk to wants me to take her back but they all say that I should let her confess the reason why she left in the first place. I rather wanted to know why the sharp u-turn and it turned out that she has lost her job.

The company she was working with wasn’t doing too well so they laid her off. I asked her, “You want to push your burden on me that’s why you’re coming back?” She answered, “If you like, don’t give me anything for the rest of your life and I won’t complain. I’ll get another job very soon and that reason won’t exist again. I’ve regretted my actions and I want to patch things up. I need forgiveness and I need my family back in one whole again.”

When I asked why she left she said she felt tired and heavy and all of a sudden my presence was causing her to have anger issues. “The two miscarriages might have contributed to such a feeling because I couldn’t just explain what I was going through.”

The Reason Why My Wife Doesn’t Allow Me To Touch Her–Beads Media

If I say I don’t want her again I would be a big liar. I still do because she’s still the mother of my child and I don’t want another mother for my children but I’m confused, scared and conflicted. Nothing makes sense to me–her departure and sudden u-turn. I think about it and I get more confused. I want her but I want to understand why she left and why she’s coming back just when I was getting used to the idea of a divorce. Is it possible to just leave a marriage because you’re tired? Do you also think there’s something hidden that I should find out? I need answers.

–P.K   

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