I have gotten to a point where I don’t know if what I am feeling is pain or anger. What I do know is that my heart is aching. I am also feeling sad and a little broken. And I don’t know how to process these feelings.

It all began when I met a beautiful girl last year. I was so drawn by her beauty that I did not take my time to know her before proposing love to her. She also accepted my proposal immediately and we started dating. Things were good from the start and I was crazy about her. At that time she had just started her business and I didn’t want her to rely solely on it for survival. So I took her financial burdens upon myself. I gave her a monthly allowance of GHC300 and still provided whatever she demanded of me. That aside, whenever I visited her I gave her money and bought her food and provisions. I even bought her airtime and internet bundles. I did everything possible to make sure she didn’t have to deal with any form of financial stress. 

We were together for over a year but I never complained about anything I was doing for her. I am not a rich guy, I am just a salaried worker who also owns a side business. So every money I spent on her was my blood and sweat, yet this lady didn’t appreciate it. She was quick to say demeaning things to me whenever we had arguments. One of her favorite lines is, “Don’t let me break up with you.” Every little thing that happens between us, she would threaten to break up with me. This made me feel as if she thought herself better than me. There was even a time when she called off the relationship. And then later came to apologize. I loved her so I forgave her and took her back.

I thought her apology meant she would no longer be verbally abusive but I was wrong. She never missed the opportunity to put me down and make me feel as if I was nothing. Despite all of it, I still provided for her financial needs and still loved her. One day she told me, “I am going to visit my friend, Ama. I will spend a few days at her place.” But I found out later that she traveled with Ama, Ama’s boyfriend, and another guy. The entire time she was away she didn’t answer any of my calls. When she came back I confronted her, and it turned into an argument. We argued for days until I decided to drop it and let things go. 

 Fast forward, for the past two months, my finances have been a mess. Firstly, because my business has been slow, and also because I had taken some salary advances at work. So every month deductions were made. Even though I was struggling I made sure I met my girlfriend’s needs. This put me in a very tight place but I never complained or turned down any of her demands. The only thing I couldn’t do for her was to send her her monthly allowance in full. Even though I couldn’t do that I tried to give her what I could afford within these times. Sometimes I sent her extra cash when I made extra money. 

While I was breaking my back to make her comfortable she was dissatisfied with my efforts. Last month too I couldn’t send her her full allowance so I sent half of it. She got angry and said I had disrespected her. She said, “Because it’s your money, you are sending me whatever you like. The amount you were sending me was too small already, and now you are reducing it. How do you expect me to survive?” I explained things to her, “It’s not intentional. My business is not doing well at the moment that’s why things are going this way.” She responded with questions, “What are you spending your money on? Don’t you have savings or investments you can fall back on? So if something happens right now, how much do you have in your bank account?”

If she had asked me these questions under different circumstances I would have answered her. But she asked them out of anger and in a demeaning way. So I told her, “There are some things I am not comfortable talking about with you, and this is one of them. What you should concern yourself with is that I provide for your needs. The rest is my problem.” From that moment I started feeling that she cared more about my money than she cared about me. And to confirm my suspicions she changed toward me. She barely called me and anytime she did, we ended up arguing. Because of this I also lost interest in calling her. I was tired of the way her words broke me down. 

READ ALSO: My Girlfriend Is Asking Me To Help Her Breakup With Her Boyfriend

The arguments were mostly about money. She often said, “If you give me GHC300 a month it means I am supposed to spend GHC10 a day. That amount is too small for me. I end up spending the money I make from my business, in order to eat three square meals every day. You have to do better than this. Increase the money because that amount is nothing.” I was angry, hurt, and disappointed in her but I always held myself together. One day she told me, “I think you should venture into another business so that you can earn more money.” And I asked her if she had anything in mind, but she got angry and started insulting me. She said, “I am just trying to help. I am not happy that one month we are fine, and the next month we are broke. Some stability would be nice for a change.” 

That day I told her, “The problem will not go away if I start another business. We need to learn how to manage our resources. There are things you buy in the month that you don’t even need. We can start from there.” Her anger escalated, “Do the guys who have their finances sorted out have three heads? This is not rocket science, figure it out.” I told her to snap out of her fairy tale world and things got messier. She went on to tell me that my mind was not mature enough for the conversation we were having. The last thing I said to her was, “It’s my sweat and blood that I give to you every month. Check your entitlement.” Then I hung up and blocked her number. 

The next day I sent her a text; “I know I’m not a perfect guy but I tried my best for you. You should know that it’s not about dating a rich man, it’s about being with a giver.” She has called me many times and even with different numbers but I have refused to speak to her. Sometimes I wonder if I am being too harsh on her but then I think about her behaviour and I know I did the right thing. I am still hurt that my efforts meant nothing to her but I know I will be okay eventually. 

—Desmond

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Please email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

#SB