The Little Habit I Ignored In The Beginning Is Now A Big Problem In Our Marriage

I met my husband seven years ago. It was a naming ceremony for my sister’s baby and he was part of my brother-in-law’s entourage. During the ceremony, I noticed he was looking at me. He didn’t do it discreetly, no. It was as if he was trying to look into my soul. I tried my best to ignore his gaze but I felt his eyes everywhere I went. And when I look in his direction, he would stare at me without looking away. After the ceremony I overheard him asking my brother-in-law, “Where is your father-in-law? There’s something I want to ask him about his other daughter.”

I thought it was a joke until this man walked up to my father, pointed at me and said, “Give me a date so that I can come and marry your daughter over there.” We all laughed because we thought he was joking, but he was serious. After that day, we became friends and then we started dating. I liked the kind of man he was. He was very tidy and always looked clean. He had a good job. He was also caring, and most importantly, transparent with me. Through his act of transparency, he opened up to me about his smoking habits. I was concerned at first and even spoke to him to stop. But I realized that he couldn’t stop.

Even though I didn’t like that he smoked, I loved that he had good plans for his future, and I had also madly fallen in love with him. There was nothing about his life that reflected that he was a smoker. Even his parents and my family didn’t suspect anything. Which led me to believe that it wasn’t that big of a problem. I thought with patience and perseverance I could get him to quit. Besides, he never did it in my presence. So I was very certain that he would change. As time went on, our love grew stronger and he followed through with his promise to my father and we got married.

After we got married, there were clear signs that he was still smoking. I could always see it in his eyes, but that was all. He performed his duty as a husband to the core. So I decided that I won’t let it bother me that he smokes. Currently, we have two beautiful kids and our marriage was uneventful until two years ago. His behaviour over the past two years makes me believe he is indulging in something other than marijuana. Whatever this new thing is, has him hooked in a bad way. My husband is always high on it – every second, every minute, every day. He is always sleeping. Even when he stands, he dozes off. And he is constantly scratching his nose.

We can’t have dinner as a family without my husband sleeping at the dining table. When we go to sleep at night he wouldn’t sleep. He would just pace the entire room with his eyes closed, until morning. When it comes to intimacy, it’s awful. It doesn’t feel like I am sharing myself with a human. He does it like a robot. If we start in the morning, he won’t finish until evening. And if we start in the evening, he would continue till morning. The entire time he is doing it he would be dozing off. Sometimes I would tap him to get off me but he would refuse to stop until he is done. So I spend the entire time we are doing it tapping him and keeping him awake until he is done. Sometimes too I have to employ every means possible to get him to finish, so that I can be free. For over a year now, we haven’t had any good shuperu because of this.

READ MORE: My Husband’s Lack Of Fashion Sense Is What Drove Me Into My Ex’s Arms

I don’t remember the last time I had a conversation with him for more than thirty minutes. He always dozes off when we are talking. At this point, it even makes it difficult for me to talk to him about the way his habit is affecting our marriage. His mind is mostly not present. I have prayed several times about it but I don’t know what actions to take to make my prayers come to pass. This has made me very unhappy in my marriage. Anytime I see him high in his elements, sadness overshadows me. If not for this problem, he would have been the best husband ever. Should I tell his family and my family about it? They still don’t know that he has this problem. He is a highly respected man so I don’t want him to lose that respect.

What do I do? What do I say to make him change? Please if anyone has been in a situation like this, tell me how you overcame it. Help a sister restore the joy in her marriage.