“I have to go. I’m meeting Mr Ben for a study session.” I told my boyfriend as I got ready to disconnect our phone conversation. “Another study session with this Mr Ben guy? Should I be worried?” He asked. Though he posed the question in a very casual way, I felt the concern in his voice. Evans and I have been in a long-distance relationship for a while now. The fact that we are not able to see each other as often as we want to, makes things difficult sometimes. But the good thing is, we both trust each other. He is not an insecure and possessive person so the fact that he was concerned about my closeness with Mr Ben made my heart ache. I told him, “You have nothing to worry about my dear. He is just a friend and he is not someone I even like romantically. And let’s not forget that he is married with two kids.” Evans took assurance in my response and we said our goodbyes. 

I wasn’t lying when I told him that Mr Ben was just a friend. I am a twenty-three-year-old teacher pursuing a distance education program. While Mr Ben is a thirty-two-year-old recently divorced man. When we first met, he was married. We work together in the same school but we weren’t close in the beginning. It was during our distance education program that we started being friends. We were in the same classes so we often exchanged notes and discussed our understanding of the lectures. From there we started scheduling study sessions. And it was very easy to keep it up because both of us are driven to graduate with First Class Certificates. 

As the days went by, our friendship grew stronger. Looking at the amount of time we spent together, it was bound to happen. We met at work from Mondays to Fridays, and then met in class on Saturdays and Sundays. Between those periods, we met to study together. This proximity led to a certain level of comfort and trust between us. One day while we were studying, my study partner looked very disoriented. I could see him struggling to keep his head in the books but it wasn’t working. I suggested that we end the session if he wasn’t feeling well. He said, “No, I would rather be anywhere than home right now. Let’s just study.” I said, “I don’t think that’s working for you. You’ve been staring at the same page since you opened your notebook. Is it something you want to talk about?” 

He sighed heavily, “I am just having some problems with my wife at home, and it’s eating me up. If I start now, I won’t finish.” “A problem shared is half a problem solved, right? Talk to me.” His expression changed from unfocused to pain as he spoke, “I came into money quite early. Because of this, I got married early too. But due to a few bad investments here and there, I am no longer rich. It shook me up at first, but I believe I will bounce back again. Unfortunately, my wife doesn’t believe that. She resents me for the way we are living now, as opposed to the comfort and luxury we used to enjoy. Every little thing I do warrants her insults. It isn’t that I don’t provide for the family, I do. I pay for everything in that house, from housekeeping money to school fees, and utility bills. My wife has a good job but she never contributes any money to our home but I don’t complain. Her behaviour makes me believe that she didn’t marry me for love. She came for the money, and now that it’s gone, she is angry.” 

He proceeded to tell me that he didn’t even know how much she earned every month, but she knew how much he earned. I didn’t even have the right words to comfort him. I just said, “I am sorry you are going through all this. I pray that peace reigns in your home soon.” He accepted my words and thanked me. Since that day, it became easier for him to share his problems with me. During exams one day, he didn’t show up at our usual time of meeting for last-minute revisions. So I called him. When he answered, I heard his wife in the background nagging him. That day he was late for the exams. That was when I knew that the things he said about his wife were true. 

On another occasion, I visited him at home. I don’t know what his wife wanted him to do but when he said no, she started insulting him right in my presence. I felt so bad that I had to witness a thing like that. After that incident, I visited him again, and I met him and his wife in a heated argument. He tried to calm her down upon my arrival but the woman didn’t care. She continued to insult him as if I wasn’t there. So my knowledge of his marital problems wasn’t just things he told me. I saw it for myself too. What I didn’t understand was how any woman would treat a man like him poorly. Despite his problems with his wife, he always went out of his way to treat his daughters like the princesses they are. 

 Sometimes during our study sessions, he would fall apart and break down in tears. And I’d hold him in my arms like a big baby, consoling him and wiping his tears. I guess because I was there for him through it all,  he formed an attachment to me. I didn’t even notice it until one day he blurted out, “I think I am in love with you.” I shook my head, “No, you are not. What you are feeling is gratitude.” He insisted, “I am a grown man. I know what I am feeling and I know that it’s love. I am going to divorce my wife.”

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I panicked and said, “Please no you can’t. Think about your children, and your families, and church.” He said he wasn’t leaving her because of me. “I am just tired of her bitterness and her constant quarrels. I don’t want my daughters to grow up in such a toxic environment.” I still tried to talk him out of it but his mind was made up. He went through with the divorce and always assured me that it wasn’t because of his feelings for me. Now the problem is, I haven’t told him about Evans. So he thinks I am single and available just like him. And I feel it’s too late to bring it up now because I’ve also fallen in love with him. And I have spent time with his children and I love them too. 

Don’t get me wrong, I still love my boyfriend. He is a young graduate searching for a job, but it doesn’t matter to me. He is kind and very understanding and I love him very much. I didn’t think it was possible to love more than one person but here I am. I am in love with two men, my boyfriend, and my divorcé friend. They are both wonderful men and I can tell that they love me very much. I have not said yes to Mr Ben yet so he is still just my friend. I know that I have to choose one and let the other go, but it’s hard. I’m very confused and I don’t know who to choose. Please what do I do in this situation? 

—Abby

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