I met this girl at Lapaz about a year ago. Someone had set my friend, Kofi, up with her. And he wanted to observe her from afar before contacting her so he asked me to accompany him to her place of work. When we got there, we stood at a place where we could see her clearly but she couldn’t see us. After intense scrutiny, Kofi and I admitted that she was beautiful. The only problem was, she wasn’t Kofi’s type. He said, “She is nice but she is too slim for me. You know I like my women with enough body.” So I asked him, “Will you be okay if I go for her? I am single, and I like her.” He shrugged and said okay.
The lady didn’t know which of us she was supposed to meet so when my friend gave her number to me, I presented myself as the person she was set up with. We spoke on the phone and got to know basic things about ourselves. I learned that she is in her early twenties. She also has a strong bond with her family. Which is something I admire about her. Along the line, we met officially. After that meeting, we took turns visiting each other. We did all this as friends even though I had completely fallen in love with her. I didn’t want to rush things so I took my time and waited for her to get comfortable around me. It was after that, that I told her how much I felt about her and asked her to be my girlfriend.
She was reluctant to accept my proposal in the beginning but I pushed until she finally said yes. I didn’t want us to waste time in a long relationship so the moment she said yes, I started talking about marriage plans. The plan was that she would introduce me to her family first, and then I would introduce her to my family. That was when all our troubles began. I would ask her, “When are we going to see your people?” And she would respond, “Don’t worry, we will go soon.” Soon turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, while my girlfriend was busily dragging her feet. In my experience, women don’t drag their feet when it comes to introducing a man they love to their families, so her behaviour struck me as strange.
Every time I thought about what she was doing I would be filled with dread. I just couldn’t shake off the feeling that another man was in the picture. I wanted to find out the truth without her lying to me so instead of confronting her directly, I accused her of cheating. I told her, “I know that there’s another man in your life. I know that he is the one who bought you the new phone you are using but you lied to me that your mother bought it for you. Why would you cheat on me this way? I thought you loved me.” To my surprise, she admitted that all my accusations are true. I felt betrayed but I needed her to tell me the truth so I persuaded her to tell me everything.
She said, “Yes, there’s another man in the picture but he was there before I met you. My family suggested that we date so I gave him a chance. I loved him at first, but we started having problems after he performed my knocking rites. I honestly wanted to leave him but my family got too involved in the relationship so it made leaving so difficult. That was when you came into the picture. You were my comfort and I have grown to love you. I wish more than anything that I could take you home to my family but they are too attached to the other man. So I have been in a dilemma for some time now. I love you so much that I don’t want to lose you, but there’s a man out there who believes I will marry him. I wish I could please my family and still have you but I can’t. I have to make a choice, and you know how much I can’t stand to disappoint my family. Forgive me for my deception, but don’t leave me.”
I Didn’t Marry You To Become A Baby-Making Machine—Beads Media
Truly, I forgave her for not telling me the truth from the beginning, but I withdrew from her. For whatever reason, I still love her but I don’t want to play this game she seems to be in the centre of. It would have been easier to fight for her if her family hadn’t already picked the side of the other man. I know there’s no hope for me so I’m trying as much as possible to move on, but she won’t let me. She keeps giving me slivers of hope that anything can happen. She says, “Don’t you have faith in God? If it is His will that I am yours then I am yours. So let’s pray and seek the face of God. Do you know that I have been having dreams about us? And as if to seal that dream, my fiancé doesn’t treat me right. Everything shows that you are the man for me, so don’t give up yet.”
I want to believe her but her situation is too complicated for me. She has refused to allow me to leave her completely, so I feel stuck. We both know that I love her, but I don’t want to be entangled in her mess. What do I do now?
— Reuben
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