My childhood days were really difficult but I am who I am because of it. Before I turned eight, my mum and dad lived in the same neighbourhood but were not together. They tried to keep their relationship cordial for my sake, and I got the opportunity to know my paternal grandmother and uncle. Unlike my dad, they were loving people.
When I turned eight, my mother relocated to another town, which was far from my school. So I decided not to go with her. I moved in with my dad, which was a difficult decision. The man didn’t have an ounce of affection in his bones. He barely even provided for my needs. I was mostly left in my grandma’s care. She too couldn’t do much for me when it came to finances. One day she told me, “Efe, you know I don’t have enough money to take care of you. Why don’t you start selling something so you can have some money for school?”
I agreed with her suggestion and started hawking in the streets of Accra at that early age till I turned fourteen. I had two sisters who were also living with my grandma but I was the only one going out to sell. After selling, I would go home and do all the chores in the house. It gave me little time for my books so I quit selling when I was about to write my BECE. Fortunately, one of our co-tenants’ sons, Kassam, was in SHS at the time. He had a good head on his shoulders so he often helped me to study. Sometimes, he helped me do my chores so I would finish quickly and return to my books.
My dad was rearing sheep at the time, and I was responsible for going to the bush to cut grass for them. Kassam was so in tune with my routine that by the time I got to the bush, he would be there waiting to help me with the cutting. He also bought me gifts whenever he could. People around us started saying things like, “Where is your boyfriend Kassam?” “You and your boyfriend Kassam are so inseparable.” Of course, we weren’t dating, and these people knew that. But they just had to tease us. Soon, their teasings got to my dad, and he didn’t like it.
Instead of simply talking to me about it, he preferred to use his canes and belts. So anytime he saw me talking to Kassam, he found a mundane reason to beat me. My grandma also found out about our closeness and tried to put an end to it but it didn’t work. She warned me, “I don’t want you talking to Kassam and his family. I don’t like them.” I listened to her alright but I didn’t do what she asked. I don’t know what her problem with them was but it wasn’t my grudge to hold. As far as I was concerned, they were good to me.
My behaviour angered my grandma so she reported me to my uncle, who got the go-ahead from my dad to beat me anytime he saw me talking to Kassam or his family. You would think that all this would keep me away from that family, but no. While my family was doing their best to keep me away from him, my heart had fallen flat on its face for him. It was crazy how I found out that what I felt for him was love. He had these ‘On and Off’ mood swings that used to get on my nerves. He would decide not to talk to me for weeks, for no apparent reason. At some point, it stopped being annoying and it became downright hurtful. I would miss him terribly whenever he went off on me to the point where it hurt. That was when I knew that I had fallen in love with him. And that’s why my family couldn’t keep me away from him or his family.
One day my uncle saw me talking to Kassam’s sister and he got angry and beat me until I ran to my mother’s place. That was it. I never returned. When Kassam returned from school he heard about what happened but he didn’t know where to find me. So he searched for me until he showed up at my mum’s doorstep with my name on his lips. The distance from his place to my mum’s place was long, but that didn’t deter him from visiting me frequently. One day during one of his visits I asked him, “Abdul, do you love me? I am asking because everything you do tells me that you are in love with me.”
That evening he told me, “Yes, I love you but I didn’t know how to tell you. But now that you’ve asked, will you be my girlfriend?” I said yes immediately and we kissed. It was my first, and I liked it very much. I didn’t even want anything touching my lips afterwards.
Not long after that my BECE results came out and I gained admission to the same school he was attending. He was in his final year then so he left shortly after I enrolled in the school. Our relationship was doing well until he stopped talking to me out of nowhere. At first, I thought, “It’s his usual mood swings again. He will come around soon enough.” But this time it stretched on longer than necessary. He wouldn’t visit me, and when I went looking for him he ignored me. Of all the things that hurt me in life, his behaviour was the one that cut the deepest. And I let him know this but he never cared.
For one year, this guy didn’t get in touch with me. So I moved on with Fiifi. A few months into my relationship with Fiifi, Kassam showed up. I told him, “You are too late. I have moved on.” He begged me for weeks to take him back but I never gave him a chance. My relationship with Fiifi didn’t go far. We broke up along the way. Kassam and his family also moved out of our family house to a different location. And we lost touch for over a decade.
We only started talking when we found each other on Facebook. Old flames rekindled. We talked about each other’s marital status. He was honest with me, “I am not married yet but I have a child with someone.” I was also in a relationship with someone but it was complicated. Kassam tried hard for us to get back together but I refused. I told him, “It’s not right to have a child with someone and marry someone else. Please do the right thing and stick to your baby mama.” He wasn’t happy with my response but he married her eventually.
Recently, he relocated to the U.S.A with his family. He is doing so well over there. During one of our conversations, he confessed that he is still in love with me. He wants me to be his second wife by all means. I’m surprised that after all these years, he is still holding on to me. I’m still single hoping to find love one day but to be his second wife is a big No for me. Besides, I am a Christian and he is a Muslim so that’s not going to work at all.
Right now I am looking for a way to help him move on from me. How do I help him to concentrate on his beautiful family?
—Efe
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#SB
End your conversation with him. You are not a doctor.He will heal himself