I have gotten to a point where I don’t know if what I am feeling is pain or anger. What I do know is that my heart is aching. I am also feeling sad and a little broken. And I don’t know how to process these feelings.
It all began when I met a beautiful girl last year. I was so drawn by her beauty that I did not take my time to know her before proposing love to her. She also accepted my proposal immediately and we started dating. Things were good from the start and I was crazy about her. At that time she had just started her business and I didn’t want her to rely solely on it for survival. So I took her financial burdens upon myself. I gave her a monthly allowance of GHC300 and still provided whatever she demanded of me. That aside, whenever I visited her I gave her money and bought her food and provisions. I even bought her airtime and internet bundles. I did everything possible to make sure she didn’t have to deal with any form of financial stress.
We were together for over a year but I never complained about anything I was doing for her. I am not a rich guy, I am just a salaried worker who also owns a side business. So every money I spent on her was my blood and sweat, yet this lady didn’t appreciate it. She was quick to say demeaning things to me whenever we had arguments. One of her favorite lines is, “Don’t let me break up with you.” Every little thing that happens between us, she would threaten to break up with me. This made me feel as if she thought herself better than me. There was even a time when she called off the relationship. And then later came to apologize. I loved her so I forgave her and took her back.
I thought her apology meant she would no longer be verbally abusive but I was wrong. She never missed the opportunity to put me down and make me feel as if I was nothing. Despite all of it, I still provided for her financial needs and still loved her. One day she told me, “I am going to visit my friend, Ama. I will spend a few days at her place.” But I found out later that she traveled with Ama, Ama’s boyfriend, and another guy. The entire time she was away she didn’t answer any of my calls. When she came back I confronted her, and it turned into an argument. We argued for days until I decided to drop it and let things go.
Fast forward, for the past two months, my finances have been a mess. Firstly, because my business has been slow, and also because I had taken some salary advances at work. So every month deductions were made. Even though I was struggling I made sure I met my girlfriend’s needs. This put me in a very tight place but I never complained or turned down any of her demands. The only thing I couldn’t do for her was to send her her monthly allowance in full. Even though I couldn’t do that I tried to give her what I could afford within these times. Sometimes I sent her extra cash when I made extra money.
While I was breaking my back to make her comfortable she was dissatisfied with my efforts. Last month too I couldn’t send her her full allowance so I sent half of it. She got angry and said I had disrespected her. She said, “Because it’s your money, you are sending me whatever you like. The amount you were sending me was too small already, and now you are reducing it. How do you expect me to survive?” I explained things to her, “It’s not intentional. My business is not doing well at the moment that’s why things are going this way.” She responded with questions, “What are you spending your money on? Don’t you have savings or investments you can fall back on? So if something happens right now, how much do you have in your bank account?”
If she had asked me these questions under different circumstances I would have answered her. But she asked them out of anger and in a demeaning way. So I told her, “There are some things I am not comfortable talking about with you, and this is one of them. What you should concern yourself with is that I provide for your needs. The rest is my problem.” From that moment I started feeling that she cared more about my money than she cared about me. And to confirm my suspicions she changed toward me. She barely called me and anytime she did, we ended up arguing. Because of this I also lost interest in calling her. I was tired of the way her words broke me down.
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The arguments were mostly about money. She often said, “If you give me GHC300 a month it means I am supposed to spend GHC10 a day. That amount is too small for me. I end up spending the money I make from my business, in order to eat three square meals every day. You have to do better than this. Increase the money because that amount is nothing.” I was angry, hurt, and disappointed in her but I always held myself together. One day she told me, “I think you should venture into another business so that you can earn more money.” And I asked her if she had anything in mind, but she got angry and started insulting me. She said, “I am just trying to help. I am not happy that one month we are fine, and the next month we are broke. Some stability would be nice for a change.”
That day I told her, “The problem will not go away if I start another business. We need to learn how to manage our resources. There are things you buy in the month that you don’t even need. We can start from there.” Her anger escalated, “Do the guys who have their finances sorted out have three heads? This is not rocket science, figure it out.” I told her to snap out of her fairy tale world and things got messier. She went on to tell me that my mind was not mature enough for the conversation we were having. The last thing I said to her was, “It’s my sweat and blood that I give to you every month. Check your entitlement.” Then I hung up and blocked her number.
The next day I sent her a text; “I know I’m not a perfect guy but I tried my best for you. You should know that it’s not about dating a rich man, it’s about being with a giver.” She has called me many times and even with different numbers but I have refused to speak to her. Sometimes I wonder if I am being too harsh on her but then I think about her behaviour and I know I did the right thing. I am still hurt that my efforts meant nothing to her but I know I will be okay eventually.
—Desmond
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#SB
My brother, you were with a gold digger. Like you rightly said, her beauty blinded you so much such that you didn’t take your time to study her. You would have seen that side of her and not even date her in the first place. She was in to milk you. And hence when your finances dipped, she changed as well. Flee my brother, flee.
Also, it is wrong to be doing what you were doing for a girlfriend, someone you’re not even close to marrying. Start slow. Buy gifts intermittently. Don’t give monthly allowance to a girlfriend. It encourages overdependence and laziness. You can offer finance help once in a while, but don’t go all out. Take your time in your next relationship. Build a friendship get to know the person first as a friend before letting your intentions know. Then you take it from there.
Most importantly, don’t ignore any red flag you see during the friendship period. Its the person’s true self. Open your eyes wide, look at them and flee. Don’t let love blind you. You’ll cry afterwards
She is a complete user.Find you someone who wants you and not your money.l think you need to work on being by yourself and loving yourself. Stop looking at a person physical beauty and find their inner beauty. Pray about it,God will send you your queen.
My brother, you should have cut her off long ago… honestly i dont know why some of u my gender do this things, sacrificing for an ungrateful woman like this… you should have realise she was just using u keke.. i wonder why u didnt cut her off the very moment she lied of travelling kraaa… She cheated and u still accepted her back…. My brother,word of advice, dont repeat this mistake ever again ok… Better days are coming ok
You have been too tolerable .That girl is an ingrate .Don’t waste your time and effort on her .
Hmmm some ladies get and yet don’t appreciate. Some of us our men will tell us we are doing business so we should support the house with our profits even when they know business is not going on well, when they know business is bad they still want you to help with the profit u get by giving something which can take care of the house leaving u and ur business to struggle but if they see u are at lost they will end up saying u can’t manage business. My brother ran for your life
U did a great job by blocking her,I just loved ur proverb,’its nt abt dating a rich guy but dating a lover’,she doesn’t deserve you,stay focused,grow ur business and find the rgt partner,all de best
should I even advise this one? i agree with the lady
If you are mature you will learn to cut your losses early and move on