I met John right after I completed SHS in 2016. His brother who happens to be a family friend introduced him to me, and we clicked instantly. For me, it was love at first sight. I was so shy I couldn’t look into his beautiful eyes, and I felt butterflies in my tummy when he spoke. After that day, I kept thinking about him and hoping I could see him again sooner than later. A few days along the line, John called me. He said, “I took your number from my brother so that I can also be your friend.” 

I felt so happy as I thought, “Maybe he feels what I feel for him too.” By and by we became good friends. And even though I had feelings for him, I kept them to myself. He always called to check up on me, and he visited me when he had the chance. I could see from a few things he was doing that he also had feelings for me. However, I decided to ignore the signals until he opens his mouth to confess his feelings. Not long after that, he called me one morning and asked; “Can I meet you today? There’s something important I want to tell you.” I was anxious about whatever he had to say but I agreed to meet him so we could get it over with.

 When I met him that day, he proposed to me saying he wants me to be his girlfriend.  I was over the moon because I loved him. I said yes to him that very day. He’s very handsome and lovely, how could I not love him? As our love journey started, I felt he was everything I wanted in a man. I was very happy around him. During that period too, I applied for a job even though I wanted to further my education. My results were not good so the plan was to work and better my grades so I could go back to school. 

A few weeks into our relationship I got a job. The salary and daily tips that came along were good for me. It helped me take care of myself and support my family as well. My boyfriend also had a decent job. The only disadvantage of dating him then was that he was staying with his sister, her husband, and her children. I wasn’t happy with it because I wanted to spend more time with him but I knew that things would get better for him soon and he would get his own place. Four months along the line, we had our first shuperu in a hotel. 

After the incident, I became concerned that he would change toward me but I was wrong. He became madly in love with me. Everything was going well in our first year together. I could boldly say that our love was true and pure. One particular month I missed my period. And I wasn’t feeling quite right. But I told myself, “There’s no need to be alarmed. It’s probably just malaria.” And then I called John to accompany me to the pharmacy so I could get some drugs. The minute he saw me he said, “You look pale, you could be pregnant.” My heart skipped a beat because I wasn’t ready to be a mother. 

We went into the pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test kit. And when I took the test it was positive. We were both not happy about the results. So we decided that we wouldn’t keep it. We booked an appointment to get the procedure done at a private clinic. However, when the day arrived we got scared and cancelled our plans. John told me, “I don’t know what I would do if things go wrong and I lose you. I know the timing is not right but let’s keep the baby.” My first trimester took a toll on my health so John asked me to quit my job and stay home. I did that, and he took care of my every need. 

His family came to perform all the customary rites concerning the pregnancy. And my family, especially my mom liked him because of how well he took care of me even after I stopped working. Everyone in my family accepted him and things were going on smoothly until I lost the baby in the seventh month prematurely. We were hurt but we felt it happened for a reason. We moved on. In May 2020, during the covid 19 pandemic, he moved from his sister’s place to rent an apartment for himself. By then I was also ready to further my education, so I registered and rewrote my failed papers with the help of my sister. 

This whole time, John was the one giving me upkeep money every day. He was so kind to me, but when he rented his apartment he didn’t want me to have a spare key. I didn’t understand it because I didn’t suspect he was hiding anything from me. This guy was willing to give me everything within his power but he refused to give me a key to his place. So I got suspicious and decided to visit him unannounced one evening around 10:00 PM. I received the shock of my life when I got there. He was wearing just boxer shorts and there was a naked lady in his room. I was broken. I cried and left. 

My night was shattered. I cried the whole night. He called me the next day to apologize. I was deeply hurt but somehow I felt responsible for what happened. I felt I wasn’t doing everything possible to make him happy and that if I tried hard enough he wouldn’t do it again. So when he promised to never repeat it, I forgave him. And he gave me a key to his place as proof of his remorse. But things were not the same after that. He started changing his phone passwords and reducing our calls and texts. One time I saw his password and I was tempted to go through his phone. My jaw dropped when I saw the things he was doing on the phone. There were many text messages from ladies, including hookup girls. I was hurt. 

READ ALSO: The Gods Want Our Baby But We Want To Keep Her For God

To make matters worse, he stopped hiding it from me but I didn’t have the courage to leave. He was still generous and taking care of me, he just didn’t care whether I caught him cheating. Along the line, I decided to go and stay with him for a week and I didn’t inform him I was coming because I had his keys. That whole week he didn’t come home and I didn’t call him. He didn’t know I was at his place either. When he came home I questioned him but he couldn’t tell me where he went. It was obvious he had been sleeping out with other ladies. We got into a serious argument and I left. That day I decided that I was done with him. Enough was enough. I blocked him everywhere on social media. 

Three months after our breakup he started begging me to take him back. By then I had gained admission to the university. And though we were broken up, I missed him terribly. So when he showed up making promises that he had changed, I took him back. He bought me the latest iPhone on the market and a laptop for my studies. And he started giving me upkeep money again. For the first few months, I monitored him closely and realized that he had truly changed. But now, he has started womanising again.  He doesn’t call me anymore or text me but he still gives me money. I don’t like how things are going so I was planning to walk out again. 

The problem now is that I just found out I’m pregnant again. I’ve informed him. He says I should give birth, and continue to go to school. I’m hurt. I feel like he messed with my contraceptives to trap me. I know he’s a responsible man, and he will care for us but I don’t understand why he womanizes. How can I handle him? Why does he give me everything I want but refuse to show interest in me? At this point, I don’t know what I am going to do.

—Jane

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Please email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

#SB