We Are In The Middle Of A Divorce I Initiated But I Don’t Want The Divorce Again

We were not happy. We had been married for four years but were happy only in the first year. The rest of the years were dark, it was like we were in a bottomless pit of problems. I have to admit, most of the problems were about things we could have resolved but the two of us couldn’t communicate our feelings very well so every little problem generated into a fight. 

When after two years of marriage we realized we couldn’t have a baby, she suggested that we should see the doctor and I agreed. Both of us didn’t have the kind of money to see the specialist so we kept postponing until we forgot about it. She told me she was fine but the problem was coming from. I told her I was fine but the problem was coming from her. It turned into an argument and she said something like, “Every woman in my house is fertile. My senior sister got pregnant a week after marriage. My mom gave birth every year and ever since I grew up and started chasing relationships, I never did an abortion or anything to have issues with my womb. I’m whole, it’s you who need a serious checkup.”

That wasn’t the first time she was saying that to me. We had an argument some months ago because she told my parents that I was the one suffering from impotency, the reason why we couldn’t give birth. That day when she went on ranting about how fertile she was and how fertile her mom was I told her, “Be here and be talking nonsense. One day another woman will bring my child home to you to care of. That’s when you’ll know that I’d been fertile all along.” 

She was hurt and I understood her. The two of us could have talked through the problem but instead, she held on to what I said and concluded that I was already seeing another woman. She stopped cooking for us and stopped doing her wifey duties in the house. Whenever I complained she told me to go to that woman I was planning to get pregnant. Finally, she told me, “Out of the abundance of the heart speaketh the mouth so I know you’ve already started exploring that alternative. So what am I doing in this marriage, just wasting my time right?”

I didn’t know any other woman. It was something I said because I was angry but the life of my marriage came to an end because of that. We didn’t have sex because she slept wearing tight nickers and mostly slept in the hall. 

I had some extra money at some point so I told her, “If you have something little to add, we can both go and see the specialist and take it from there.” She retorted, “You and I know that the only person who has to see a specialist is you and not me. You’re the one who is impotent. Take care of your own self and stop thinking about me.” 

What was supposed to be a peaceful discussion turned into a war. I realized the only thing that got her angry was me telling her I could get another woman pregnant. I repeated the same line again and she retorted, “Go and make another woman pregnant, who cares? You think if I spend days with my ex right now I also can’t get pregnant? Keep lying to yourself. You’ll grow old and grey and realize the fault had all along come from your end.” Honestly, I was hurt. Why not any other man but her ex? I got the impression that she might have started talking to her ex because of the issues we were going through. I also hung on that line of thought and harassed the daylight out of her. 

Our marriage became a battleground. I wasn’t happy when coming home from work and she wasn’t happy too. We could stay in the same house for days without talking to each other. On weekends, she didn’t come home. She would go to her parents’ house and later send me a message that she wasn’t coming home. One day, I went to her parents’ house to drag her back home. We were on public transport and were throwing shade at each other. We got home and continued the fight. She asked me, “So you brought me back here to fight with me?” I answered, “I brought you back here because this is your house.”

She wasn’t sleeping in the bedroom with me often so one night when I needed intimacy, I got up and went to the hall. She was fully dressed and covered with cloth. I woke her up and told her what I needed. She chuckled and ignored me. We hadn’t been intimate for a month or so. I couldn’t stand it so I forced my way through her. My wife screamed and wailed as if I was killing her. The next day, she packed her things and left the house. She told her parents everything that happened and they called me. I also told them my part of the story. Her mom was clearly angry and her dad was too. Her mom said something like, “Ever since you came for my daughter, there had been nothing but problems. If you don’t want her, why don’t you bring her back?

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The issues got escalated to the extent that the two families had to sit down and address them. I was sick and tired of everything so I said, “I don’t want the marriage again. We’ve been through a lot and have never been happy in this relationship so the best is for us to go our separate ways.” I didn’t discuss it with anyone before that day but looking at how the issues were being dragged here and there, it got me frustrated so I made that statement. She also got up and agreed to what I said. The family dispersed but they gave us a week to think over things. All through that week, I didn’t see her. She wouldn’t even pick up my calls.

My family initiated the traditional divorce and soon we were through with it. I initiated the court process but that one is more tedious than I thought. After we filed all our papers and indicated our readiness to go ahead with the divorce, I realized she was pregnant but was keeping it from me. We were not talking to each other but I gathered the courage and asked her if she was pregnant. She said, “That’s none of your business. Concentrate on the reason we came here for.” I told my parents about it and they made consultations with her family. That was when it came out that indeed she was pregnant for me. That was the result of forcing my way through her that last night we were together and for over four months she kept it from me until I suspected it that day.

Some people think the pregnancy isn’t mine that was why she was keeping it away from me out of embarrassment but I know my wife. She was everything but she won’t cheat on me. They say I should wait and do a DNA test before I accept responsibility but that would be too long and that would bring another fight I’m not ready to fight. As I write this, I don’t even want the divorce again. I’ve told her about it. I’ve asked her to give this marriage one last chance. Looking at what we’ve been through, we’ll learn and make things right with the second chance we’ll get. She shook her head. She said she had no taste for marriage again and she regrets getting pregnant for me at the time that it happened.

My Friend With Benefits Is Pregnant For Me But That’s Not The Issue–Beads Media

My parents support the comeback and have made a move. Her parents said they’ve left everything for my wife to decide but I don’t believe them, especially her mom. The reason we were constantly fighting is over. We have what we were fighting for now so why go through with the divorce? Looking back, the issues that brought the fight were feeble and we could have resolved them without a fight. That’s why I’m very sure we would succeed when given another chance but she says no. I want the marriage again. There should be something I can do to get her to say yes. That’s why I’m sharing my story here. I believe in the counsel I will get here. Please don’t judge us, help us come together again.