Naomi and I became good friends after we met at a church program. In the course of our friendship, I introduced her to my old friends and she got along very well with them. As I got to know her more I developed romantic feelings for her. And she also related with me in a way that made me feel she felt the same way about me. So I confessed my feelings for her and asked her to be my girlfriend. She didn’t turn me down, nor did she accept my proposal. She asked me to give her time to think about it.
For three months she kept me waiting. I kept asking her, “Have you finished thinking about my proposal? What have you decided?” And the only thing she kept telling me was, “It’s not that I don’t like you, I do. My problem is the distance between us. I live in Kumasi, and you live in the Eastern region. I can’t bear to have us apart should we start dating.” I tried to convince her that we could make the long-distance work. I shared stories with her about people who are happy in such relationships, but she wouldn’t budge. Eventually, I realized that she would never say yes, and she probably didn’t want to hurt my feelings by saying no. I also realized that I was the only one who initiated conversations. If I didn’t call or text her she wouldn’t check up on me. So I stopped pursuing her.
I tried to move on with my life and began talking to other people. When she saw that I was no longer waiting around for her she came to me in March. “I have finally decided to say yes to your proposal. Let’s give this relationship a try.” She said. By then too I had started talking to another lady so I told her, “You are too late. I am talking to someone else now.” She appreciated my honesty and withdrew from me. But the truth is, even though I was talking to someone else I was in love with Naomi.
The other lady I had started talking to was obsessed with marrying someone who lived outside the country. She told me, “If you really like me, you should think of travelling abroad.” What she didn’t know was that I had no interest in leaving Ghana. I am a government worker who is living comfortably. My dad also promised to give me GHC100,000 to start a business of my choosing. So I know that I can make it here in Ghana. Because of this, I started withdrawing from her little by little until we stopped talking. Then I spoke to a friend of mine who is also close to Naomi to help me get Naomi back.
After my friend spoke to her, I travelled to Kumasi to see her and smooth things over. She told me, “I have accepted your proposal but you should know that the vibe with which I came to you is gone. I will need some time to get it back, so you have to be patient with me.”
I was very much into her so I agreed to be with her while she works on the vibe. We have been together for over three months now yet I am the only one making the efforts to make the relationship work. When I call her we talk nicely, but if the call ends in the middle of a conversation she wouldn’t call me back. I was concerned about it but I was also determined to keep trying.
One day out of nowhere she told me, “I have made a lot of sacrifices to be with you. So many guys who are more financially sound than you have come my way but I have rejected them for your sake. The reason is that they are promiscuous and you are not.” I didn’t understand her point but I replied, “Babe, I am not forcing you to be in a relationship with me. If you think I am not worth whatever you are sacrificing for me, then go. I don’t want you to end up hurting me badly.” Since that day I have started being careful. I continue to call and send her money occasionally but I am very careful with my emotions. There’s no way I would give all of myself to a one-sided relationship.
In August she came to my place and we attended a funeral together. I don’t live with my parents but when she came, we both lodged at my father’s house. I got the chance to introduce her to my dad and he likes her. Before I did the introduction I asked if she was okay with it. She said, “Introducing me to your father doesn’t mean we can’t break up after that.” I took it as a joke but her behaviour at the funeral made me think otherwise. We went to the funeral with my friend, the one who spoke to her on my behalf. And Naomi clung to him as if he was her boyfriend. She completely shut me out and followed my friend wherever he went. I couldn’t understand why it was easy for her to vibe with him but when it came to be she was cold.
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It got to a point my friend even became uncomfortable with her clinginess. He kept looking at me and signalling me to rescue him. When I didn’t do anything he said, “My friend come and take your woman off my hands.” I knew he wasn’t joking but I laughed and said, “Don’t worry, it’s cool.” Then I got up from my seat to go say hello to some people. My friend also took the opportunity to get up and came to tell me, “I don’t know what’s going on with you two but I don’t want any part of it. Go and sit by your girlfriend.” I felt bad that her behaviour was so obvious. One could easily tell that she preferred the company of my friends to mine.
I am hurt by her behaviour because I was willing to do anything for her. She is a nurse and she has often spoken about travelling. Because I love her I was ready to let go of my job, the money my dad promised to give me for a business, and follow her abroad to hustle. However, I am beginning to have a second thoughts about her. I have sat her down several times and told her, “Relationships involve the efforts of two people who are committed to making it work.” But she is still indifferent towards everything. I don’t even get back half of the energy I invest in her. It looks like I am dating myself so I have decided to stop doing everything I have been doing. I am tired of the way she makes me feel as if she is doing me a favour by dating me. Guys, what else do you think I should do about her?
—Addo
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You won’t take advice at this point but you will lose her eventually. There is no turning back on these things. Always remember the more you invest, the more you’re being taken for granted
She wasn’t really interested in you to begin with. Many women, for fear of rejection or rejecting someone else, think it’s safer to string a man along, rather than say “no” to him from the beginning. This is a mistake, and hurts the man much more in the end. You should sense in the beginning that when you feel are reaching out more than she’s reaching back, it’s time to leave. If you desert her, she may even reach out to you shortly after to see if she’s still stringing you along. Don’t fall for it, ignore her and move on. These are the types of women who are not suitable for any type of long-term commitment anyway. You’ll be doing yourself a favour the quicker you move on, and less likely to end up with a broken heart. Although a word of advice… don’t take a woman to a funeral. It’s not a good choice for a date.